Wedding guest dilemna

[TreeHugger]

Hello all,
My fiance and I are getting married next summer, and naturally, our friends and family are curious about what we have planned for this special day…e.g. how many people, etc. One of my good guy friends announced about a month before we announced our engagement that he was gay. I would really like him to be there, but lately he’s been asking me if he can bring his boyfriend. So far, i’ve been evading his questioning by saying that i’m not sure how many people we’re inviting, and therefore, whether friends of ours will be able to bring dates. As Catholics, my fiance and I do not support his homosexual relationship. However, we also do not support a lot of other things, including our unmarried cousins living with their significant others, or those with babies outside of marriage. We’re leaning towards doing a reception that would allow our friends to bring dates, but I don’t think it would be fair to let all of our heterosexual friends bring dates, and not him. It seems unfair to discriminate against his lifestyle choice, but yet allow others (e.g. my cousins) to attend the wedding. We ourselves are certainly not perfect, and we don’t want to seem as though we’re judging him. But we also don’t want to seem as though we support his chosen lifestyle. Please help! i would appreciate any suggestions/comments.

 

[Tom]

TreeHugger:

My fiance and I are getting married next summer

Congratulations.

TreeHugger:

One of my good guy friends announced about a month before we announced our engagement that he was gay.

If he’s your “good friend” you need to direct him away from his sin. Is he a Catholic? If so, he needs to go see a priest. There is a lot that can be done for him. I’d advise you to read the CCC. That’s a tough question but I’d say we are to hate the sin, but love the sinner (that’s pretty basically what the CCC says)

TreeHugger:

I would really like him to be there, but lately he’s been asking me if he can bring his boyfriend.

Simple, don’t lie to him, tell him that would make you very uncomfortable.

TreeHugger:

So far, i’ve been evading his questioning by saying that i’m not sure how many people we’re inviting, and therefore, whether friends of ours will be able to bring dates. As Catholics, my fiance and I do not support his homosexual relationship.

Stop lying to him. It’s not acceptable. If you’re good friends why are you trying so hard not to help him? Address the problem, be a friend. Friends don’t let friends go to hell.

TreeHugger:

However, we also do not support a lot of other things, including

If these are a problem to you address them also. Are you willing to offend God rather than friends and family? Invite singles, if the people aren’t married. If your cousin John and his “other” are both friends, invite them both, individually. Don’t be politically correct and ignore your faith.

 

[St_Veronica]

TreeHugger:

Hello all,
My fiance and I are getting married next summer, and naturally, our friends and family are curious about what we have planned for this special day…e.g. how many people, etc. One of my good guy friends announced about a month before we announced our engagement that he was gay. I would really like him to be there, but lately he’s been asking me if he can bring his boyfriend. So far, i’ve been evading his questioning by saying that i’m not sure how many people we’re inviting, and therefore, whether friends of ours will be able to bring dates. As Catholics, my fiance and I do not support his homosexual relationship. However, we also do not support a lot of other things, including our unmarried cousins living with their significant others, or those with babies outside of marriage. We’re leaning towards doing a reception that would allow our friends to bring dates, but I don’t think it would be fair to let all of our heterosexual friends bring dates, and not him. It seems unfair to discriminate against his lifestyle choice, but yet allow others (e.g. my cousins) to attend the wedding. We ourselves are certainly not perfect, and we don’t want to seem as though we’re judging him. But we also don’t want to seem as though we support his chosen lifestyle. Please help! i would appreciate any suggestions/comments.

Well to avoid the accusation of hypocrisy…you can’t invite couples who are living together and then exclude the other.

So you have a decision to make…you can handle it where the invitation is extended to family/friends individually with the understanding they are not to bring dates. This may be the most fair way to handle the whole issue.

I do think at some point you should be honest with your gay friend about how you feel. Likewise if you disagree with your other friends/family who are ‘living together’ then it might be a good idea to, at some point, express your concerns over their lifestyle.

SV

 

[FairyMagdelaine]

I doubt Jesus would single him out by asking him to come sans date. Presumably many of the heterosexuals on your guest list engage in immoral behavior but this doesn’t scratch their dates off the list. IMHO the intentional exclusion of your friend’s SO gives Catholicism a bad name. Weddings are for celebrations, not to start wars. If it’s “too PC” to be kind, then…whatever.

 

[masondoggy]

My sister just got married Friday and had the same dilemma. Our parents neighbor’s daughter (who we grew up with) has a girlfriend and they can be pretty openly affectionate with eachother at parties. My sister was so worried about them doing this at the wedding. She invited her and guest, hoping she’d have the respect to restrain herself. She ended up coming alone and leaving her girlfriend at home. Boy, was my sister relieved!

I think you should talk to your friend and tell him you are very uncomfortable with open affection between him and his friend at your wedding. Tell him you feel it would be offensive to many of your guests. But invite his friend and hope for the best. Honesty is always the best policy and if your friend has any character at all he will respect your feelings on your wedding day and he will also appreciate that you took his feelings in consideration and invited his friend. I hope it works out for you.

 

[TreeHugger]

hi everyone,
thanks for your replies to my post. in answer to Tom, my friend went to Catholic high school with me, but he does not consider himself Catholic. He sees Catholics as anal people who won’t accept his lifestyle.
About my family, and my cousins who live together with their significant others…
My brother got married a few years ago, and only invited my cousins, and no dates. we rarely see them anymore, as they have all moved in different directions. when my bro didn’t invite their others, they raised a ruckus on the phone with him. then, they had the nerve to show up at the dinner and cause a scene. basically, if we excluded the dates, we’d have two things to contend with. one: the hassle we’d get. and two: most of our relatives are in relationships that the church wouldn’t approve of (e.g. living together unmarried, or living together and still not divorced from the last marriage!).

 

[system]

TreeHugger:

He sees Catholics as anal people who won’t accept his lifestyle.

Then why does he want to be at a Catholic wedding? Personally, I’d not invite the “dates” of those living together, and I in any event wouldn’t invite the date of the gentleman you’re speaking of. Just the comment of Catholics being “anal people” would have me worried the entire day that he’d just be waiting to irritate someone. A wedding is stressful enough without having to worry about what a guest is behaving like.

JELane

 

[pittsburghjeff]

This is your day and this is one of the few times in life that you will be the one who gets to set the rules. Do you want a Christ-centered wedding or don’t you? If you do there is no place for open displays of homosexuality. It’s your call but when we got married three months ago we didn’t invite the gay partners of either of two gay relatives. And those relatives had enough respect for us and our faith not to be offended.

You need to get away from using terms like “lifestyle choice” when talking about homosexuality. It is a perversion.
You should love your friend but don’t forget to hate his sin.

 

[Tom]

TreeHugger:

my friend went to Catholic high school with me, but he does not consider himself Catholic.

That is sad. He’s giving up his eternal salvation for carnal pleasures. We all need to pray for him. That being said, we pray for him, we do not need to accept his sinful perversion. I am making no distinction between his perversion and those of the others living in sexual sin. Who is “worse” is for God to decide, not I. To me it’s like asking if you’d rather die from being shot with a .44 magnum or a .357 magnum. The obvious answer is neither.

TreeHugger:

About my family, and my cousins who live together with their significant others…

No offense, but, your family (extended) sounds a little dysfunctional. You need to decide whether your family’s values are those you will follow in this instance. It’s not a life changing event. Inviting them won’t make you a sinner. You have to decide which will work better, feeling you’re approving of their lifestyles by inviting them, or feeling guilty and judgmental by not inviting them. I’d go with the judgmental myself, but that’s me.

TreeHugger:

if we excluded the dates, we’d have two things to contend with. one: the hassle we’d get. and two: most of our relatives are in relationships that the church wouldn’t approve of (e.g. living together unmarried, or living together and still not divorced from the last marriage!).

Sounds like extortion. I’m just bullheaded enough to not invite them and enjoy the fight which comes. That’s me, and not necessarily what you should do, especially on your wedding day. Discuss it between yourselves.