Was I wrong?

[Johndecruse]

These are the Miracles of God, I don’t know what was right for you at that time. Might be that was a test of you from God.

Term Papers

 

[John21652]

I hear you. That is one of the things I don’t think men realize…how much it can bug us when there are chastity issues involved. Many man compartmentalize things so they can shut off what happened. Women usually can’t, so these issues (I know for me in my case) affect the whole tenor of her life.

OMG, what a harsh comment. Men need to be mind readers cit seems!
Sheesh, if men don’t realize then how about letting them know. This poor bloke has been crushed, no, betrayed, because he didn’t ‘realise’? If you want someone to realise something, tell them.

 

[John21652]

Respectfully, rushed marriages are not good and being in love is not a sufficient motivation. There’s a whole lot of problems that spending some time as friends or engaged couple (or something in between) could prevent. There’s a whole lot of issues that a short romance won’t unveil but a 1-2 years long one will, such as say, NPD, pathological lying, paranoia, various degrees of psychopathy, OCD, bizarre living habits, strange religious or spiritual beliefs, life-complicating results of past history… There’s no way to weed it all out in 3 months of dating, not sure about 9. It’s even worse when someone’s actively trying to conceal negative traits. Naturally, most of these bad decisions would’ve been avoided by not ignoring red flags early on, but people who are in love don’t react the same way and will be reluctant to “dump” the other one, say, for a single lie or for a bit of selfishness. They will suffer for some time unil they have had enough or seen enough.

Chevalier old friend, I wish to ask you something in relation to this post.
Your suggestion seems to be that a longer courtship will reveal more of a person and uncover these “flaws” you have listed and which I have underlined.

Aren’t you being a bit “perfectionist” here? Aren’t you being a little too clinical her with this approach?
I mean, if you really love someone, don’t you love and accept them “warts and all”? So, if the someone you love, or profess to love, after say 1.275692 years of courtship, suddenly manifested, say, Manic Depression, would you dump them? Stop loving them? Love them less? If, say after 1.275693 yearsb of courtship suddenly started to display paranoia because of some external trigger, do you dump them? Love them less? Stop loving them?

You said …people who are in love don’t react the same way…" which is another way of saying “Love is blind”. Isn’t loving someone meant to mean that things like the ones you have desribed don’t matter any more and you accept the other person for who and what they are? Or is it I’m just too idealistic and you are a hard hearted old *&^%**$#.?

Now, I gotta say, I have respected your posts on many topics, but the way I’m felling after reading this one, well, I’m considering a divorce!!