What can I tell my friend? She thanks God only for superficial things

[CalledtoServe]

I have a friend who’s concerned about not being taken seriously. She loves God very much and can’t understand why this is happening. She says she thanks God for all the wonderful things in her life so she doesn’t understand why he’s not helping her. Then she goes on to list these wonderful things including only her good looks, her ability to buy the right clothes, her ability to turn heads, her ability to drive the right car, and that she has a hunky good-looking husband.

I’m afraid that she has a skewed view of what’s important in life. Any suggestions as to what to tell her?

 

[Didi]

None of these will last:

her good looks – will fade with time
her ability to buy the right clothes – may not always have the money for these; plus “right clothes” by whose standards?
her ability to turn heads – again, will fade with time
her ability to drive the right car – *“right” according to whom?*a hunky good-looking husband – will also fade with time

What is she building up on earth that will be with her for eternity?

 

[crusader4life]

To a certain extent there’s nothing wrong with her being thankful for that list but…like Didi said none of these are really eternal. But on the other hand there is nothing wrong for being thankful for all the small things.

If that list is as deep in faith and thankfulness as it gets for her, then that’s perhaps part of the reason why she is not taken seriously. She seems to be more into the appearance of things then the ‘inner worthiness’.

When she taps into the true meaning of God the Faith or starts taking it (or her relationships) more seriously it’ll just open her eyes to the truth of her situation and how to solve her conflict.

I’m not saying she’s oblivious to what’s going on or to the true meaning of life, but from what you said it just seems she just needs to step it up. But it’s very good that she loves God, and she seems to have an open mind and is willing to be a better person.

 

[CalledtoServe]

crusader4life:

To a certain extent there’s nothing wrong with her being thankful for that list but…like Didi said none of these are really eternal. But on the other hand there is nothing wrong for being thankful for all the small things.

If that list is as deep in faith and thankfulness as it gets for her, then that’s perhaps part of the reason why she is not taken seriously. She seems to be more into the appearance of things then the ‘inner worthiness’.

When she taps into the true meaning of God the Faith or starts taking it (or her relationships) more seriously it’ll just open her eyes to the truth of her situation and how to solve her conflict.

I’m not saying she’s oblivious to what’s going on or to the true meaning of life, but from what you said it just seems she just needs to step it up. But it’s very good that she loves God, and she seems to have an open mind and is willing to be a better person.

She most definately wants to be a better person. She prays daily, goes to mass as often as she can, receives the sacraments, etc. She just places importance in superficialities. Yes, to be grateful for all is important, but she never says I’m grateful for my health or that my husband’s a good spiritual leader (he’s not she always wanted a good looking husband no matter his character). She doesn’t say she’s grateful that God provides no matter what. Instead she thanks God only for looks, money, etc. At least that’s what she passes on to me.

 

[crusader4life]

Have you asked her if she’s grateful for those non-superficial things? Or asked if she would be willing to give appearances up for the love of God? She’ll most likely know the right answer, but will just have a hard time to follow through. Just let her know she now has a mission to conquer. This is also her cross she must carry. (we all have one!) And in following Christ she will fall under its weight and (so to speak) be crucified to it, but through all her pain and suffering she will put her habit to death and rise a holier person, if not a saint!

We all won’t conquer all of our problems within our lifetimes, and by all means killing bad humanistic habits a very slow process. But our continued effort for Him will save us in the end.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

CalledtoServe:

She most definately wants to be a better person. She prays daily, goes to mass as often as she can, receives the sacraments, etc. She just places importance in superficialities. Yes, to be grateful for all is important, but she never says I’m grateful for my health or that my husband’s a good spiritual leader (he’s not she always wanted a good looking husband no matter his character). She doesn’t say she’s grateful that God provides no matter what. Instead she thanks God only for looks, money, etc. At least that’s what she passes on to me.

Others have had some good words about things that last and so on.

The problem is she has no spiritual depth. She is happy for the moment but it will take only small waves to swamp her boat or get her yelling for Christ (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing ) to come calm the storm. Either way she hasn’t been tested, it doesn’t sound like, and needs to be purified.

Testing will destroy her tendency to define “happy” as having the following false self emotional energy centers satisfied:

1. power/control
2. affection/esteem
3. security/comfort

Note that every one of her concerns were with appearances, which means she may be overly sensitive to affection/esteem issues like how people perceive her. It is also possible her other centers are involved, as the things she is thankful in are useful tools which can be traded for power in the world. Certainly money is a theme – right car, etc.

Faith, hope, and love will cure the insatiable need the false self has for these things and recenter it. You might consider going with her to find yourselves a spiritual director; she would probably like that because having a SD looks good in addition to giving her real help she doesn’t even know she needs yet.

It is good that she is starting from happiness, even if superficial. It’s a lot more depressing to be a sad superficial person, because there is seemingly no convincing them there is a Higher Truth which will be made known in time.

That is, if she obtains her growth in time to head off any future storms, such as when these age-related blessings start to change. If she is sufficiently focused on temporal things, she may have to experience some sort of loss to understand the dependence on them, like when Jesus told the rich kid to sell his stuff and give it away. It’s about clinging to the temporal things. Nothing wrong with enjoying them, as others have said, but do not look at them as fundamental to peace.

Alan

 

[Steven_Merten]

Hello CalledtoServe,

Sometimes while channel surfing I stop at the TV evangelist stations. A preacher was explaining how God wanted him to have a private jet. He was going to just get the standard interior on his private jet but then after “prayer” he determined that God wanted him to get the fancy leather upgraded interior on his private jet. He went on to display his beutiful wife who was decades younger than himself.

Excuse me but does not God recognize beauty in rejection of material possessions and status and see alms to the poor as beauty.

In the Protestant fundimentalist section I have heard others demand that “God wants me to have this” brand new expensive sports car or big house or private jet. It seems to be a form of denial to get past what their God given conscience is telling them is wrong.

 

[KCT]

If you think she’ll listen to you, you could discuss the more important things she ought to be thankful for. More than likely, you’ll need to pray and sacrifice for her.

Often, those close to us, don’t want to hear what we have to say. Pray, sacrifice and ask God to put someone in her life she’ll listen to. In the mean time, be a good example of a joyful, faithful Catholic.
–KCT