Wedding kiss alternatives (civil)

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alice24

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Hello,

with God´s help I will get married in december and as the civil marriage ceremony is discussed now, I started to think about the kiss. Here the registrar says “you may now kiss the bride” in the civil ceremony, too, but I don´t like this. We both are not the people for intimacy in public.
Is there a nice alternative without “breaking” the ceremony? I don´t want to just skip it, because some friends are familiar with this, but I don´t want the kiss there.

Greetings,
Alice
 
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If you don’t want to do a kiss on the lips, then do one on the cheek.

A quick lip peck is in no way scandalous or inappropriate for civil company.
 
Well, It´s not that I think it could be scandalous…we are simply not the people for the whole “romantic-kissing-sweets” agenda 😉

But a kiss on the cheek sounds good…
 
My husband and I are not PDA people but I don’t see how a quick peck could be misconstrued in any way.

It’s not an agenda, it’s being an adult.

I’m not sure you realize it, but your decision is going to reek of immature cooties to everyone else.
 
You may misunderstood me - a marriage is a serious decision for me and has for me nothing to do with birds, flowers and pink decoration as it is celebrated in the media. We don´t want this. We love each other and are responsible for our life, I don´t see your point.
 
alice24 said:
You may misunderstood me - a marriage is a serious decision for me and has for me nothing to do with birds, flowers and pink decoration as it is celebrated in the media. We don´t want this. We love each other and are responsible for our life, I don´t see your point.
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Which makes me think even more that this is being approached with immaturity. One can have a very affordable church wedding with a light reception for cheap and respect the sacrament.

When in the civil realm, you’re dealing with different things, but much the same. If you want to strip things down to the bare minimum, you have the promises to each other in front of 2 witnesses. Thes promises are romantic in nature. By avoiding the only inclination of romance you might as well be signing a contract to buy a car.

Social expectations are that at the very minimum two people who want to be married commit to each other civilly in a ceremony with a legal minister and at least 2 witnesses. The commitment is romantic in nature. Again, you’re not signing a business deal, this is a promise that is supposed to indicate that you are going to be forever, and singularly, romantically bound to this person.

One can both religiously and civilly get rid of the trimmings, but at the heart of both ceremonies is a romantic commitment. Not kissing in a civil ceremony that boast of little else changes the inherent nature of the promise to strictly a business deal with very little display otherwise. At least in the Church one has the sacramental graces…but civilly–all you have is a brokered deal if you take out the kiss.

Which could only lead an observer to believe that both parties show great immaturity surrounding a very common symbol of romantic affection, or are so uncomfortable displaying affection they have some sort of body dysmorphic issue.
 
Birds, flowers and pink decorations are also used in real life weddings. They are symbols of the celebration. Many people would understand a couple who wants a toned down ceremony and reception. That’s not an issue. But saying things like, “as it is celebrated in the media” just makes it seem like you have bought into the media narrative of what wedding is “supposed” to be…which is immature, but understandable if you are young.

There is no replacement for the phrase ‘you may kiss the bride’ - at least none that would be smooth. You’d just have to skip it altogether, and hopefully people won’t notice. Because if they do they’ll probably ask you about it, and then you have this weird can of worms to contend with on your wedding day.

I would never consider a peck on the lips to be PDA. There is nothing mushy about it.
 
Forgive me Xanthippe, but a sweet kiss on the cheek can indeed be a sign of warm affection even between newlyweds. It could be a cultural issue. This is the option that Alice has accepted as suitable for herself and her groom in her second post on this thread
I would much prefer to see a sweet kiss, than an openly passionate kiss in public, whatever the occasion.

The affectionate kiss rather than a passionate kiss could be a sign of maturity in this instance, rather than of immaturity. The family and friends will know this couple, and I don’t doubt that they will find joy in seeing this couple marrying and conducting themselves in a way that to them expresses their genuine love.
The key here may be cultural differences…

Although there may not be obvious apparent differences, even families often have their unique yet valid cultures. Personally, I prefer passionate kisses to be private, not shared in front of a everyone, and if I’m immature, there’s little hope for me!

There are many ways to express the loving bond, a sweet smile between the couple can delight.
I’ve attended many family weddings, coming from a large family, but I do not ever recall anyone passionately kissing when the priest said, ‘you ma kiss the bride’. We easily read all the signs of love between the couple, even the subtle ones.

Yet in some families, I’m sure the display of much emotion would cause delight.
 
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Trishie said:
Forgive me Xanthippe, but a sweet kiss on the cheek can indeed be a sign of warm affection even between newlyweds. It could be a cultural issue
I would much prefer to see a sweet kiss, than an openly passionate kiss in public, whatever the occasion.
The affectionate kiss rather than a passionate kiss could be a sign of maturity in this instance, rather than of immaturity. The family and friends will know this couple, and I don’t doubt that they will find joy in seeing this couple marrying and conducting themselves in a way that to them expresses their genuine love.
The key here may be cultural differences…

Although there may not be obvious apparent differences, even families often have their unique yet valid cultures. Personally, I prefer passionate kisses to be private, not shared in front of a everyone, and if I’m immature, there’s little hope for me!

There are many ways to express the loving bond, a sweet smile between the couple can delight.
I’ve attended many family weddings, coming from a large family, but I do not ever recall anyone passionately kissing when the priest said, ‘you ma kiss the bride’.We easily read all the signs of love between the couple, even the subtle ones.

Yet in some families, I’m sure the display of much emotion would cause delight.
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When I speak of kiss, I’m speaking of an affectionate PDA appropriate kiss. I would say passionate kisses are best reserved for behind closed doors. But no kissing at all? Reeks of 4th grade boy to me.
 
Yes, you’re right, but I think she posted because she was open to suggestion,
and you yourself kindly provided the option that she has taken on board.

That’s a wedding that will have a sweet kiss thanks to your suggestion.
I realize now that you may have registered her acceptance of your idea, couched as it was in your concern.
If I had, I should have pointed out that you’d already made your point by your first response and she’s accepted your suggestion. You may not have noticed because you were already occupied with further defending the joy of marriage.

Given that she has decided upon a kiss on the cheek, I was worried that she might feel hurt about the suggestion that she was immature, I’m hopelessly empathetic, was since I was knee-high to a grasshopper.
 
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Marriage is a covenant.
A kiss, a simple, short kiss is a sign of assent in nearly all cultures and I might add, for centuries between parties making a covenant.
Intentionally skipping it would be very hurtful to anyone who knows why the custom began.

You often see men in other cultures exchange a kiss as greeting and as agreement/covenant in other matters.
 
It’s okay Clare, thanks to a suggestion from Zanthippe, Alice is going for kisses on the cheek.
That can be very sweet
 
I wasn’t necessarily telling her how to kiss, I just wanted to point out that there is a longstanding traditional reason for it.
Love you, Trishie!
 
Trishie said:
Yes, you’re right, but I think she posted because she was open to suggestion,
and you yourself kindly provided the option that she has taken on board.

That’s a wedding that will have a sweet kiss thanks to your suggestion.

My response was because I don’t think you may have registered her acceptance of your idea, couched as it was in your concern.
I should have pointed out that you’d already made your point by your first response and she’s accepted your suggestion. You may not have noticed because you were already occupied with further defending the joy of marriage.

Given that she has decided upon a kiss on the cheek, I was worried that she might feel hurt about the suggestion that she was immature, I’m hopelessly empathetic, was since I was knee-high to a grasshopper.
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I suggested a kiss on the cheek almost flippantly. Mostly because I was trying to show how non-offensive a quick kiss is.

I spoke further on the matter out of concern for her attitude. No matter if it is a civil marriage or a sacramental one there are outward signs of what is occurring.

In some cultures, a kiss on the cheek is considered an appropriate greeting among even far associated acquaintances.

As a note, and NOT legal advice. If one’s marriage is ever called into question like civil annulment or because of immigration the lack of kiss may very well be considered lack of intent since the civil ceremony contains so few other notes of value. Since legally one cannot vow your life in civil law, civil marriage, at least in American, boils down to a contract.

The tradition, at least in English speaking countries (and most western society) is to have a kiss on the lips, however brief. Diverting from that is going to cause many questions.
 
Hopefully Xanthippe,
according to her situation, Alice will give due consideration to your careful elucidation of the legal and social implications regarding a marriage ceremony.
I cannot see the problem with a brief kiss on the lips, and perhaps, in discussion with her future groom she can arrive at that quietly affectionate choice, even if persuaded by the question of questionable legality that you raise.
 
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Trishie said:
Hopefully Xanthippe,
according to her situation, Alice will give due consideration to your careful elucidation of the legal and social implications regarding a marriage ceremony.
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Agreed hopefully she will.

That said, in a religious context, the “thing we do” after the Our Father during Mass is actually more accurately the “kiss of peace” showing the importance of the kiss in even fraternal affection.
 
Well, there’s also another good point.
I remember being in Ireland when I met my future husband, and at the “Sign” of peace, I leaned over to kiss him and he, his father, and the people around me were horrified.
Apparently they don’t use the term “kiss of peace”. 😯

Romans 16:16 Greet each other with a holy kiss.

Kissing can indeed be VERY holy, form the earliest Christians to today.
 
Well. pastors don’t generally ask, correct. but JP’s do…
 
Thank you for your responses.

First, I am a little surprised how people who don´t even know me can call me “immature”. Sorry, but this is rude and simply not correct. I won´t give you my whole life story here, but if you knew it, you would probably a bit ashamed of this word.
Kissing is a cultural thing, too. I was raised in a mixed middle-eastern-european family, and in almost every middle east country kissing is - as every close body contact, event between married couples - traditionally something kept in private, no matter in which religious group. I am simply not very familiar with the idea of “celebrated intimacy”, as this feels for me. A kiss on the cheek or on the forehead could be a good alternative for me, I think it is not less lovely in this situation.
 
I think a kiss on the cheek (or forehead) sounds even more endearing.

God bless and congratulations on your engagement 🙂
 
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