wedding blues

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sadie66

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Any advice on this situation:
My husband’s family (sisters, borthers and their kids) are mostly Sunday Catholics and seem to pick and choose which teachings they want to follow. They know me as the prude who insists on her family following the church to a ‘T’. We all get along well- they know my opinions of things and I try to gently evangelize when ever possible without being preachy. My husband’s twin sister is divorced (has not pursued an annulment) and there is a possiblity that she may marry again in the near future. Her ‘boyfriend’ is also divorced. My worry is that I will be stuck in a situation of being invited to a wedding that I don’t feel is moral. My husband is very close to his sister (as I am) and does not agree with me about the issue. Do I not attend and cause strife in the family? What do I tell my kids who love and respect their aunt? (They range in age from 5 to 18 yrs. old) Or would it be better to keep my opinions to myself and keep the piece? Thanks for any help!
 
You could buy her a copy of “Annulments And The Catholic Church: Straight Answers To Tough Questions” by Ed Peters - tell her that you understand that this can be a difficult process, and that you will be there for her.
 
You should discuss it with your priest.

In a situation like this, skipping the wedding but attending the reception could be an option. You don’t want to witness an invalid marriage and give it tacit support, but at the same time you creating a rift in the family makes it that much harder to help her move towards regularizing the marriage.
 
This question comes up often around here. Some will tell ya to lock down, and let the chips fall where they may, and in the end a bunch of people are gonna be in a bad mood.

My suggestion is to let her know what the rules are, I wouldn’t say “this is wrong but I’m gonna attend anyway etc”. You did all your part by reminding her of the rules, no need to say anything else.

If she goes on and does it anyway, you’re still in a position to talk to her, and eventually she might come around. Otherwise you run the risk of NOT talking to her for a very long time, and in that case you have NO influence.
 
I think you are smart to think about this now, early. You can bring it up with her now, way before they are picking out colors and dresses.
 
1ke said:
You should discuss it with your priest.

In a situation like this, skipping the wedding but attending the reception could be an option. You don’t want to witness an invalid marriage and give it tacit support, but at the same time you creating a rift in the family makes it that much harder to help her move towards regularizing the marriage.
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This is what my dad did years ago when his niece married outside the church. He wrote her a gently-worded letter explaining why he didn’t feel he could attend the wedding, but that Mum would be there and he would see her at the reception. Mum and Dad bought them a gift, and aside from Dad’s not witnessing the wedding, that was the end of that, they were treated just like any other couple in the family from then on. BUT he knew in advance that the niece, an easy-going live-and-let-live sort, wouldn’t cause a family row over it, would have thought “fair enough” and would appreciate the respect and courtesy shown in explaining it rather than just not showing up.

Guy and 1ke make a good point about not creating a rift if it isn’t totally necessary. Sometimes taking a longer-term view is better than getting stuck on being 100% in the right, right here and now.
 
The Apostle Paul tells us that he ate meat from the market without asking if it had been sacrified to idols. in other words, he did not go looking to be offended.

If you are pesky and demand to know about their annullment status, you will know the truth, but you will be unable to freely attend the wedding according to your conscience. If you presume that they are doing what they have to do, then you can attend. Unless they proudly flaunt their divorced status around, you - a charitable Christian - are probably required to think the best of the couple. Do you know for a fact that they are rejecting the annullment process and will even to the day of the marriage?

Sometimes charitable ignorance is our friend. We are not always called to be prophets, proclaiming God’s justice down on friends and familiy.
 
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