What about those who make promises for you?

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Lexee15

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I would like to know what the Church’s stand is on this, if there is one. If there is not please give me your opinions.

My mom has a tendency of making promises for others, usually family members. For example, my nephew has been very ill this last week and was hospitalized, she was very worried and was praying for him and his recovery. That’s all good, but then she told me that she made a promise that my sister would take my nephew to see Our Lady of Guadalupe at her shrine when he got better:shrug:.

She’d done this to my sister and I before for different things. How can a person do that? To what degree are we made responsible for a promise someone else makes? Then she gets upset if we don’t honor the promise for some reason or another:mad:.

I did this once, and I won’t do it again, I realized that if a promise was going to be made it would be something that I would do and not expect someone else to do it.

I’ve wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t do this, I don’t think it’s right or fair to make promises for someone else, even if it is for a good reason. Before I do this I want to get something to back me up when I tell her that it’s wrong to this. Can anyone shed some light on this?
 
Lexee15 said:
To what degree are we made responsible for a promise someone else makes? Then she gets upset if we don’t honor the promise for some reason or another:mad:.
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Are you (or your sister) 5 or 15 years old? If so, it is quite reasonable to expect your mother to tell you what to do (but even in this situation then she must consult with you first, and make her promise later).
If you’re an adult, you are in no way responsible for your mother’s promises. If she makes a promise, it is up to her, not somebody else, to fulfill it. Even if she gets mad and/or starts some sort of blackmailing, when others don’t fulfill her promises, it doesn’t make it right for her. Unfortunately, some parents believe that their children never reach the age of 6, so everything they tell their children, must be done. But that is not so.
If you don’t fulfill your mothers promises, it doesn’t mean at all that you’re not honoring her (she’s got a responsibility to respect you, too, you know!). Talk to her (and don’t let her brush your worries off or put a guilt trap on you), but if she doesn’t listen to you, you’ll just have to accept her as she is.
God bless you all.
 
if you are talking about some kind of solemn vow in the religious sense, it can only be done by the individual, with full knowledge and consent, and with capacity to make the vow. a binding vow such as religious consecration may be taken only with consent of the bishop.

if you are talking about a promesa, certainly a family could agree together, but one person cannont make a unlitateral promise binding another person and it would be null and void. consider mother’s anxiety that caused her to make the promise, and work on better mutual understanding of prayer in situations such as these, the purpose of prayer (to conform to the will of God, for strength in accepting His will, to see that all things work for the good), and on coming together as a family in this crisis, not in allowing anything to become divisive at this time.
 
puzzleannie said:
if you are talking about a promesa, certainly a family could agree together, but one person cannont make a unlitateral promise binding another person and it would be null and void. consider mother’s anxiety that caused her to make the promise, and work on better mutual understanding of prayer in situations such as these, the purpose of prayer (to conform to the will of God, for strength in accepting His will, to see that all things work for the good), and on coming together as a family in this crisis, not in allowing anything to become divisive at this time.
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This is exactly what I’m talking about. I understand why she makes these “promesas”, it’s usually during a very hard time or crisis. And as another poster stated, she does use a guilt trip to make us fulfill the promise she made. I’ve always thought that it’s not right to do, we’re nowhere around when she makes these promises so it’s never been a family decision. I could understand coming together as a family and making a promise of sacrifice for whatever our petition might be.

After all I’ve been through I’ve really limited my prayers of petition, I pray mostly for strength to accept His will. I pray for what I would like to happen, but more for being able to have the acceptance, patience and trust that I need to get through what His will is.

I’ve shared that with my mom, I’ve said it in passing, but it doesn’t seem to stick. I get irritated because she makes these promises and when they are not done or done in her timeframe she’s upset, complaining and giving guilt trips:mad:.

I’m glad to hear that if my sister doesn’t follow through with the promises my mom made in her name that no one will be held responsible because she didn’t have knowledge or gave consent for it. Is there any official Church teaching on this?
 
You or your sister are not responsible for any promises your mother makes, but in her defense, she probably does it out of fear and worry,
 
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