In my ignorant opinion I think that the most serious problem here is that the OP is not willing to receive graces from God despite his own faults. I have the impression that somehow he needs to feel that he merited absolution by going through the process the way he wanted. The confessor is there in Persona Christi and he is the one deciding how things are done. A lot of us including myself love to be in control but that becomes a sin when we thing that we can merit graces because of our own behaviors. I am very serious when I talk about the inner belief of meriting graces through our own actions, otherwise we would not question the validity of a sacrament even if it did not go as we wished or planned for.
Recently I just went through a major experience where the priest told me to do something and I thought that he was wrong in asking me to do that, I was not pious enough, I was not good enough. However, in obedience I accepted the fact that his commend was given with the Authority of the Church and well alligned with the Church teachings. Still I did not feel that I merited such a responsibility; however, as soon as I accepted in obedience I felt free and capable to do what I was requested. This is a reason why I pray to Padre Pio and Don Bosco asking them to show me the true obedience to the Church.
