Waiting a Year Before Becoming Mother

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MidnightSun02

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Is it sinful, after you are married, to wait a year or so before starting a family? Mind you, I have no intentions of marrying anytime soon (haven’t been asked yet but hopefully soon!!) but I have always wondered about this.
I mean, once I am married I would like to travel and see the world with my husband (in a competely chaste way) before settling down and bearing children. But is that wrong because the reason for marriage is to start a family in the first place?
And I also plan to have LOTS of kiddos.

Would like you know your thoughts! 🙂

Blessings~Kerry
 
Yes! You must bear children immediately! As many and as quickly as you are physically able!!!

Actually it’s probably not sinful, as long as you plan for motherhood. You could even use that year to start practicing NFP I suppose. Although I wonder, why not travel with your fiance for the year before you actually wed? Or do you have a prolonged honeymoon in mind?
 
Nothing wrong with planning to wait for a period as long as you are open to God blessing you with children and use NFP rather than contraception.

By the way, marriage is open to children, but that is not the only reason for marriage.

God bless!

Love&peace in Christ,
Bob
 
Neithan said:
Yes! You must bear children immediately! As many and as quickly as you are physically able!!!

Actually it’s probably not sinful, as long as you plan for motherhood. You could even use that year to start practicing NFP I suppose. Although I wonder, why not travel with your fiance for the year before you actually wed? Or do you have a prolonged honeymoon in mind?
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Hmmm, a note of observation. Traveling for a year with your fiance before you were married would have some carefulness to be chaste and avoid accidents befreohand ( ex. like seeing the other person naked accidentally). You’d probably need seperate rooms depending on the situation to avoid accidents.

And midnight, what do you mean by "completely chaste way) in this sentence by the parenthesis:
I mean, once I am married I would like to travel and see the world with my husband (in a competely chaste way) before settling down and bearing children.
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Do you mean using NFP to postpone having children??? Please remember that even NFP is to be used for grave reasons. Only you, your future spouse and God could decide this thorugh prayer and possible counsel with your pastor/spiritual director. I don’t want to pry, but I just want to help pending clarification (i.e. I don’t want misunderstand what you are getting at 🙂 ). Thanks and God Bless.
 
Couples worldwide are choosing Natural Family Planning (NFP) for its healthful and marriage-building qualities, as well as its usefulness to plan or postpone pregnancy. Many couples are also grateful to use a family planning method that is in harmony with their religious beliefs.

Since its founding in 1971, CCL has also provided instruction through NFP classes taught by professionally trained, volunteer couples who teach in their local communities. You can also learn through our acclaimed Home Study Course, available for order.
Learn more about it by checking out the Couple to Couple league’s website. www.ccli.org
 
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slinky1882:
Do you mean using NFP to postpone having children??? Please remember that even NFP is to be used for grave reasons.
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I don’t know where the use of “grave” was attached to NFP but it reasons don’t have to “grave.” Also, since NFP is used to achieve pregnancy it can be used in many circumstances.
Only you, your future spouse and God could decide this thorugh prayer and possible counsel with your pastor/spiritual director. Thanks and God Bless.
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:amen: I would add that for one couple it could be sinful to delay having children and for another not. Pray. Discern. Obey.
 
I don’t know where the use of “grave” was attached to NFP but it reasons don’t have to “grave.” Also, since NFP is used to achieve pregnancy it can be used in many circumstances.
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The word used is “serious.” Here are the appropriate parts from Humane Vitae:
vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html
With regard to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised by those who prudently and generously decide to have more children, and by those who, for serious reasons and with due respect to moral precepts, decide not to have additional children for either a certain or an indefinite period of time.

If therefore there are well-grounded reasons for spacing births, arising from the physical or psychological condition of husband or wife, or from external circumstances, the Church teaches that married people may then take advantage of the natural cycles immanent in the reproductive system and engage in marital intercourse only during those times that are infertile, thus controlling birth in a way which does not in the least offend the moral principles which We have just explained. (20)
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Does going on an extended vacation fall under the above reasons to space births?
 
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Genesis315:
The word used is “serious.” Here are the appropriate parts from Humane Vitae:
vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals
/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html

Does going on an extended vacation fall under the above reasons to space births?
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Yes, HV uses “serious” which is less than “grave”; like I said I don’t know how “grave” started to get thrown around.

And the vacation thing? There is no way I’m going to “make” that decision for a couple. I would have no idea if that was a part of God’s plan for that couple or not.

I’ve seen too many faithful Catholics try to impose their (mis)understanding of this on uninformed couples. It leaves no room for prayer or discernment. I think there is a concern that if being fruitful is not practiced in the strictest way (by having children early and often) that a couple might fall into sin. They might think for themselves. They might do something that I wouldn’t do. It doesn’t mean they are being unfaithful or sinning.
 
Bruised Reed:
And the vacation thing? There is no way I’m going to “make” that decision for a couple. I would have no idea if that was a part of God’s plan for that couple or not.
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That’s why I just posed it as a question. Many people become psychologically burned out and they need a vacation or they need time alone together to strengthen their relationship.
 
No! Yes! Maybe! I can’t tell you, with out knowing whats in your heart. Sins are really only between you and God. (and maybe your future husband )

God Bless
 

I mean, once I am married I would like to travel and see the world with my husband (in a competely chaste way) before settling down and bearing children​

See the world by yourself…and good for you. You will have more life experience which is a good thing to offer your future children.
 
Consider that travelling for a year is going to consume some money that you may need when you start having a family.

Having said that, deciding that you want to be certain that your marriage is on solid footing by actually living together for a few months to see if problems turn up… this is not a bad idea. Myself, I’d spend the bulk of this in “normal” life, not an extended honeymoon. Also, you are not guaranteed to have children just for having been open to them. If there is no question that you are able to welcome children, be open to it. Your window may be smaller than you think. If you make your travel plans, do make them flexible. Even if you don’t get pregnant, you may thank yourself for this for any number of other reasons.

Don’t think that children will end life as you know it. I have it on good authority that travelling with small children can have definite advantages, which include slowing you down and making you instantly popular with the locals.
 
I think it must be presumed that those faithful couples who pledge to use natural means to have children are completely competent to decide for themselves how important their reasons are. I find it incredibly hard to believe that people are “misusing” NFP for insufficiently “grave/serious” reasons.
 
I don’t mean that having children is the end of my life. It is more of a beginning for me really (though i haven’t had the blessing to experience it yet). 🙂

As for NFP like others have mentioned before…my sister used it…but I never really understood what it is about. Can someone simplify what Natural Family Planning is about?
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BLB_Oregon:
Consider that travelling for a year is going to consume some money that you may need when you start having a family.

Having said that, deciding that you want to be certain that your marriage is on solid footing by actually living together for a few months to see if problems turn up… this is not a bad idea. Myself, I’d spend the bulk of this in “normal” life, not an extended honeymoon. Also, you are not guaranteed to have children just for having been open to them. If there is no question that you are able to welcome children, be open to it. Your window may be smaller than you think. If you make your travel plans, do make them flexible. Even if you don’t get pregnant, you may thank yourself for this for any number of other reasons.

Don’t think that children will end life as you know it. I have it on good authority that travelling with small children can have definite advantages, which include slowing you down and making you instantly popular with the locals.
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MidnightSun02:
I don’t mean that having children is the end of my life. It is more of a beginning for me really (though i haven’t had the blessing to experience it yet). 🙂

As for NFP like others have mentioned before…my sister used it…but I never really understood what it is about. Can someone simplify what Natural Family Planning is about?
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The various methods of NFP all teach women and men to observe the signs of the wife’s fertility so that the couple may choose whether to engage in or refrain from marital relations depending upon whether they are trying to postpone or achieve pregnancy. NFP can be used for both, postponing or achieving.

There are several methods that use various combinations of the three signs of fertility: resting body temperature, cervical mucus, and cervical position.

Visit www.ccli.org and www.creightonmodel.com for more information on two of the methods, Sympto-Thermal and Creighton. Also, your parish should have information on local classes. The third method is Billings Ovulation, but I think it’s more popular in Australia where the Drs. Billings are from.
 
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MidnightSun02:
As for NFP like others have mentioned before…my sister used it…but I never really understood what it is about. Can someone simplify what Natural Family Planning is about?
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In a nutshell, if you’re trying to postpone pregnancy you abstain during the fertile period. There are a couple methods of figuring out when the fertile period is. It’s also great when you are trying to get preganant because you know exactly when your peak fertility is.
 
Don’t think that children will end life as you know it. I have it on good authority that travelling with small children can have definite advantages, which include slowing you down and making you instantly popular with the locals.
Children DO end life as you know it.
 
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Lilyofthevalley:
Don’t think that children will end life as you know it. I have it on good authority that travelling with small children can have definite advantages, which include slowing you down and making you instantly popular with the locals.
Children DO end life as you know it.
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Yes… but not in the way that you usually think it will before you have them. It is not that you can’t do anything you used to do, but rather that nothing you do is ever quite the same. You can’t hike ten miles in a day, no, but sometimes you’ll see more in 100 yards than you might have seen in 10 miles in the old days.
Why not see Italy with children? That is how the Italians see it! If you’re willing to let go of how you think travelling should work, it can be done.
 
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Genesis315:
The word used is “serious.” Here are the appropriate parts from Humane Vitae:
vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html

Does going on an extended vacation fall under the above reasons to space births?
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Thank you Genesis for the quote. As to where “grave” or serious came in, does anyone have any thoughts on this document found on the USCCB website???

usccb.org/prolife/issues/nfp/seriousq.htm

Thanks and God Bless.
 
First of all, I commend you for your attitude of wanting to have lots of children! It seems as though we are the minority in today’s society!

For the reasons justifying postponing a pregnancy, I have always gone for the following rule: the reasons must be for the betterment or protection of the potential new child; on the flip side, if the reasons are materialistic, selfish, or for the betterment of your life, then that is not justified. Please strongly note, these are my interpretations of how to come to those decisions. At all times, definitely include God in your planning. Prayer with your spouse ususally makes it clear as to when you are being called to have children.

My husband and I were married three years ago. We got married in the middle of planting (he farms) and so we decided to take a “mini honeymoon” for just a few days right after our wedding and planned a big trip later in the year. Two months after we were married, we felt an undeniable call to become parents, even though we didn’t plan on that until after our honeymoon. We decided one afternoon to answer God’s call and our lives changed forever- we were blessed with our first child nine months later. We cancelled our trip and have never regretted it. We still travel, but it’s so much more fulfilling to show the world to our children (now we have two!). I thank God so much for blessing us with the grace needed to see past our desires and help us to answer the call to become parents.

As for NFP, all I can say is do it! NFP has blessed our lives so much that we even decided to teach it to others. Our marriage and love for each other is richer than we could have ever imagined and we have the most wonderful family. Of course, we are seen as oddballs by most others, but we just laugh thinking “we know something you don’t know!” If only everyone would just give NFP a try!:dancing:
 
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