Welcoming sinners without compromising morals

[Brad]

TarAshly:

You dont know their circumstances. My husband and I lived together before we were married for a family issue. Basically my sister and her baby came to live with my parents and I was sleeping on the floor. I moved out on my own, but wasnt getting by so my then fiance moved here to help me. Pretty soon he couldnt support his apartment and mine so we condensed down to one. He was on the couch and i was in the bed. we were upfront and honest about this in our pre cana classes and we received the guidance that was needed to get us through till our wedding day. we struggled like any new couple would but we are happy and in love. we have been married nearly a year. If they had told us they wouldnt marry us we would have left the church.

A few things:

1. Buying a bed is cheaper than renting a new apartment
2. Why struggle more spiritually than you have to? It is better to struggle physically than spiritually.
3. Why would you have left the Church? If you believe the Church is the pillar and bulwark of Truth, why would one pastoral decision that is essentially a minor inconvenience, that would build patience and fortitude (both virtues) in the long run, drive you away from His mystical body?
4. Would you forever hold a grudge against the Church because of one pastoral decision which was guided by concern for you eternal soul?

TarAshly:

It would have hurt me to my heart to be turned away like that. so no they shouldnt be shunned and kicked out. we kept our private lives private. no one knew our situation except for us and the priest and deacon that married us. we are good faithful Catholics. I am in the legion, my husband and i both taugh CCE and he is a Knight. they always call us when they need volunteers and we are always there. just because you made a mistake in the past doesnt make you a bad person or a bad Catholic. we had a beautiful Catholic wedding and now we have a beautiful Catholic life. It isnt kind to judge before you understand their situation. Do i regret it? Yes, of course I do. But it doesnt make me a bad person or doom my marriage.

Why is it that so many equate a pastoral decision to wait on a sacrament = kicking somebody out of the Church? That is not what is happening.

If you regret the past decision then why do you justify NOT being corrected so that you would not today have the regret. Would you prefer to have a past of regreat or a past of holiness? I know I have plenty of my past that I regret. I know that through Jesus Christ, I can be made whole again and I rejoice in my present. However, I would still prefer I had a past of holiness and that someone was there to tell me what I was doing was wrong - fraternal correction - when it was happening.

Nobody is saying anyone is a bad person or doomed or should be kicked out. What some are saying is that Jesus is holy, holy, holy and His sacraments should be approached in this manner for our good in the short and long terms.

 

[Brad]

Some say that they are glad nobody told them that they should not live together prior to marriage. Others say they are glad nobody told them that they should not sleep together prior to marriage or use contraception at any time.

But doesn’t this depend on how this teaching is presented, including the level of charity? Too often, individuals fear correction because they are put on the defensive. When truth is conveyed in fullness and in charity, these defenses are frequently broken down for those that have pure motives and intentions.

It seems that most here usually have pure motives and right intentions. Perhaps, with the correct teaching and charity, you might have seen things differently and embraced the Church more fully and sooner as opposed to taking up a defensive posture against the holy Church.

I understand that there are some that would resist ANY correction no matter how it is done. But these are individuals that already are opposed to the Church for one reason or another and then you have to wonder what there motivation is in going to a Catholic marriage preperation program. For some, it could be simply to appease their partner so that they, in turn, can ultimately get what they want. This is sad and not the way to go into a life of self-sacrifice and giving to your partner.