Wearing a mantilla when your not the bride?

[Monicathree]

I am a mantilla wearing woman, it is part of my spirituality and I love it. I come from a totally non religious background. This is hypothetical, but could happen sooner than we think. At my sister’s wedding who is recently confirmed, would it be selfish and innapropriate for me to wear my mantilla. My sister does not wear one and NOBODY else would be wearing one. She is my kid sister, and I feel she has always kinda been in my shadow anyway. I would not want to do anything to take away from her very special day. It would be her in her bridal veil and me, the matron of honor, in my mantilla. Nobody would understand and it would probably cause more mumbling than anything. What do you think? I don’t want to turn my back on my devotion, but for the sake of my sister do I sacrifice my feelings? I tend to lean toward not wearing it, but what’s your advice??

 

[Island_Oak]

If they wear them to bull-fights, why not a wedding? Have you asked you sister’s opinion on this–any reason to suspect she will find it distracting/offensive/attention hogging? On the other hand, will she even notice/care?

Any reason for your particular attachment to this rather showy piece of “spirituality” when it is not otherwise part of your cultural or religious background? How long/often have you been wearing them?

 

[JCPhoenix]

I agree with Island Oak that you should check with your sister first.

I have the same devotion, but if it causes division on such a blessed day, then I say let it go for that one time.

Remember that the mantilla isn’t about your feelings…it is about devotion and submission to God’s will and respect for the Eucharist. Yet if this is something which would cause you to stand out, then it may be better to do away with it just for the wedding.

Our culture doesn’t recognize it as much as others even though it IS coming back. For those who may not attend parishes that regularly wear a veil, it may be very distracting.

I understand your position, but the veil should never take the position where pride is a factor in whether to wear it or not. It may be more humble to just acquiesce to wedding custom and do your best to blend in with everyone else.

 

[IrenkaJMJ]

Something to keep in mind, is that the devotion of covering one’s head is just that. One does not have to wear a mantilla. Since I attend TLM, I do mostly wear a mantilla, as do most women. But if I go to a NO Mass, I will wear something else so as not to attract attention to myself, while still being able to cover my head. You could wear a hat, or some kind of scarf, etc…

 

[baltobetsy]

I agree with IrenkaJMJ, that the idea is the general headcovering, not necessarily the specific mantilla. Very often a bridesmaid’s attire includes a lovely headpiece of some sort, and in years past this sometimes included a bit of a veil. Would your sister be amenable to all the bridesmaids wearing a headcovering - a cute little hat or wreath of flowers, perhaps, or something retro with a little veil? If so, you’ve got a win-win situation. If not, I’d say that the act of charity involved in leaving off your mantilla for the wedding would be more pleasing to God than your hanging on to your personal pious custom, which could make your sister and others uncomfortable.

Happy wedding planning!

Betsy

 

[Leah_Mommy_of_2]

I think it was kind of mean of the person that said it was “showy” to say. I think its beautiful. I go to a very conservative, older parish in the city once in awhile, and I see women of all ages wearing them. I think its respectful~~not something I would do, but God Bless those that do.

Leah

 

[Brian_Crane]

IrenkaJMJ:

But if I go to a NO Mass, I will wear something else so as not to attract attention to myself, while still being able to cover my head. You could wear a hat, or some kind of scarf, etc…

Maybe its a guy thing, but I don’t see how wearing a hat, or especially a scarf or etc ?? (I don’t know what etc. could be) attracts less attention than a mantilla. If someone sees you wearing a hat, they may think you are doing it for fashion sake, I guess, rather than out of piety , humility, or reverence. But is that better?

baltobetsy:

Would your sister be amenable to all the bridesmaids wearing a headcovering - a cute little hat or wreath of flowers, perhaps, or something retro with a little veil? If so, you’ve got a win-win situation.

Yes, that sounds like the best way to approach it. Hopefully your sister will be as respectful of your situation as you are of hers. Good Luck!

 

[IrenkaJMJ]

Brian Crane:

Maybe its a guy thing, but I don’t see how wearing a hat, or especially a scarf or etc ?? (I don’t know what etc. could be) attracts less attention than a mantilla. If someone sees you wearing a hat, they may think you are doing it for fashion sake, I guess, rather than out of piety , humility, or reverence. But is that better?

Personally, I never wear hats. And depending on the scarf or bandana, etc… it is usually less distracting than a lace mantilla. Believe me, I have never been accused of doing anything for “fashion’s sake”! Again, the point is to cover, not to wear a lace mantilla! Another point is that one is never going to please everyone all the time.

 

[puzzleannie]

will the wedding be taking place during a Catholic nuptial Mass? do you ordinarily wear a mantilla to Mass? then wear it. it can be black, doesn’t have to be white, and even if white, I can’t see it “competing” or being confused with any but the simplest bridal veil, and most brides are not into simple these days. if you are part of the wedding party, suggest an appropriate hat, flowers other head covering as part of the ensemble. Hats are always appropriate for female wedding guests at any kind of wedding, and so are gloves by the way. It certainly does not sound like the way you are thinking, but if a person were to do this simply to spite or annoy her sister, that would be another thing altogether. (My family might be a little meaner than yours).

 

[Monicathree]

You know what, you just gave me a great idea. The hat. I will be the matron of honor, so I can still have my head covered, without being the only other woman other than the bride wearing a veil. Wow, I know my sister would have no problem with that. Thanks a lot. God bless!!!

 

[NightRider]

You could also check out www.halo-works.com – they have lovely chapel caps and very modest veils that are much shorter and less noticeable than mantillas.

 

[SweetPea]

The bride and no one else, should be the center of attention (I say this after your oh-so-modest remark about her being in your shadow).

Just this once, try not to call attention to yourself and find yourself a nice little hat that no one will notice.

Do you think you can bear not to be the center of attention just this once? If you can, be careful not to dislocate your shoulder patting yourself on the back.

 

[Monicathree]

Wow Sweat Pea…you words were so harsh to me. I love my little sister and I think that SHE feels that way about being in my shadow…something that I am not comfortable with. That is why I wanted to make sure that I would do nothing wrong.
You don’t even know me and you were really uncharitable to say those things to me. I came here to ask for help, we are all brothers and sisters in Christ and try to do the best we can. Hopefully we grow and do better for one another each and every day. If I wanted attention and liked to pat myself on the back, I wouldn’t have even had thought of this. I can’t believe how quick you were to try to put me down. As a new convert, that is disappointing.

Peace

 

[cove]

Monicathree:

I am a mantilla wearing woman, it is part of my spirituality and I love it. I come from a totally non religious background. This is hypothetical, but could happen sooner than we think. At my sister’s wedding who is recently confirmed, would it be selfish and innapropriate for me to wear my mantilla. My sister does not wear one and NOBODY else would be wearing one. She is my kid sister, and I feel she has always kinda been in my shadow anyway. I would not want to do anything to take away from her very special day. It would be her in her bridal veil and me, the matron of honor, in my mantilla. Nobody would understand and it would probably cause more mumbling than anything. What do you think? I don’t want to turn my back on my devotion, but for the sake of my sister do I sacrifice my feelings? I tend to lean toward not wearing it, but what’s your advice??

I would say go with your gut feeling. You said you tend to lean toward not wearing it.

Do you think that you will be an attendant in her wedding? If so, you will probably be wearing something on your head anyway (veil, hat, flowers).

I think you are being very considereate of your sister thinking of this now. If you think it will somehow take any attention away from her on her special day, it won’t hurt you to not wear it this one time. But, I think you already know that.

 

[Monicathree]

Thanks so much!

 

[ridesawhitehors]

Monicathree ~

I admire you for being a mantilla wearer. I would do it to but I’m such a tomboy I just can’t pull it off. Lots of ladies in my parish wear them.

BTW ~ You can maintain the same spiritual devotion of wearing a mantilla by wearing a nice appropriate HAT to the wedding instead. Even though I think you should be able to wear your mantilla. If it is part of your devotion - it would be unreasonable for anyone to expect you to go against your conviction. Many of the ladies in my parish would consider it venial sin on their part to enter the chapel ‘uncovered’.

Also - ignore sweetpea’s not so sweet remarks… geesh!

Peace,
Ridesawhitehorse…

 

[Exporter]

I live eight miles from Mexico, on the Texas Border. I grew up in the Church when every female had a head covering.

Now, almost all women and girls use a Mantilla at Mass. They are mostly a black lace varity. I like them! It shows respect for what went on for 1900 years. I think it was Paul who said it first, “Ladies, cover your hair in Church”. Am I correct?

 

[Pinklady]

Monicathree:

Wow Sweat Pea…you words were so harsh to me. I love my little sister and I think that SHE feels that way about being in my shadow…something that I am not comfortable with. That is why I wanted to make sure that I would do nothing wrong.
You don’t even know me and you were really uncharitable to say those things to me. I came here to ask for help, we are all brothers and sisters in Christ and try to do the best we can. Hopefully we grow and do better for one another each and every day. If I wanted attention and liked to pat myself on the back, I wouldn’t have even had thought of this. I can’t believe how quick you were to try to put me down. As a new convert, that is disappointing.

Peace

If you don’t like the response to your words, maybe you need to consider how they make you sound before you post them. I had pretty much the same reaction and I’ll bet other people did too.