Wedding ring unless actively looking to court?

[Phemie]

If it becomes a widespread practice that singles wear wedding bands to deflect inquiries and advances, then wedding bands won’t deflect inquiries for those who are married, even inquiries from the people who respect marriage. As it is now, the people who would care to look for a wedding band are the most likely to know how to take “no” for an answer, too. They’re not really the people that cause the main concern, are they?

It’s also a fact that men wearing wedding bands is a fairly new thing – note that William slipped a ring on Kate’s finger, she didn’t give him one – and even a ring for the woman is optional.

No men I knew growing up wore wedding bands, in fact it was so unusual for a man to wear one that when couples started exchanging rings as well as vows it was noted in the wedding announcement as a “Double ring ceremony”. Dad only started wearing a wedding band after he and Mom exchanged rings at their 25th anniversary renewal of vows.

 

[The_Bucket]

It’s also a fact that men wearing wedding bands is a fairly new thing – note that William slipped a ring on Kate’s finger, she didn’t give him one – and even a ring for the woman is optional.

No men I knew growing up wore wedding bands, in fact it was so unusual for a man to wear one that when couples started exchanging rings as well as vows it was noted in the wedding announcement as a “Double ring ceremony”. Dad only started wearing a wedding band after he and Mom exchanged rings at their 25th anniversary renewal of vows.

Considering that jewelry is expensive (even a simple gold band can be pricey, especially given the run the metal has been on over the last few years as an inflation hedge) and most men had jobs that included a ton of manual labor, that makes a lot of sense. If I had a blue-collar job, there’s no way I would wear my ring to work.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I have always worn my wedding rings, unfortunately I have developed psoriasis on that finger and I cannot wear them right now. (Also gained weight and they don’t fit)

No one has propositioned me because I don’t wear a wedding ring. I guess I act married even without the ring.

 

[karow]

If I had a blue-collar job, there’s no way I would wear my ring to work.

The man who’s currently remodeling our bathroom wears a wedding ring made from tungsten. And when he’s not hanging cement board and tile, he’s a professional blacksmith and ferrier. He’s worn his ring every day for six years, and his ring looks new.

 

[Phemie]

The man who’s currently remodeling our bathroom wears a wedding ring made from tungsten. And when he’s not hanging cement board and tile, he’s a professional blacksmith and ferrier. He’s worn his ring every day for six years, and his ring looks new.

Some jobs don’t allow you to wear a wedding ring, too easy to have a finger ripped off.

 

[karow]

If it becomes a widespread practice that singles wear wedding bands to deflect inquiries and advances, then wedding bands won’t deflect inquiries for those who are married, even inquiries from the people who respect marriage. As it is now, the people who would care to look for a wedding band are the most likely to know how to take “no” for an answer, too. They’re not really the people that cause the main concern, are they?

The number of people scouting for mates in real time is dwindling. Many, many people meet and marry via the interwebs. One of my colleagues got married last year to a neat guy she met online, and they’re both in thier 60s. So it ain’t just the young 'uns who are doing it.

And if one is looking for a casual hook-up (no one here, of course), online is truly where it’s at these days. My single 36-year-old brother-in-law, who’s sitting in the other chair, just confirmed this for me. So, wedding rings as come-on deflectors is becoming a moot point anyway.

About the whole ‘attractiveness’ issue. Sigh. I’ve been hanging around here far too much lately. A week or two ago I went 'round and 'round with another member who thought beards and make-up and fashionable clothing were “vanity” and therefore sinful.

 

[karow]

Some jobs don’t allow you to wear a wedding ring, too easy to have a finger ripped off.

Absolutely.

 

[Spirithound]

I ask this partially in jest, but there’s a serious idea behind it…

… Should men and women, married or single, always wear a wedding ring unless and until they are actively looking for a potential spouse?

Similarly, should men and women avoid making themselves attractive unless they are doing the same?

You know, a couple years ago in the “English Debating Society”, we ran a case regarding whether we ought to have to wear rings that display our marital status/intentions via colour-code. It was quite entertaining.

 

[EasterJoy]

About the whole ‘attractiveness’ issue. Sigh. I’ve been hanging around here far too much lately. A week or two ago I went 'round and 'round with another member who thought beards and make-up and fashionable clothing were “vanity” and therefore sinful.

Beards? How many crucifixes don’t depict Our Lord in a beard…about 1%? Is it a vanity for a woman to fail to shave her legs, too?

Alas, this has been around a long time. I know of a priest who was put under interdict because he warned young ladies in his parish that he would not allow hoop skirts in his church, because such things were a vain fashion. At a service at the church later that day, he drove some young women dressed in that manner from the church, reportedly with the help of a hickory stick. Since the Church came down on the side of the young ladies back when hoops skirts were a new fad, I think it is fair to say that fashionable clothing is not forbidden by the Church…and these were the days when no one was accusing the Church of failing to call a sin a sin!

Obviously, this is not a “Vatican II” thing, and obviously there were people who were more Catholic than the Magesterium long before Vatican II was a twinkle in Pope John XXIII’s eye.

 

[EasterJoy]

The number of people scouting for mates in real time is dwindling.

I’m thinking that inquiries from people looking for a long-term commitment aren’t the main problem that false wedding bands are meant to address. It’s a way to maintain a pretense without lying by way of the lips. Lying is not OK for light reasons, but if the ring pretense makes someone feel safer, I don’t have a problem with it. In fact, if the intention is not to lie, I don’t think the custom of reserving some particular finger for wedding rings is binding on all single people. It is OK to wear jewelry against the prevailing custom, as long as you don’t use it to lie or take any offense when you give the wrong impression.

I think it ought to be obvious, too, that widows and widowers can wear their wedding rings for as long as they like. I’ve heard of people trying to deny them that. Were I widowed, I’d take that as a nosy imposition and something of a cruelty. (Again, that you are not falsely telling people you are married when you are not is taken for granted.)

 

[karow]

I’m thinking that inquiries from people looking for a long-term commitment aren’t the main problem that false wedding bands are meant to address. It’s a way to maintain a pretense without lying by way of the lips. Lying is not OK for light reasons, but if the ring pretense makes someone feel safer, I don’t have a problem with it. In fact, if the intention is not to lie, I don’t think the custom of reserving some particular finger for wedding rings is binding on all single people. It is OK to wear jewelry against the prevailing custom, as long as you don’t use it to lie or take any offense when you give the wrong impression.

I think it ought to be obvious, too, that widows and widowers can wear their wedding rings for as long as they like. I’ve heard of people trying to deny them that. Were I widowed, I’d take that as a nosy imposition and something of a cruelty. (Again, that you are not falsely telling people you are married when you are not is taken for granted.)

Agreed. Plus we shouldn’t forget that not all cultures or classes wear wedding rings, as has been brought up, and the “wedding ring finger” also changes. Germans, for example, will wear their wedding rings on their right hands, which can cause confusion if you’re not aware of this.

Beards? How many crucifixes don’t depict Our Lord in a beard…about 1%? Is it a vanity for a woman to fail to shave her legs, too?

Alas, this has been around a long time. I know of a priest who was put under interdict because he warned young ladies in his parish that he would not allow hoop skirts in his church, because such things were a vain fashion. At a service at the church later that day, he drove some young women dressed in that manner from the church, reportedly with the help of a hickory stick. Since the Church came down on the side of the young ladies back when hoops skirts were a new fad, I think it is fair to say that fashionable clothing is not forbidden by the Church…and these were the days when no one was accusing the Church of failing to call a sin a sin!

Obviously, this is not a “Vatican II” thing, and obviously there were people who were more Catholic than the Magesterium long before Vatican II was a twinkle in Pope John XXIII’s eye.

My grandmother use to tell a hilarious story from the 50s when The Twist was popular. Apparently one of the parish priests thought this dance was the epitome of scandalous and would rail against it every change he could. When one of my grandpa’s nieces was planning her wedding, he cautioned her that playing The Twist at her wedding reception was just inviting Satan into her marriage. :tsktsk:

Well, they threw caution to the wind and played it. My grandpa and a bunch of his brothers, all of them drunk as skunks, showed the rest of the family how The Twist was really supposed to be danced. And they threw their backs out. The priest was delighted.

 

[themeginthemoon]

I like to make myself attractive, not in order to tempt or attract the opposite gender, but because I like to appear like someone who respects herself! I dress in flattering, fairly modest clothing and wear makeup if I feel like it.

I am married and do not wear a wedding band, because I am pregnant and the darn thing doesn’t fit anymore! Even without the pregnancy, I retain fluid in my joints from time to time, making any ring uncomfortable. People probably assume I’m an unwed mother, but that’s their problem, not mine! I usually wear my wedding band on a necklace.

 

[skigirl1689]

Some jobs don’t allow you to wear a wedding ring, too easy to have a finger ripped off.

Exactly! The company my dad works for has a rule that he cannot wear his ring because of the risk of getting caught on machinery. He never wears it because he can be called into work at any time and just doesn’t wasn’t want to risk it.

My grandpa was a farmer and my mom told me he almost lost his finger because of this. I think the subject came up when my sisters and I asked why my dad didn’t wear his ring

 

[Augusta_Sans]

I’m surprised no one has mentioned the popularity of “purity rings” among teenage girls. I don’t know if this is a Catholic tradition, but some Protestant teenagers wear a purity ring on their left ring finger to serve as a reminder of their promise to remain chaste until marriage.

I think the answer to this question is all about intentions. I see nothing wrong with wearing a ring on your wedding finger to remind yourself why you remain chaste or to signal to others that you’re not interested in dating. So long as you don’t claim that you are married (or engaged) when you are not, I personally think it’s not your fault if a stranger makes the false assumption that you’re married.

 

[EasterJoy]

My grandmother use to tell a hilarious story from the 50s when The Twist was popular. Apparently one of the parish priests thought this dance was the epitome of scandalous and would rail against it every change he could. When one of my grandpa’s nieces was planning her wedding, he cautioned her that playing The Twist at her wedding reception was just inviting Satan into her marriage. :tsktsk:

Well, they threw caution to the wind and played it. My grandpa and a bunch of his brothers, all of them drunk as skunks, showed the rest of the family how The Twist was really supposed to be danced. And they threw their backs out. The priest was delighted.

I agree with your grandma!!

 

[LaMusicaSenior]

I know this is a late reply - But have you ever thought about wearing a purity ring? Similiar idea. You pledge to God and your future spouse your purity and promise to wait for your future spouse.

I wear a purity ring, and let me tell you,it starts and ends conversations pretty good

On the note of attractiveness - your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. We should treat it as such, and that includes looking put together - it is when vanity takes over and that’s the main activiity and thought of the day that it is taking it too far.

Hope I helped, God bless you all!

Chloe M.