Want to quit my job and stay at home with my kids

[Aggie414]

I don’t wish to sound uncharitable towards the OP, but I can honestly say I wouldn’t want to be married to her because it seems like she can never be satisfied – and I’m only basing this on what this post and other posts by her have said.

The OP moved her family in with her mother when the OP readily admitted that it is not the best scenario because of her relationship with her mother. But they did that to save money for a big down payment on a house. They apparently did that because now they have a house in an area with a high cost of living and now she’s complaining because the husband doesn’t make enough for her to be a full-time SAHM. Does the husband have any say in what goes on in this marriage and family? It doesn’t appear to be that way – what OP wants, OP gets; but, again, it’s never enough.

If being a SAHM is your top priority, then you should be willing to move to a part of the country/state where your living expense dollar will stretch to allow you to do that. Expecting husband to work multiple jobs indefinitely so you can do that is not reasonable – it’s one thing to obtain a short-term goal but not forever. Or if your heart is content in staying in the area where cost of living is too high based on his income, then you need to accept that and work the part-time hours you’re working. Those are really the only choices that you have. Being resentful and nagging about it is going to get the OP nowhere.

 

[UbiCaritas]

OP, two things occur to me:

1. How much longer do you have on the loans, and could you focus in the short-term on paying them off in order to free up more monthly income? I.e., working, say, an extra couple of shifts/month and dedicating everything earned on those shifts towards loan repayment? (Bonus: you’ll be saving on interest.)
2. With what your husband makes, once the loans are paid off and your cash flow has adjusted accordingly, would you be able to drop to one shift/week by making changes in your current cash outflow?
3. The reason I suggest keeping at least one shift/week is that since you’re a nurse, it would seem unwise to step out of the job market altogether. Having more options is always a good thing, and stopping practicing in your field, which necessarily changes very quickly indeed, could make it awfully hard to get back in even in just a few years because of the medical and technological breakthroughs one can expect in that timeframe. What if something happens to your husband–death, disability, job loss? A useful degree, like nursing, plus up-to-date job skills, are a really good thing to have in your ammo locker. It also takes some of the pressure off of him: while he should, of course, be working, he may not be so stressed if he knows that if something happens to him, you and the kids would be okay.

ETA: 4) A SIL of mine is a nurse, and plans on working a shift or so per week PRN once baby comes for some of the reasons I mentioned above, but also because she can make nearly as much working one shift PRN as she does working 3 scheduled shifts. Would that be an option for you? (I have no idea what pay structures are like in that part of the country.)

 

[catholicmamajoy]

OP, two things occur to me:

1. How much longer do you have on the loans, and could you focus in the short-term on paying them off in order to free up more monthly income? I.e., working, say, an extra couple of shifts/month and dedicating everything earned on those shifts towards loan repayment? (Bonus: you’ll be saving on interest.)
2. With what your husband makes, once the loans are paid off and your cash flow has adjusted accordingly, would you be able to drop to one shift/week by making changes in your current cash outflow?
3. **The reason I suggest keeping at least one shift/week is that since you’re a nurse, it would seem unwise to step out of the job market altogether. Having more options is always a good thing, and stopping practicing in your field, which necessarily changes very quickly indeed, could make it awfully hard to get back in even in just a few years because of the medical and technological breakthroughs one can expect in that timeframe. What if something happens to your husband–death, disability, job loss? A useful degree, like nursing, plus up-to-date job skills, are a really good thing to have in your ammo locker. It also takes some of the pressure off of him: while he should, of course, be working, he may not be so stressed if he knows that if something happens to him, you and the kids would be okay.
   **
   ETA: 4) A SIL of mine is a nurse, and plans on working a shift or so per week PRN once baby comes for some of the reasons I mentioned above, but also because she can make nearly as much working one shift PRN as she does working 3 scheduled shifts. Would that be an option for you? (I have no idea what pay structures are like in that part of the country.)/QUOTE]

This. The pay in the Bay area is one of the highest in the country. She needs to strongly consider this option, as it will still allow her to be at home during the week with her children and part of the weekend. I don’t understand why she hasn’t looked into this before. Many healthcare professionals do this when their children are young. I did it for many years and those 2 eight hour shifts on weekend nights did wonders for our budget.

 

[columbkille77]

Sorry if I am piling on, because I have not read through the whole thread.

The Bay Area is one of the most expensive real estate markets on earth. People flock from all corners of the earth just to live there. It would be wonderful if you could buy a single family house and raise kids on one income there, but it is not feasible for most people.

You are better off than 99.9% of planet earth. It is not reasonable to resent your husband because you are not better off than 99.999%.

Unfortunately, it looks like you will need to make tradeoffs – continue working, move to a less expensive area, sell your house and rent an apartment, etc. It’s just life.