Was I being selfish or just a teen?

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LiliesofMaria

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When I was younger, I did dance and theater and loved every minute of those activities. Those were outlets for my crazy emotions during the teen years and they made me happy because I was good at them. However, my mom always wanted to do dance and theater and had never had the chance as a kid (except a few school shows) and when I got older, would bring it up occasionally. I remember saying several times that I just wanted to be able to go somewhere where my parents wouldn’t be intruding on my creativity or the ideas people had of me. I knew she wasn’t the most graceful and she had hearing problems and could be rude at times without even realizing it and I was so embarrassed and scared that people would judge me because of her.
I also wanted to be able to not have to be in a theater show with her so that I could just be with fellow actors and friends and enjoy myself.
I was homeschooled so I already saw a lot of my mom and frankly, had some temper issues and got easily angry and annoyed.
I was also bothered by how she thought of dance as “discipline and stretches” that she would love when, to me, dance was so, so much more. It was an art, a sport, a way of letting go of stuff, and a way of being healthy and strong.

I was thinking about it the other day and thought that perhaps I was too selfish. I was so concerned about myself that I didn’t care what my mom felt. I remember suggesting some sort of ballroom class for her because I knew she had done a class or two for her wedding and it was also not at the place where I danced.

Did anyone else have these kinds of feelings towards their parents? I do love her and I do care about her but there were things she did in her habits and such that I didn’t agree with and that I didn’t want other people to know about. I regret being so cruel but I don’t know if I was cruel? Was it just a teenage thing? As a young woman who may start a family someday, are there boundaries that should be set and not invaded into for a child’s sake?
 
You were a teen. As much as you might have loved your mom, you also really wanted to have your own life, your own interests, not have her intruding on them, and also you thought her perception of them was off. This is normal. We have all had parents who we sometimes found embarrassing, and who acted like they could relate to our passion for dance or music or art but had tastes or ideas that didn’t match our own.

This is called “establishing your own identity.” Also, parents generally know that their kids in dance or theater or a band do NOT want Mom involved in the same group or production as themselves.

Don’t sweat it. If you want to make up for being a teen just do something nice for Mom now.
 
You were being a completely normal teen. No need to feel guilty about it. 20/20 vision on the issue may have you behaving differently, but you didn’t have 20/20 vision as a teen, right. Also, sounds like maybe your parents could have done a better job of being a little sensitive to your feelings. Teen years aren’t easy for most. Learn from your experiences as you move forward in life but leave the guilt by the wayside. It can be quite destructive.
 
Did I understand from your post your mom wanted to be in a show with you?

It’s not too late, you could both try out for community theater, if you liked.

So, what career path did you eventually get into?

Also, how is your relationship with her now, high conflict or low conflict
 
No, she just wanted to be in dance or theater where I was doing those things and there was always a chance she’d be in a show with me. I was very involved with community theater and that’s where this took place.

I don’t feel like I need to share that, sorry.

We get along fairly well now. Some minor disagreements here and there…
 
The way you describe, it just sounds like you were trying to differentiate from your mom which is normal and you get along reasonably well today, so I wouldn’t worry about it 🙂
 
Have this conversation with your mum. Maybe you could both start ballroom dance classes
 
I think it’s pretty normal and healthy for a teen to want there own space and identity from parents.
 
I think you should find some mother-daughter scenes in plays and have fun acting them out at home. Theatre doesn’t have to be at a separate location. You can have fun with plays at home. In our city, there is a theatre library full of plays that can be borrowed.
 
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