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EphelDuath
Guest
Hello all. I would like some material to read (preferably online & free) about the Catholic Church’s teachings on one’s relationship with his/her family, and what the corresponding moral duties are. I’m currently reading and analyzing CCC 2197-2257.
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you” is the Fourth Commandment (Ex 20:12; Deut 5:16). However, it is generally considered that the imperative to honor your parents are abrogated if they are physically or emotionally abusive and cause harm to you. But this is a nebulous standard to go by; what is ‘abuse’ isn’t always obvious. Say your parents are controlling your finances and preventing you from moving out of their home under the justification that “they’re doing what’s best for you”. But your judgment says otherwise, that they are simply financially manipulating you with sinful intentions. Obviously this comes down to the individual and particular case, but by what standard do you know when the Fourth Commandment does not apply?
I have many, many friends who grew up in abusive households. Not just parents, but brothers/sisters, cousins, uncles/aunts, nieces/nephews, grandparents, et al. I’m never quite sure what to tell them. Frankly, my own opinion on one’s family obligations has become quite bleak after hearing and witnessing so many examples of abuse. I myself – perhaps wrongly – do not believe that blood relations should even matter anymore. Your family are the ones who love you, and just because somebody is your mom’s brother or your dad’s daughter or anything else, means basically nothing; and you should treat them as you should treat anybody else, with good will and charity to bring them to Christ; with no special emphasis on their blood relation giving you additional obligations.
Am I wrong? How are we to understand the Fourth Commandment? What does “honoring” your parents mean, and when does the imperative to do so get abrogated?
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you” is the Fourth Commandment (Ex 20:12; Deut 5:16). However, it is generally considered that the imperative to honor your parents are abrogated if they are physically or emotionally abusive and cause harm to you. But this is a nebulous standard to go by; what is ‘abuse’ isn’t always obvious. Say your parents are controlling your finances and preventing you from moving out of their home under the justification that “they’re doing what’s best for you”. But your judgment says otherwise, that they are simply financially manipulating you with sinful intentions. Obviously this comes down to the individual and particular case, but by what standard do you know when the Fourth Commandment does not apply?
I have many, many friends who grew up in abusive households. Not just parents, but brothers/sisters, cousins, uncles/aunts, nieces/nephews, grandparents, et al. I’m never quite sure what to tell them. Frankly, my own opinion on one’s family obligations has become quite bleak after hearing and witnessing so many examples of abuse. I myself – perhaps wrongly – do not believe that blood relations should even matter anymore. Your family are the ones who love you, and just because somebody is your mom’s brother or your dad’s daughter or anything else, means basically nothing; and you should treat them as you should treat anybody else, with good will and charity to bring them to Christ; with no special emphasis on their blood relation giving you additional obligations.
Am I wrong? How are we to understand the Fourth Commandment? What does “honoring” your parents mean, and when does the imperative to do so get abrogated?