Waiting for a spouse til death

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anon91549587

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Is it common for a person to keep waiting/praying for God to send “the right one” which does not happen and the person dies single?
 
I don’t know about it being common, but I’m not sure it’s that wise a decision. Of course, praying to meet a good person is fine, and no-one should stay in a relationship they feel has no future. But hoping for a perfect, ready-made spouse to materialise is unrealistic. Not only does it get people to focus on signs rather than the reality in front of them, but it also ignores the fact that relationships/marriages require time and effort, not just finding “the one”.

If you want to meet someone, don’t “wait” and hope they’ll come to you. Go out, do activities, spend time with friends, live a fulfilling life! And as you do, your social circles will widen, and perhaps you’ll find people you’d like to get to know romantically.
 
Lou2U said:
If you want to meet someone, don’t “wait” and hope they’ll come to you. Go out, do activities, spend time with friends, live a fulfilling life! And as you do, your social circles will widen, and perhaps you’ll find people you’d like to get to know romantically.
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Very much agree with this, based on experience. Briefly, and sadly, I had to leave a marriage of 20+ years after years of trust breaking and unremorsed infidelity. After some time, I began dating someone out of loneliness and broke it off. I felt called to live a happy single life. For a couple years it was totally the right way to live! I occasionally had dinner or saw a movie with a lady friend, but the understanding was “just friends.”

I asked God during a week-long silent retreat if I should remain single or be open. His soft response was, “you’re doing ok now” which I interpreted as “be open.“ On a “prayerful” prompting I grudgingly went to singles event seven months later, but without any expectation. The amazing conclusion of attending, after many signs — for both of us — and many deep conversations, was marriage and a hitherto unimaginable love with a spouse for whom I thank God every day. My and her experience was, “Trust God with guiding your life path and enjoy your created existence as a fully whole single person first. Any potential future spouse deserves that, as do you.“ Praying for you.
 
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How would anyone but God know if this even happens, let alone how common it is?

I would say that prayers in this form are more likely to lead to disappointment. They don’t open the door wide enough for God, and though He will still be helping us we are more likely to miss the changes He is making in our lives and think He isn’t doing anything.

One thing to remember, if you are in this situation, is that the ‘right one’ for you probably isn’t the ‘right one’ for you yet. More importantly you likely aren’t the ‘right one’ for them yet. God has to work with both of you to grow you into people who are right for each other. Prayers for Him to send you a perfect person miss that.

Note, I’m not saying that you have to say the right things to God to get His help. I’m saying that working with Him and being open to the changes He wants to make in you is better and helps you see more of what He is doing. Passive prayers reduce the entire process into a single yes/no; have I met the ‘right one’ or not. You can’t see progress that way so it is easy to miss all the ways He is helping you.
 
Would you ask God to send you “the right job”? Sure, I would.

Would you ONLY ask God to send you the right job, without working on your skills, sending out resumes, practicing for interviews, networking, and following up possible leads? I hope not. I strongly dislike the maxim “God helps those who helps themselves”–it’s untrue in so many contexts–but I encourage you to consider yourself an active participant in seeking “the right one.” Work on making yourself the partner you want to be, and get yourself out there.
 
anon91549587 said:
Is it common for a person to keep waiting/praying for God to send “the right one” which does not happen and the person dies single?
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If you’re asking if some people never get married, sure. Some people are lifelong bachelors.

If someone wants to get married, praying for God to send you “the right one” is great, but you also have to cooperate with God. Like, you can’t just sit alone in your apartment all day waiting for your dream guy/girl to knock on the door. You need to be out there trying to meet people, make yourself an attractive partner, etc.
 
Unfortunately, some of the advice given to singles is to stop looking and God will send you a spouse pre-ordained from before you were born at a time of His choosing. Look for this even here on CAF.
 
While some advice is good, i do not see anybody here saying they are waiting for the perfect man or woman to come in their life. They are simply looking for the right person for them individually, because mr or ms right for one may not be mror ms right for that person. I am getting tired of reading responses like don’t expect the perfect person to fall into your lap. Most of us singles who want to get married are in fact trying, but it does not necessarily mean that all that trying would bear the fruit we are looking for. Maybe, maybe not. And yes, we are praying for God’s will be done. We are praying and trying to be in preparing to be a good spouse ad nauseam.
 
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It is interesting to see the common attitude of Catholics here making assumptions. I was simply asking a hypothetical situation and many made assumptions.

I’ve been thinking about faith and hope. The virtue to believe in something not yet attained. What if a person prayed so much but it was never God’s will and she died not meeting anyone. I think its sad. Or a loved one is dying and i trust in God’s mercy but for reasons XYZ, God did not admit that person into his kingdom.
 
fin said:
While some advice is good, i do not see anybody here saying they are waiting for the perfect man or woman to come in their life.
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I wasn’t addressing any person in particular. I’ve just seen threads before where someone complained about being single, and in the course of the discussion it came out that this individual basically sat at home all day playing video games. Just making the general point that you need to go out and be active to meet people.
 
I get what you mean, but many of us are also trying whether looking for in person events or online dating but have not yet met someone. Such advice is exasperating to hear because it is not as if one is not trying. If one is not trying, then its okay for that person to keep on hearing similar advices over and over again. Not just in dating but also in other areas, the fact is, putting much effort into something does not necessarily bear the fruit one wants. Again not just in dating but also in other areas.
 
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