Was I confirmed when I shouldn't have been?

[denisehutter]

I do have an appointment to speak with my priest again, but this has been bothering me.

I converted to Catholicism 18 months ago. I am divorced, live alone, am celibate. I do not intend to enter into another relationship. I have devoted my life to Christ.

First marriage: to a divorced Catholic; took place in Methodist church. He had no children and we did not have children. After 15 years of trying to fix a “growing apart” (no adultery) we divorced. One attorney. Remained friends.

I remarried. A Catholic. His first marriage. No children. Again, in Methodist church. This second marriage ended in divorce.

After my second divorce, my first husband died. I took care of him thoughout this illness.
I also remain friends with my second husband. Neither would attend any church.

Should I have been confirmed; am I allowed to receive the eucharist? What would I need to do to be considered in good standing with the Church? My second husband would not object to an annulment, but can you annul a marriage that took place in the Methodist church? My parish priest is a Dr of Canon law, but I am afraid that he thought my first husband passed prior to my second marriage? Does this matter?

Totally Confused.

 

[mfrances]

You have done very well to contact a priest. A priest would be the best person review your whole situation in order to answer these questions.

 

[1ke]

Should I have been confirmed; am I allowed to receive the eucharist?

Yes and yes. What makes you doubt this?

What would I need to do to be considered in good standing with the Church?

You are in “good standing” with the Church. Again, what makes you doubt this?

My second husband would not object to an annulment, but can you annul a marriage that took place in the Methodist church?

Since your spouse was a Catholic if he did not receive a dispensation to marry outside Catholic form, this would not be a tribunal nullity case, it would be a lack of form case. This is simply administrative paperwork.

To answer your question about nullity, yes the Tribunal certainly can review evidence in cases of marriages taking place in non-Catholic ecclesial communions or civil marriages or marriages of the unbaptized. Yes, they can render a decisions regarding whether or not there was an impediment to valid marriage in such cases. But, again, this does not apply in your case since your spouse was a Catholic.

My parish priest is a Dr of Canon law, but I am afraid that he thought my first husband passed prior to my second marriage? Does this matter?

As you are not currently married, and were not validly married to either of your prior spouses, no it does not matter at all.

You certainly should pursue a freedom to marry investigations and complete the lack of form paperwork for your second marriage. That way, if you do meet someone in the future it is already all taken care of. But, this was not required for entry into the Church.

 

[denisehutter]

Thanks for your answers. When I met with my priest prior to RCIA I explained this situation. He said that it wasn’t an impediment but didn’t explain why and as that was all that concerned me at the time, I didn’t ask for further explanation. Since he has a doctorate in canon law, I assumed he knew what he was talking about.

I am a devoted Catholic and a voracious reader. Just coming across bits and pieces and seeing other questions re divorce, marriage, and annulment, it began to get a little confusing and I wanted the answer specific to my situation. Am I understanding you correctly that in the eyes of the Church both marriages were invalid? Does that mean that in the eyes of the Church I have never been married? Where does the sin come in?

My Catholicism is extremely important to me; it is the point around which my life revolves. I certainly want to be sure that everything is fine.

Again, thanks for the answer.

 

[maltmom]

I am divorced, live alone, am celibate. I do not intend to enter into another relationship.

This is why you were allowed to be confirmed.

I was in a similar situation. Even though I didn’t see myself dating anytime soon I went ahead and filed for my decree of nullity (prior bond). It was grated two weeks later. I would suggest you do the same. One never knows what God has planned for our future.

 

[denisehutter]

If I was never validly married in either case in the eyes of the Church, what does that mean as it applies to the adultery that I committed by marrying a divorced person or the adultery that I committed by remarrying? That is what concerns me most; the state of
my soul, not the paperwork. I am 50 years old and love that contemplative life I have
chosen. No, I don’t know God’s plan, but I can’t imagine giving this up. I am not embittered. I had a wonderful marriage for many years and see the value of that. I love the Church and this life in Christ I have freely chosen. And I was married in the Methodist church; so I did make a vow before God of some kind that I have broken, haven’t I?

 

[maltmom]

If I was never validly married in either case in the eyes of the Church, what does that mean as it applies to the adultery that I committed by marrying a divorced person or the adultery that I committed by remarrying? That is what concerns me most; the state of
my soul, not the paperwork. I am 50 years old and love that contemplative life I have
chosen. No, I don’t know God’s plan, but I can’t imagine giving this up. I am not embittered. I had a wonderful marriage for many years and see the value of that. I love the Church and this life in Christ I have freely chosen.

I can understand that. If you have not covered this in confession you can do so now. Please speak to your Priest about it. I think though, and someone correct me if I’m wrong, that you did not commit a mortal sin. To do so you have had to know at the time that what you were doing was wrong and you did it anyway. Your Priest can give you guidance in this area.

 

[denisehutter]

I will do so. I can only hope that God knows my heart as it is now. That He has changed it and that he will judge accordingly.

 

[maltmom]

I believe He will. I had started to respond to your post before you edited it. I hit the wrong button and lost it. Since you deleted the things you said, I won’t address them.

 

[1ke]

Thanks for your answers. When I met with my priest prior to RCIA I explained this situation. He said that it wasn’t an impediment but didn’t explain why and as that was all that concerned me at the time, I didn’t ask for further explanation. Since he has a doctorate in canon law, I assumed he knew what he was talking about.

Yes, he does know what he is talking about. And you should trust him.

I am a devoted Catholic and a voracious reader. Just coming across bits and pieces and seeing other questions re divorce, marriage, and annulment, it began to get a little confusing and I wanted the answer specific to my situation.

This is really not the best place to get such info, as about 9 times out of 10 someone on a mariage/nullity thread posts inforrmation that is completely inaccurate. If you want to learn about the topic in a more coherent way, let me suggest the book Annulment: The Wedding That Was by Michael Smith Foster.

Am I understanding you correctly that in the eyes of the Church both marriages were invalid?

Yes.

Does that mean that in the eyes of the Church I have never been married?

It means you have been in two putative marriages-- putative meaning a marriage that you entered into in good faith that turned out to be invalid.

Where does the sin come in?

What sin?

My Catholicism is extremely important to me; it is the point around which my life revolves. I certainly want to be sure that everything is fine.

I still don’t understand why you are doubting your priest, who already went through all of this before you came into full communion and found no cause for delay.

 

[1ke]

If I was never validly married in either case in the eyes of the Church, what does that mean as it applies to the adultery that I committed by marrying a divorced person or the adultery that I committed by remarrying?

There is no sin where there is lack of knowledge. Firstly, as a non-Catholic you had no obligation regarding Catholic form, that fell squarely on your spouses. If they failed to follow Church law, any “sin” is on their shoulders. Regarding remarriage, most non-Catholics are brought up to believe this is not wrong, so again I don’t think sin enters into the situation.

Sin requires grave matter, full knowledge, and free will.

If you are that troubled by it, talk to your priest about it.

 

[denisehutter]

Thank everyone who responded. I believe I understand this now.
I never doubted my priest; I wondered if he had misunderstand the information I had
given him. It’s hard to recall that conversation exactly because he said I was fine
and I accepted that and didn’t question it. We didn’t discuss it further. It was just
from things that I was reading that made me curious about what made it okay for
me to be confirmed and what would have prevented it. I began to worry that he may
have thought that my first marriage ended in widowhood rather than divorce because I can recall him asking about my first husband’s current status and I responded that he
was deceased. Looking back, I began to wonder whether he had understood that I
was divorced prior to his passing. I understand now that it wouldn’t have mattered, but
not before I asked the question. That is why I made the appointment. To make sure
he had understood the information correctly.