What counts as contrition?

[byhismercy]

Baltimore Catechism No. 3
Q. 753. What is contrition, or sorrow for sin?
A. Contrition, or sorrow for sin, is a hatred of sin and a true grief of the soul for having offended God, with a firm purpose of sinning no more.

What does this grief mean? Is it counted as grief, if you wish you had not committed the sin, but you do not feel unhappy (e.g. knowing that your sins will soon be forgiven, you are at peace instead of feeling sad)?

 

[EugeneCharles]

Is it counted as grief if you wish you had not committed the sin, but you do not feel unhappy

Please correct me if I wrong you.

I’m not an expert but maybe nope, because when we’re grieving about our sins, we repent on them and we’re trying to do our efforts to avoid them. If we’re going to do nothing about it, it’s not actually sincere contrition. We examine our conscience when we’re doing confession and this enables us to remember our wrongdoings and ask God to forgive them. But if we don’t feel sorry about our sins, it’s not grieving/repentance at all.

You may ask your local parish priest or confessor for this matter to get a more clear answer.

 

[bruisedreed]

@byhismercy Hi friend, there are different degrees of contrition. It is not possible to force oneself to be more contrite than one is. God meets us where we are in the sacrament of Penance. In response to your question, yes this is grief, even if perhaps it cannot be said to be perfect. Here is a passage from Pope Francis’ book The Name of God is Mercy. I hope you will find it helpful.

How do we recognize that we ourselves are sinners? What would you say to someone who doesn’t feel like one? I would advise him to ask for the grace of feeling like one! Yes, because even recognizing oneself as a sinner is a grace. It is a grace that is granted to you. Without that grace, the most one can say is: I am limited, I have my limits, these are my mistakes. But recognizing oneself as a sinner is something else. It means standing in front of God, who is our everything, and presenting him with our selves, which are our nothing. Our miseries, our sins. What we need to ask for is truly an act of grace. DonLuigi Giussani used to quote this example from Bruce Marshall’s novel To Every Man a Penny. The protagonist of the novel, the abbot Father Gaston, needs to hear the confession of a young German soldier whom the French partisans are about to sentence to death. The soldier confesses his love of women and the numerous amorous adventures he has had. The young priest explains that he has to repent to obtain forgiveness and absolution. The soldier answers, “How can I repent? It was something that I enjoyed, and if I had the chance I would do it again, even now. How can I repent?” Father Gaston, who wants to absolve the man who has been marked by destiny and who’s about to die, has a stroke of inspiration and asks, “But are you sorry that you are not sorry?” The young man answers impulsively, “Yes, I am sorry that I am not sorry.” In other words, he apologizes for not repenting. The door was opened just a crack, allowing absolution to come in…. It’s true, that’s how it is. It’s a good example of the lengths to which God goes to enter the heart of man, to find that small opening that will permit him to grant grace. He does not want anyone to be lost. His mercy is infinitely greater than our sins, his medicine is infinitely stronger than our illnesses that he has to heal… Thinking of the episode cited in Marshall’s novel, I start from a similar premise and point in the same direction. Not only is the legal maxim of in dubio pro reo—which says that when in doubt, decisions should be made in favor of the person being judged—still pertinent, there is also the importance of the gesture. The very fact that someone goes to the confessional indicates an initiation of repentance, even if it is not conscious. Without that initial impulse, the person would not be there. His being there is testimony to the desire for change. Words are important, but the gesture is explicit. And the gesture itself is important; sometimes the awkward and humble presence of a penitent who has difficulty expressing himself is worth more than another person’s wordy account of their repentance.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

It’s not about feelings, it’s that you recognize and admit you did wrong, and have decided you won’t do it again.

 

[byhismercy]

when we’re grieving about our sins, we repent on them and we’re trying to do our efforts to avoid them

My understanding of contrition includes the resolution of not committing the sin again. I only said “wish not have committed the sin” but not the resolution part, because according to the baltimore catechism definition, contrition is grief of the soul with purpose to sin no more. Therefore when I talked about the grief part, I only mentioned the will of wishing to have not done so.

 

[EugeneCharles]

but not the resolution part, because according to the baltimore catechism definition, contrition is grief of the soul with purpose to sin no more.

Pardon me if I didn’t get it properly and thank you for clearing it

Is it counted as grief, if you wish you had not committed the sin, but you do not feel unhappy (e.g. knowing that your sins will soon be forgiven, you are at peace instead of feeling sad)?

This is the most reliable answer:

It’s not about feelings, it’s that you recognize and admit you did wrong, and have decided you won’t do it again.

 

[bruisedreed]

and have decided you won’t do it again.

It would be interesting to hear what a priest on these forums would say about this.

Someone in habitual sin, except with an extraordinary grace, simply cannot “decide” not to commit a certain sin again. It would be forced, a lie. Our contrition must be realistic. In the confessional I have sometimes said I will try not to do it again, but that doesn’t seem quite the same as saying I have decided not to do it again.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Someone in habitual sin, except with an extraordinary grace, simply cannot “decide” not to commit a certain sin again. It would be forced, a lie.

Not all sins are habitual. There are plenty of sins I did once or even repeatedly over time, and then decided not to do again and, with the help of God’s Grace, I didn’t do again. Likewise, I have been tempted to sin (for example, miss Sunday Mass, look at porn, retaliate against someone who made me mad) and I made the conscious decision, no, that’s wrong so I won’t do that, again making that decision with the help of God’s Grace. It’s important to note that God’s help is always needed; we do all things in and through God, we don’t just do them by an act of will on our own, and maybe that’s what you meant, but it’s going too far to suggest as you did that we can’t just decide not to sin. I would say we probably ALL make decisions not to sin every day when we avoid a temptation or choose to follow God’s rules.

In the case of true habitual sins, such as an addiction, then we must simply do our best, which may include getting some kind of outside help to deal with the addiction, as well as asking God for his help and Grace. The goal is to make the sin no longer “habitual” and get oneself in a position where one is strong enough to break that habit. Once it’s no longer a habit, we can, with God’s Grace and help, decide not to do it again.

In the Act of Contrition, we “firmly resolve to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin.” We don’t say well, sin is a habit so we can’t just make that resolution. I would caution you against just categorizing all sins as habits.

 

[bruisedreed]

but it’s going too far to suggest as you did that we can’t just decide not to sin. I would say we probably ALL make decisions not to sin every day when we avoid a temptation or choose to follow God’s rules.

Thank you for the correction @Tis_Bearself. I did not say that all sins are habitual, or that “we can’t just decide not to sin”, but I take responsibility for it coming across this way. I honestly apologize.

What I meant was that as a rule it did not seem helpful to me use the word “decide” in the confessional, precisely in the case of habitual sin.

As for the wording in the Act of Contrition, the ambiguity of the expression “firmly resolve to sin no more” is why many people who are recovering from scrupulosity do not use this particular wording. As you know, this particular act is not compulsory in the sacrament. I pray the Jesus Prayer in the sacrament as my act of contrition.

In regard to the quoted passage above, the examples you give are actually illustrative of what I mean. I choose not to sin in the moment the choice is presented to me. But I do not make any anterior “decision” before the fact in the confessional. That sounds too much like a promise and I don’t think we have any business promising we will avoid offenses.

Let your ‘Yes’ mean ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No’ mean ‘No.’ Anything more is from the evil one.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

If you have scruples and have worked something out with your priest, that’s fine.

However, be careful of presenting that as general advice. Many of us aren’t scrupulous. Even those who are scrupulous might not all be counseled in the same way because their individual priests will counsel them individually depending on what the problem is.

You are right that there is no required wording for expressing contrition for purposes of absolution. However, I, and a lot of other Catholics, are fine with the “firmly resolve to sin no more” language. I myself find it spiritually helpful. I see no conflict myself personally between that sort of commitment and “let your yes mean yes and your no mean no”. As I already said, if you have a special situation or even a different preference, it’s personal to you. You don’t get to tell me and others who use this prayer or similar prayer that we “don’t have any business” saying it. It’s not up to you how another person talks to God, and the prayer is Church approved.

 

[bruisedreed]

@Tis_Bearself I said that we have no business promising, not that we have no business saying the pious Act of Contrition which is established in the Church! Why are you always taking my words out of context?

I was offering a different point of view so that the OP can have a full picture and take what is suitable to his or her needs. I was trying to do for someone what I wish someone would have done for me at the beginning. Pray as you like!

I’ll bow out.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

Although here’s the thing.

Not everybody is capable of emotionalistic responses, or crying with grief over their sins, or working up any particular “feeling”.

There are people with such deep wounds they are effectively “numbed out” and have trouble feeling pain or pleasure.
Sometimes it’s a medical condition.

So to insist that a person has to feel a certain way to reform their life is unfair .

Isn’t it enough to realize you went too far when you made that hasty remark and decide/resolve not to do that again?

 

[bruisedreed]

Brother/Sister in Christ,

I truly defer to your judgment and the judgment of @Tis_Bearself. I did not mean to cause controversy over this matter, only to help. @byhismercy has OCD, intense scruples and feelings of guilt, as shown in previous posts. I am diagnosed with the same and have received instruction from devout Catholic priests, theologians, and psychiatrists on this point I wanted to share it with a fellow sufferer. That said, @byhismercy it is always safer to follow the traditional path and I urge to listen to the words of @0Scarlett_nidiyilii and @Tis_Bearself. You’re in my prayers.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I’m not taking your words out of context. You made a post that was, at best, confusing and seemed to state that it is wrong for us to resolve to “sin no more”. Your first response to me further indicated you have a personal issue with the Act of Contrition.

I see this as a case of your own posts being somewhat misleading and from your own personal viewpoint. Accusing others of taking you out of context or whatever is not necessary or appropriate. With that, I’m out, I have another appointment.

 

[Jen7]

Not everybody is capable of emotionalistic responses, or crying with grief over their sins, or working up any particular “feeling”.

There are people with such deep wounds they are effectively “numbed out” and have trouble feeling pain or pleasure.
Sometimes it’s a medical condition.

So to insist that a person has to feel a certain way to reform their life is unfair .

Isn’t it enough to realize you went too far when you made that hasty remark and decide/resolve not to do that again?

Thank you! Some of us aren’t the feely-Feely type in this regard.

There are two types of contrition: perfect and imperfect. Perfect contrition entails sorrow for our sins because they have offended God whol we love above all things & we are sorry to hurt.

Imperfect contrition entails sorrow for our sins because we’re afraid of hell.

We must at least have imperfect contrition. Perfect contrition is objectively better but you can’t force it. Sometimes we just don’t want to be damned.

 

[Dan_Defender]

Perfect contrition entails sorrow for our sins because they have offended God whol we love above all things & we are sorry to hurt.

This. And when you reach that state, the grief over your sins lingers. Sometimes I find myself with recurring memories and grieving all over again, it is the Lord’s way of purifying my soul.