What am I gonna do?

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Logan

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Hi, I am having a problem and I would like to know if anyone can help or give me advice. I know this is a very touchy topic but I am desperate! I have been impure with myself for a good many years and I have been praying and doing research and talking with a Priest. I am married and have children. I know this is a mortal sin and I am really trying to get over this obstacle, but am finding it very difficult. My wife is very hurt by this solitary sexual addiction I have, because of the lack of relations I have with her. I seem to be able to resist her more than I do myself and I don’t understand why? What is wrong with me that I would contiue to do this knowing that it hurts her so much? Sometimes I just want to give up because I think God will never answer my prayers. I am so disgusted with myself!!! Somebody please help me!
 
There is a current thread on this forum titled “I can’t feel God’s love for me” that asks nearly the same question. You might want to check it out and get involved in that discussion.

cheddar
 
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cheddarsox:
There is a current thread on this forum titled “I can’t feel God’s love for me” that asks nearly the same question. You might want to check it out and get involved in that discussion.

cheddar
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Thanks, but I didn’t know if I should intrude onto someone else’s post. I know some people like to have their answers directed straight to them. Thanks again!
 
I don’t want to discourage you from having your own thread, but in my experience, sometimes folks don’t have enough “energy” to post of several threads on the very same topic at once. and I would hate to see your issue go without attention due to people being involved on that thread. Sometimes people don’t find the time to repost the advice given elsewhere, and I think some good ideas have come up reguarding this issue.

cheddar
 
You seem greatly distressed! I strongly suggest you keep in mind God’s Mercy, always.

Go to confession as often as you need to. I forget who said it, but “be ashamed when you sin. NEVER be ashamed when you repent.”

Thomas Aquinas, in pondering why sexual sins and lust were SO COMMON reasoned that perhaps God allowed them to remind us of our frailty, to protect us from the more dangerous sin of Pride.

So sin is still sin, and you need to avoid committing sin of course, but trust in God’s mercy and let him bring good out of evil.

He loves you!

Also: the sin your describe is psychologically addictive. Don’t beat yourself up over it, just keep going to confession regularly. The addictive nature of the sin can really reduce culpability (see the Catechism on the issue).
 
perhaps God allowed them to remind us of our frailty, to protect us from the more dangerous sin of Pride.

Isn’t it a sin of pride anyway to commit this sin? (Self abuse)
 
It’s only a sin of pride if you do it for prideful reasons.

Self-abuse is primarily a sin of disordinate love. Love is good and beautiful, but the sin involves too much of it in the wrong way.

Understanding its sinful nature, your need (and all of our need!) for repentance, and your desire to grow in holiness all suggest to me that pride is not the principal root of you sin. I can’t read hearts, I’m just going by what you wrote.

(But you do have a point in that ALL sin is related to pride. But not all in the same way.)

I don’t know if my advise was helpful or not, but I’m trying to speak from personal experience and not just theological reflection. But I’ll do something better for you than advice, I’ll pray for you.
 
When I confess such sins, my priest always tells me to invoke the help of our Mother Mary. She wasn’t made pure so we could feel guilty that we aren’t. She was made pure so that we would have someone to help us in our struggles.

I know it’s hard, but when temptation strikes, IMMEDIATELY ask for Mary’s help and go do something else. Just getting up and walking around can help.

Most importantly, don’t let it get you so down. Whenever I mess up, the devil plays with my head and tells me that I’ve already screwed up so bad, I shouldn’t even bother fighting it any more; since I’ve already done it once, a few more times won’t add to the harm. But that isn’t true. Yes, you’ve messed up one, but instead of following that with many more mess-ups, counteract it with several avoidances. The times you fight off the temptations count, too.

Keep fighting! You’re not alone in this battle!
 
Thomas More:
It’s only a sin of pride if you do it for prideful reasons.

Self-abuse is primarily a sin of disordinate love. Love is good and beautiful, but the sin involves too much of it in the wrong way.

Understanding its sinful nature, your need (and all of our need!) for repentance, and your desire to grow in holiness all suggest to me that pride is not the principal root of you sin. I can’t read hearts, I’m just going by what you wrote.

(But you do have a point in that ALL sin is related to pride. But not all in the same way.)

I don’t know if my advise was helpful or not, but I’m trying to speak from personal experience and not just theological reflection. But I’ll do something better for you than advice, I’ll pray for you.
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Thank you very much, I would appreciate that! God Bless
 
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MariaGorettiGrl:
When I confess such sins, my priest always tells me to invoke the help of our Mother Mary. She wasn’t made pure so we could feel guilty that we aren’t. She was made pure so that we would have someone to help us in our struggles.

I know it’s hard, but when temptation strikes, IMMEDIATELY ask for Mary’s help and go do something else. Just getting up and walking around can help.

Most importantly, don’t let it get you so down. Whenever I mess up, the devil plays with my head and tells me that I’ve already screwed up so bad, I shouldn’t even bother fighting it any more; since I’ve already done it once, a few more times won’t add to the harm. But that isn’t true. Yes, you’ve messed up one, but instead of following that with many more mess-ups, counteract it with several avoidances. The times you fight off the temptations count, too.

Keep fighting! You’re not alone in this battle!
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The Devil does the same thing to me, playing with my head. I just can’t stand it! I will keep fighting the best I know how to and I will try to immediately ask for Mary’s help. Thank you!!
 
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