What do I do!?!

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Wollie

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Hey everyone

This past year I have been togather with a girl. She is not Catholic. At first she was very supportive of my Catholic Faith, coming to church with me, asking me to pray with her, ect. About two months into the relationship she became pregnant (I know we should have never been intimate). When I found out about the baby I told I would marry her because I loved her and our baby. One month after she became pregnant she lost the baby. After talking to some people I trust and after alot of prayer I decided I was not ready for marrage. Ever since I made that decission she has been heart broken, telling me that I am untrustworthy and that our relationship is only a shadow of what it had been. Both of these I realized were true, and apologized, telling her that I would work to make things better. After this I started to become lazy with my faith, missing mass, continuing to be impure, ect. Recently I have come to the realization that my faith needs to take a higher priority in my life (namely the highest!) She is not supportive at all of my “renewal of faith” because she thinks that I am a fake due to my very sinful life that I have been living. Does anyone have any suggestions on the right course of action?
 
go to confession, tell your entire story to the priest, and follow his advice. this forum is not a confessional and that is your first stop.
 
Let me commend you on making a decision to work on your faith life. It is a big decision that will require a lot of work and determination from you.

Annie is right. The first thing you need to do is find a good priest and avail yourself of the sacrament of reconciliation.

After that, your new and deeper life will prove to the people around you that you have turned over a new leaf. Just don’t expect everyone to believe that your newfound faith is going to last. You will need time to internalize Church teachings, and they will need time to see the lasting difference in your life.

Don’t give up hope, but continue to fight the good fight.
 
Visit your priest, go to confession, and then seek to ammend your life. Put your faith as your priority and work on your relationship with God. Stop the sexual relationship, go to Church, and invite her to do the same.

If this girl follows your lead, great. If not, then she is not the right one for you.
 
After following the advice to find a “good” priest (hopefully one who takes your sin as seriously as you do) remember this one thing:

actions speak louder than words

You can’t tell people that you have changed and just expect them to believe you…you just have to do it. They won’t be able to argue with fact.
As for your girlfriend, without going into personal detail just let me say that I can relate to her. Right now she probably sees you as one big hypocrite. Maybe you are, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you take your faith seriously again. That doesn’t mean you won’t stumble. But there is a big difference between falling and feeling bad and just sinking into a life of sin again.
I pray that you find God’s strength and love to help you through this time of your life. He will be there for you if you only ask.
Malia
 
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Wollie:
Hey everyone

This past year I have been togather with a girl. She is not Catholic. At first she was very supportive of my Catholic Faith, coming to church with me, asking me to pray with her, ect. About two months into the relationship she became pregnant (I know we should have never been intimate). When I found out about the baby I told I would marry her because I loved her and our baby. One month after she became pregnant she lost the baby. After talking to some people I trust and after alot of prayer I decided I was not ready for marrage. Ever since I made that decission she has been heart broken, telling me that I am untrustworthy and that our relationship is only a shadow of what it had been. Both of these I realized were true, and apologized, telling her that I would work to make things better. After this I started to become lazy with my faith, missing mass, continuing to be impure, ect. Recently I have come to the realization that my faith needs to take a higher priority in my life (namely the highest!) She is not supportive at all of my “renewal of faith” because she thinks that I am a fake due to my very sinful life that I have been living. Does anyone have any suggestions on the right course of action?
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I think your girlfriend rightly feels betrayed by you. You have been with her as though you are her husband, you have been having sex, you have even gotten her pregnant. You have essentially done all the things that only a husband should do.

It is her right to expect a full commitment from you, and you are using her by withholding it.

Emotionally, physically, and in all the other things you do you are her husband, but you are unwilling to commit. It is obvious why she feels resentment.
 
Go to Confession and ask the priest for advice, Then make the commitment to go to Mass regularly, go to Eucharistic adoration. Put the Lord first, make the best possible relationship with Him and then everything else will fall into place. Ask God to lead you before you make any decisions about marriage.

Marriage is a Sacrament and Vocation. Sex, as a gift from God for marriage, brings us to a more intimate relationship with our spouse. The two become one. One of the biggest problems with premarital sex is that, If we share sex with someone we are not married to we cause spiritual damage to ourselves, it can cause us to have deeper feelings and emotions toward a person God may not have intended for us. I have seen this happen many times, sure sometimes the marriage works out, but other times the couple was too clouded by the close union and spirutual connection with sex to see that this was not the “right” person for them… possibly missing out on a better partner God had planned, or perhaps they become pregnant and feel that they must marry to create a family for the baby.

It isnt’ that sex is wrong or dirty or sinful, quite the opposite, it is a gift from God, a spiritual union between a man and woman with Christ as the center. Marriage is a sacrament that God entrusts to the creation of new souls, changing the universe forever with each human life. Try not to beat yourself up about having premarital sex. You are growing up in a culture that cheapens sex by making it seem like a mere self expression or activity only for sexual gratification. It isn’t appreciated for what it was designed to be. We are living in a culture of death, where we get alot of mixed messages. The important thing is you have learned that it is wrong and have seen firsthand the damage it can cause. If you feel guilty, that can be a healthy catylist for change, a blessing from God. Healthy guilt is the reaction to realizing our relationship with God is damaged and needs to be repaired. Allow that guilt to drive you to Confession and when you receive absolution, let it go, and allow God’s grace to transform your life. It is a powerful feeling!

Go to Confession, remain abstinate until marriage and pray for an answer to the vocation God has planned for you. If God has marriage in store for you, He will provide a wife. She may be your girlfriend, or She may come along when you least expect it. Abstinance will be difficult, but is necessary to be able to see the relationship clearly. This may be the right woman for you, on the other hand if she isn’t, it is better to find out now than years of heartache down the road.

This may seem like a real burden at times, but you are being called by God and you are listening. You are already blessed and God is holding you in the palm of His hand. Whatever happens, if you put God’s Will first, you will have peace. Don’t allow your girlfriend to make you feel guilty and unintentionally draw you away from God. Allow yourself to be transformed into God’s version of a trustworthy and spiritually strong future husband, rather than your girlfriend’s idea of a good boyfriend. If this puts you on different paths, sadly, that may be part of growing into spiritual maturity for you.

God Bless you and keep you.

We have all been in our own difficult or sinful “situations” if not with premarital sex and breaking up with boyfriends or girlfriends, than some other sin. you are not alone!🙂
 
Thanks everyone

Your incites have been very helpful.
I most definalty will be seeking out confession
as soon as possible, and before I make any decisions.
Thanks for being loving in your responses it fills me with hope 👍

Peace
Collin
 
christianitytoday.com/mp/2004/003/1.32.html

Here’s an article worth the read…to perhaps help you discern if you really love this girl…

I also would suggest strongly to read Fr.Corapi’s views of what Marriage is…fathercorapi.com/articledet.aspx?articleID=1896068715

and also Fr. Corapi’s idea of Christian love too
"If we love each other as God has first loved us, we desire what God desires for us: eternal salvation. All else pales into utter insignificance when compared to this fundamental object of human existence. “If you gain the whole world, and destroy yourself in the process, what have you gained?” (See Mt 16:26, Mk 8:36, Lk 9:25). If a husband loves a wife, if a wife loves her husband, if they love their children, if a priest loves his people, etc., then they not only desire the highest and best good for the sake of those they love, but they will do anything and everything possible to bring this about. We must put on the mind of Christ, the mind of a savior. Love in the end always entails self-sacrifice.
In this age of self-assertiveness, in this day of “looking out for number one,” and in an ego-centric age this is a mighty challenge to be met head on by Christians. Do we love enough to embrace the cross in our life? Will we suffer any and all things in order to guard and guide those we love to paradise? Will husbands put their wives and children first? Will wives do the same? Will priests pray and do penance for their people–suffer for them? Will we embrace the cross for each other? Will we order our entire lives in the best interest of the salvation of souls, especially the souls of our own loved ones? "
 
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