What do I say?

[LydiaW]

My brother confronted me yesterday about me being Catholic, and Catholic issues in general. For those of you who don’t know, I am currently trying to become Catholic, I’m 17, and I don’t have my Mom or siblings support in this. My brother, who is very sure that the way he has been taught (non - denominational christian) is the right way, confronted me with these words " You know Lydia, when you said you were going to become Catholic, you said you weren’t going to pray to Mary, and now you have prayed to her!" The only way he could have known that is if my Mom told him that she was there while I prayed a Hail Mary in my local parish. Anyway, I tried to tell him that I am not worshiping Mary, I am just honoring her, but he wouldn’t listen. What do I say to defend myself?

 

[Lorrie]

We pray to the Most Holy Virgin asking for her intercession. The easiest way I would explain it to him is if one was to say to a friend, “Say a prayer for me”, etc. I would also say to him, “Judge not lest ye be judged.”

 

[Sir_Knight]

What is the Hail Mary? The first part of the prayer are words taken from the bible in describing Mary. So, your brother shouldn’t have a problem with that. The second part of the prayer, we are asking Mary to PRAY for us both now and at the hour of our death.

Tell your brother the following …

1. The bible tells us that we are to pray for one another.
2. The bible tells us that those who have died are still alive in Christ because our God is the God of the living and not the dead. Therefore, there is nothing wrong in asking those that have died to pray for us.
3. The bible tells us that God answers the prayers of the rightous sooner than the prayers of the less rightous. Given the fact that we here on earth are sinners (the bible tells us that even the most pious of us here on earth still sins seven times a day against God) and the saints in heaven no longer sin against God, they are more rightous than we are and God will answer theirs prayers before He answers our prayers.

Therefore, it makes sense to have them pray for us.

 

[Petergee]

“My brother, who is very sure that the way he has been taught (non - denominational christian) is the right way”

. That’s an oxymoron. Tell him his church needs to make up its mind whether it is “nondenominational Christian” and refrain from condemning a Christian practice which has been practised by over 90% of Christians for 2000 years; or whether it is a new protestant denomination which has its own particular “teaching” about what is “the right way”.

And ask him if he thinks Jesus would be happy with him presuming to tell you not to talk to His Mother. Wouldn’t Jesus tell him to butt out?

 

[Forest-Pine]

1. You are 17 and still living at home. You are obligated to respect your parents. God comes above them, so knowing the Truth of the Catholic Church you have a duty to God to follow this conviction. However, you still must be respectful of your parents.
2. The rosary and the Hail Mary are among the most common prayers and devotions of Catholics. However, we are not ever required to say them. Given the nature of your situation, I would think it would currently be wise to avoid public displays of Marian devotion in front of your family out of respect.
3. As the advice I give does nothing to alleviate your current situation, I think it depends on you and your brother what you should do now.

Is he at all receptive to hearing why you are doing what you are doing or is he trying to trap you into saying or doing the wrong thing?

Do you feel strong enough in your faith to stand up to his criticism on this issue?

Will your explanations come across as defiance and create more family tension or will it help your family members to understand where you are coming from and help to alleviate the tension?

1. You will never convert them. Keep that in mind. The Holy Spirit does all the converting. All you can do is soften their hearts, plant seeds, and be an example.
2. With that in mind, where is it that you can soften their hearts to Catholicism? Where can you point out the similarities? If they are Protestant, using the Bible to explain Catholic theology is of the utmost importance. For instance, a large portion of the Mass is verbatim from the scriptures. A popular Apologetics book out now (I believe, but am not sure, it is by Hahn–perhaps Surprised by Truth) goes into how much of the Mass is straight out of scripture. The Hail Mary (as mentioned above) is almost entirely quoted scripture as well. Point it out. And know the references! Build bridges.
3. It is my personal opinion (from way over here on the other side of a computer) that in your situation flat-out apologetics is not the way to go. By this I mean, don’t give them Catholic books for Christmas or print off pages and pages of defenses. Don’t rub their noses in it. When they ask you (such as now) for an explanation, put it into their terms and explain it in a way that they can understand. For example, you can get the book mentioned above for yourself so that you are strong in the arguments for the faith, but don’t whip it out or quote from it. (Hint: quote the Bible.) When they accuse you of Mary worship, out of joy and love you can share with them that you are praying the scriptures, and show them where. You don’t need to go into everything else now, too.
4. Don’t be a brat. That sounds mean but I don’t know how else to say it. By this I mean that you should be happy, helpful, obedient. They should see you maturing, growing in your faith, and a wonderful example of what a Christian should be. Do not look down your nose on others. Don’t talk as if you are now in a superior place. Don’t “correct” your familiy’s theology. Be content in knowing that you are following the Lord, bringing your steps closer in line with his. Let your actions always reflect this. Don’t get into arguments. Discussions are one thing; arguments are another. You can be steadfast in your faith without making your faith a point of contention. Being Catholic does not mean saying a set of prayers–it is a way of life. Exude this mentality, this respect, this balance that is found in the Truth and you will be doing far more to bring them around than if you were whining and crying and allowing yourself to be pulled into arguments while proclaiming the truth with your lips alone.
5. Read the stories of the saints. It will uplift you to realize that your situation is no different than so many others who have gone before us. You will find strength and grace in their stories.
6. Read or listen to apologetics works. Always grow in your wisdom and faith.
7. Pray. Pray without ceasing. Pray to have your will align with the Lord’s. I love the Eastern concept of the Jesus prayer. “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” You can see more about it here.

 

[deb1]

I have sympathy for you. I was 16 when I fell in love with the church and wanted to convert. BUt as I got closer to an age when I could, my mother and friends put tremedous pressure on me not to. It was very painful and I became weak and lost my faith. THe problems is that I lost all my faith and spent years looking for GOd.

Most of the advice given to you has been on target. WHen anyone ask me questions about prayer to Saints or Mary I answer like this.

If someone you love was sick would you hesitate to ask a loving Christian-such as your mom to pray for them. When they respond no, say that is all that you are doing, asking Mary who is with GOd to pray for you. You might want to explain that Catholics believe that our relatives who have passed on can still hear us. That is a confusing point for some nonCatholics because they have been taught that those who die either can’t hear us or are asleep until GOd returns. It is an uncomforting theology for the bereaved that such nonCatholics have.

Don’t try and convert him. Don’t try and make him think that you are correct. Just give him enough information to make him understand.

YOu might also want to ask him what prayer means. IN the middle ages prayer meant simply to ask someone something. So, although Catholics don’t worship Mary they do in a sense pray to her.

Be sympathatic to him, what seems simple to Catholics is often very confusing and troubling to nonCatholics.

 

[4HisChurch]

Lydia,
I once read a book called “Mary, the Perfect Prayer Partner.” Ask your brother if he has ever asked a friend to pray for him, or to pray with him.

That is what we do when we ask Mary’s intercession.

God Bless.

 

[LydiaW]

Thank you for all the great replies. I will try talking to my brother when the time is right.