What do I say to this doctor that left the faith?

[Alex1]

My doctor is a genuinely caring, loving woman that left the Catholic Faith in her teens. While a teenager, she lost both her parents and expected her parish to provide support and comfort in her mourning. Instead, the parish priest and laity left her alone and isolated.

40 years later she still bears the emotional wounds. She’s not angry at God, but she’s angry/hurt at the people who abandoned her. She says she believes in God, but not organized religion. In spite of her emotional wounds, her gentleness when speaking of Catholicism makes me think it’s possible to bring her back.

What should I say? I would appreciate hearing from people that experienced something similar.

 

[1ke]

We can’t really know why the people did (or didn’t) do what they did. We only have her perceptions from 40 years ago. Perhaps the people did let her down and not reach out to visit or comfort her. But perhaps it was something else entirely, for example perhaps her guardian did not allow the priest to come visit.

We don’t know.

What we can say is that she should not let people from 40 years ago keep her away from the sacraments today.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

Usually I agree with 1KE, but not quite so much this time.

She’s right that we shouldn’t let hurts from many years ago color our lives today. But sometimes the hurt is too big to get over. And that’s when you end up with one family member not talking with another for decades or someone leaving the Church because she didn’t find the support she needed as a teen.

I don’t think there are any magic words that will heal this.

“I’m sorry” is a start. “That never should have happened” is another. Recognition that she really should have received comfort and support when she needed it without making excuses. And then, perhaps, “can you forgive us for letting you down?” And see what happens.

 

[Alex1]

I’m glad 1ke replied to my question, but while it’s technically correct, it doesn’t help me deal with the very real emotional problem she faces.

“I’m sorry” is a start. “That never should have happened” is another. Recognition that she really should have received comfort and support when she needed it without making excuses. And then, perhaps, “can you forgive us for letting you down?” And see what happens.

This is helpful. The best I could come up with was the Tim Staples line about not leaving Jesus because of Judas, ie, we don’t leave Jesus just because His followers have done wrong. I’m not sure if she understood what I meant though.

 

[Elena321]

Usually I agree with 1KE, but not quite so much this time.

She’s right that we shouldn’t let hurts from many years ago color our lives today. But sometimes the hurt is too big to get over. And that’s when you end up with one family member not talking with another for decades or someone leaving the Church because she didn’t find the support she needed as a teen.

I don’t think there are any magic words that will heal this.

“I’m sorry” is a start. “That never should have happened” is another. Recognition that she really should have received comfort and support when she needed it without making excuses. And then, perhaps, “can you forgive us for letting you down?” And see what happens.

I second this advice.

 

[MaryT777]

Usually I agree with 1KE, but not quite so much this time.

She’s right that we shouldn’t let hurts from many years ago color our lives today. But sometimes the hurt is too big to get over. And that’s when you end up with one family member not talking with another for decades or someone leaving the Church because she didn’t find the support she needed as a teen.

I don’t think there are any magic words that will heal this.

“I’m sorry” is a start. “That never should have happened” is another. Recognition that she really should have received comfort and support when she needed it without making excuses. And then, perhaps, “can you forgive us for letting you down?” And see what happens.

I really like the thought of just asking " can you forgive us for letting you down?"
Mary.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Two words: Professional Boundaries.

This is crossing a boundary. You don’t say anything. You pray for her.