What can we do for our spouse´s soul?

[alice24]

So, my dear husband and me married before I became a christian. He attends mass with me, fasts with me, prays with me, which is great and I am thankful for this. Shortly after I converted, he told me he plans to follow me on this way, too (he is baptized, but don´t believes in the protestant teachings he was brought up in and held some kind of pagan/universalistic world views) but then stepped back with huge grief and concern because he basically thinks he can not yet accept christianity as sole concept. While I see he suffers from this fear of believing fully mostly himself, I am of course also sad because I was so happy when he tought of conversion. After much discussion, he decided to not abandon this way completely and live the christian faith first before making quick decisions.
How do you deal with fear for a spouse´s soul? I struggle often with my own feelings here. I hear my priest saying “don´t force anything”, and I realize I was disappointed out of my own egoistic ideas, and I wonder how to deal with it.

 

[Trishie]

Alice, it is distressing, I know.
My husband took some time before he found faith, before his conversion.
He actually lost faith again after a major breakdown, but he’s a good man. No way in the world would he be pushed or persuaded, I can only pray for him. The tragic thing was that when his counselor asked him, “xxxx what broke your heart?” my husband replied, "God did. I tried my very best and there was no response.’ the words of a, honest, logical and practical man who lives by his word, and cannot understand that from his viewpoint, God did not…He really did try his very best according to his understanding. His devotion caused me private tears at times, I was so moved.
Now, my winning argument would have to be a practical, not a spiritual one, and there isn’t one he can accept. He wouldn’t see the spiritual explanations as anything other than spin. It’s how he thinks.

I put my thoughts in words. I don’t know if they cover anything you

Prayer for unbelieving Spouse​

Heavently Father, through the love ofJesus , I offer You all my spouse’s good deeds, sacrifices and trials, in prayer for his salvation, fulfilment, happiness and peace. Foster him as Your own child, for if he truly knew You, he would be a loving, obedient son.

I offer every frustration and disappointment, all sadness and suffering of his life, together with his pleasures, satisfactions, and achievements. I offer him to You, united in that terrible hour that Jesus cried out to You, “My God, my God, why have You abandoned me?” Thus may his sufferings be powerful prayer for souls. In Your mercy, please unite him with the Mystical Body so that even without his knowledge his life is a living prayer pleasing in Your sight.

If in any way, I fail to convey Your love to him, or I do not enrich his life with warm gifts of my nature, please forgive me and heal him. Guide me to give him the love, joy and goodness that you have united us to share, and lead him to love me freely and honestly.

Please forgive and overcome his cynicism and doubt. Open him to Your Spirit. Let him experience Your love in his life, so that he enters into sacramental faith and dedicated Christian ministry. Grant him resurrection with Your Son Jesus."

He’s kind to me. He helps others even though he’s not one for seeking others’ company. He’s honest.
I know God sees that my husband lives acts of practical kindness, that cost him, and that Jesus will judge Him according to Matthew 25 verses 31-46.

If we push our men, we exasperate them, and drive them further from the faith. While praying for them we also need to be truly loving and kind ourselves, gentle faithful witness of Christ. WE can’t achieve others conversions. Only God truly can.
Please God, your husband will soon welcome the graces of faith and faithfulness to the fullness of God’s love and truth.

 

[Trishie]

However there is a scripture that will console you and perhaps even fill your heart with joy!!!

1 Corinthians 7:14

"For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy."

 

[alice24]

However there is a scripture that will console you and perhaps even fill your heart with joy!!!

1 Corinthians 7:14

"For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy."

Thank you very much Trishie, for all your words. The prayer is beautiful, I pray a very short version close to this often, but this is really speaking out f my heart. I think I will translate it into german as I usually pray in german.
I often feel guilty as I am not the most patient person and as he stepped back, I reacted not in the kindest way. I was disturbed to see him so in pain, denying himself what he enjoys out of honesty - he didn´t want to lie to me or to the church.
Sadly, many comments on 1 Cor 7, 14 took away the joy I once had when reading this verse - I read so often that this was only regarding the questions if marriages between christians and non christias are valid, therefore the “otherwise your children would be unclean”. So, I was taught that this only affects our present life.
I would be more than glad to be taught this is not the full meaning, as I took great confident out of this in the past.

 

[otrrl]

A person’s spirituality needs to be nourished. It is truly right for you to be concerned about your spouse’s soul.

I can’t point you to an exhaustive checklist of spirituality, but i wish I could. As a second best, I can only reference some of the aspects of my own. I’m not sure where exactly you and he are. But, I think a scripture study might be good for development. Slow, careful reading. I’m going to recommend reading with a commentary (because the Church does).

Prayer: there’s spontaneous prayer for some intention. Maybe you need to start off with prayers for yourselves, and then move on to include ( on a regular basis) prayers for others that you know who need prayers for whatever they are facing.

Music: sometimes, maybe often, praying seems flat, just reciting words. But, sometimes prayers are set to music and it can be uplifting and very effective. The music tends to stay with a person, along with the sentiments of the sung prayer. There a lot of sacred music to explore.

Art work. This might be difficult. I don’t know what to suggest except that in general, something visual might help to promote spirituality.

Morality: Related to scripture reading and study are books on morality. I’m not so familiar with Christian books, especially modern ones, on this subject. Truthfully, I get a lot out of Jewish books on morality. They might get sticky in a place or two, because they do have a different perspective. But, in general the ones I run across have been very inspiring, especially relating to reverence for God and for our fellow man.

Spiritualiity aims us towards God so we have to consciously turn away from things that do not lead us to God. You and he need to try cutting out or cutting down on things that do not lead you closer to God and each other.

 

[TheLittleLady]

While my husband was baptized after we were married, we were both non-denominationalists at that time. I was very much in a seeker state, tried out just about everything in that time!

I converted to the Catholic Church, our son was baptized and DH remained basically a scientific agnostic.

For 9 years, he sometimes went to Mass with us for big events, but he would often sit in the car while we went in. For the first couple of years, I prodded, hinted, asked him to go to Instruction. He balked.
I finally just handed it over to God and prayed. At every Mass, after every Communion, I prayed for my husband.

Then, after some very difficult things, he entered Instruction. I kept praying all through that year. I still remember the very last Mass before the Easter Vigil when my husband would make his profession of faith and come into the Church, after I received communion and came back to the pew, I began to weep. I thought, at the next Mass I will have everything I have ever prayed for.

So, the best thing you can do is leave many books lying about pray and let him see your joy.

ETA. I recently discovered this book. It has blown me away, and I’d suggest it to everyone (might be good one to leave on the coffee table, or to read and bring up some points with him)

This book is NOT inexpensive, but it is so worth it:

https://www.amazon.com/You-Always-F...533602&sr=1-2&keywords=Fr.+Benedict+Groeschel