Was it theologically right to go "no contact" with family?

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Hi, 27, female here, muslim apostate, newly christian. Grew up in a successful, integrated muslim family in Scandinavia. I was the only one who saw that our lives were “invisibly” governed by our relatives, by fascism, our middle eastern culture and our religion plus narcissistic, controlling, perfectionist parents. My brothers and I were mentally, verbally and emotionally abused all our lives, and a while back, for 10 months straight, i in particular was severely abused by all of my family. By age 24 I had a failed pharma degree i was trying to repair for years, and one day I finally prayed to God for the truth. Soon later, I met a conservative christian man from abroad and he happened to be talented in history, politics and theology. He’d refute all my opinions i thought were facts, and it didn’t take long before i left islam and became christian. But the conversion and the relationship had to be kept secret or i’d be in serious trouble. I began wanting to spend every minute of my day with him and with learning about God, but under the disguise of “just finding myself”, which wasn’t really a lie. I noticed a dramatic change in who i was and what i could do, and my family started punishing me for the changes i was officially making. For example i’d refuse to gossip about people on the dinner table, and they’d scold me and shun me for it. I started setting boundaries and openly speak for what i stood for, it was met with more severe abuse from everyone at home. Every day for 10 months from beginning of the day until the end my only job was to survive their abuse while trying to get them to stop. I was able to flee home one day for avoiding a muslim ceremony and being threatened because of it. I left everything behind; my stuff, my education, everything but a few documents and clothes. Things happened following the escape that was very hard, but i stood my ground and i cut contact, haven’t spoken to anyone i ever knew for 2 years because just speaking would be dangerous. Lived in different places since then, isolated, alone, rebuilding my life privately, government protecting my address. But at times, worry hits about how i will make it (first time i ever am on my own really), I reconsider my decision, if there’s anything i could’ve done differently, but no matter what I always realize that nothing else could’ve been done and there’s nothing going back to. But my question to you guys is: Did I do something wrong that i am responsible for as a catholic, what does the faith say about this?
 
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No, you didn´t do something spiritually wrong.
No contact is a legitime choice if abuse is there, and you are not obligated to stay in abusive circles, neither in friend, nor in family circles.
Part of my family is from a “successful integrated muslim family” and I think I can understand at least a little bit. Social control is high, and I learned the bad way how sickness is understood as failure in those circles, for example - or a degree in your case.
So, do what you have to do, with no anger in your heart. You can forgive your family and still avoid contact with them. I would focus on building friendships beside a boyfriend. Lonelyness is a tough burden, but this doesn´t have to be your fate for the next years. Be careful to not change one dependency for another. A bunch of loose, relaxed friendships is often a better net to find ground under your feet than a close relationship.Activities over the day to avoid time for being depressed. Is there a new educational way for you? Work and studies are the best places to get connected in a stressless way. I don´t know how it is in scandinavia, but in germany, we have several counseling institutes you could try, and I think maybe you would benefit from searching such a institution, too.
You had a lot of strength to walk this path alone for the last time, don´t be worried you won´t have enough power for the future. Pray when you are lonely, offer it up to jesus on the cross. ❤️
 
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Thank you. You are very right about what you said of those cultures, you understood it right, that’s exactly what it was like. Once my dad for example even said at a family discussion that we are like investments, and if we marry the wrong person, we are a failed investment.

Sometimes i feel rage and hatred or despise them for what they’ve done, but it’s usually when a memory is triggered and it feels like i’m still in that place. The anger did help me to get the strength to run away and stay away for a while, but i mourned so much and wept and forgave them too. I prayed for them too. But i have to work on the love aspect to permanently kill the anger and hatred towards them, it’s no longer necessary to feel such things when i am away from them at last. I do know after all that we are at war with spiritual forces, not with people. : )

You are very right about friends, i do need a life/friend circle and support network of my own. I have made friends with all who have helped me, but none of them live where i live and can meet me really, so i’ve given up on that. But i was hoping maybe once i get back in school, or get a job, or perhaps in church i can find : ) <3 God has made it practically impossible for me to rely on anyone, including my bf, because his life is rocky too and he is no good for support right now. so I’ve been forced to rely on God and focus on securing myself. I’ve applied for educations for autumn, so that’s nice, and i keep myself busy to not “open the wound” while god’s trying to patch it up for me. I’ve decided now that i’ve finished mourning, to only allow god to open the wound again for when it needs to be healed through him. I’ve done all that you say, it’s worked as well as it could considering that i recently moved to a new town and had to focus too much on security issues to make friends, but that has calmed down now. : ) Thank you so much, I will!
 
You are experiencing something very common when surviving an abusive parental situation. Here’s a clip from the kid’s movie “Tangled” that nails the emotions.


No contact may be your only way to survive until you are much healthier mentally.

I also recommend this book.

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Healing-Emotions-Conrad-Baars/dp/0882709666

I don’t have the time right now to type all I want to say. Much of it comes from Baars anyway. But if it matters at all coming from an internet stranger, you did the right thing, are doing the right thing and are amazing for doing so.
 
Thank you for the link, it is exactly how it’s been, a roller coaster of being at war with yourself, your intellect vs your heart. Thanks for shedding a little humor on a tragedy : )<3
 
Theological questions should be directed at one’s priest. He;s in a far better position to advise you, and you can discuss the details with him privately.
Prayer said for you.
 
I will be praying for you. God bless.

Blessed Mother, please intercede for us.
Hold the sorrowful-
Mother and love the weary, abused, neglected
or forgotten among us-
Give your aid to all needing help or healing-
Assist those who are sick, in pain or suffering-
Be with those needing peace-
Console the lonely or brokenhearted-
Comfort the lost or hopeless-
Strengthen the fearful-
Guard the unborn-
Pray for those who are dying or who have died-
Soften those with hardened hearts-
Enlighten those who do not yet see truth-
Help us be brave enough to let our hurt and anger go-
Show us the way to do the right thing-
Protect those who are in danger, and
Guide us from every evil.
May all who keep your sacred commemoration
experience the might of your assistance.
Amen
 
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