What do you do?

[Shinobu]

This is something I’ve wanted to post about for quite some time but always ended up stopping myself. Forgive me if this is long-winded. Also understand this is only my view so obviously you don’t get anyone elses side of the story (I don’t want to make anyone the bad guy in my story).

I have been really upset with my Sister lately. I still see her as the little kid she once was and I see her now and the choices she is making and it is like someone has shot my soul with a gun. I don’t know if I am just being overly-sensitive or what. Please share your comments/opinions/suggestions to me.

Me and my sister don’t talk anymore, she literally just ignores me like I don’t exist and if she does talk she just yells at me. She just turned 16 not long ago and has had a boyfriend for a few months (he is 17). I am upset because I don’t feel she has been disciplined much. You see my parents got a divorce years ago and so me and my Sister live with my Father. He kinda has an opinion of “well she needs to have some experiances in her life and as long as she is doing good in school that is all that matters”.

The big problem is this boyfriend, she has been so close to him and they’ve only been together a few months. They act as if they are married. She kisses him as if they were married. She and him used to just lie in her bed together and talk with the lights off and the radio on (I begged my Dad not to allow this bahaviour but he said he was watching them), this behaviour kept up until one day when my Dad was at work (I tell my Dad I do not want the boyfriend in the house when he is not home, but he does not listen to me…neither does my Grandmother), I go down frequently to check up on them and this time I heard a noise and went into the living room to find her on the couch witha blanket over her lower half and his head under the blanket. I about died and slapped him on the cheek (I know that was very wrong of me) and told him to go home.

My Dad basically just gave her a slap on the wrist. My Grandmother suggested she be put on birth control and called me one day in a drunken stupor (This was on New Years Eve, before me catching my Sister) and said that if my Sister got pregnant she would want her to have an abortion, I knew she was drunk but I got upset nontheless and I said that was ridiculous and such a thing wouldn’t happen and even if it did I would take care of the kid instead of having he/she murdered (Mind you my sister is a virgin as far as I know).

After that my Dad did get a bit on her case and she is not allowed in her room with him (what did I telly ou all along Dad, why dont’ you listen to me??). What worries me now is my Dad allows the boyfriend to stay some nights until about 12 pm at night and the boyfriend will be on the recliner asleep with my Sister (nothing sexual mind you but they are both asleep on the recliner, how is this acceptable behaviour for a 16 uear old?)

My Father tells me he cannot keep her tied up and needs to let her have experiances in life. I think he fails to see the great opportunity he has to get this young lady on a GOOD path in life. I talk to him and I talk to him, sometimes he does the things I say, other times he just doesn’t listen to me. I don’t know what to do when my own Father and Grandmother fail to listen to most of the things I beg and please to them about. He makes it seem as though I am being overly-critical about it.

I don’t know what to do, I pray and I pray and sometimes I do believe it is helping along with my continually harping on my Dad. What can I do and am I just being overly-critical? Is it wrong for me to think this way?

Thank you

 

[space_ghost]

…is there a counselor at school that you can confide in?

…is mom out of the question as far as talking to her about it?

is there no one you can turn to in the family for help?

you can talk to your priest, he may have ideas or at least resources or people that can help you…

…but you and your sister do need help…

…unfortunately all i can offer you are my prayers, and i know that doesn’t seem like much now…

i wish you peace… remember, you are not alone… the people in these forums are good people to talk to… keep talking…

God bless you…

SG

 

[Dr.Colossus]

I think you are perfectly right to be concerned. Unfortunately, it’s your father’s responsibility to set limits for his children and it doesn’t sound as if he is doing that very well. Perhaps you could ask him straight whether or not he thinks it would be okay if his daughter was having sex, because it sounds as if this boyfriend wouldn’t have too much of a problem going all the way. If he’s not, he has to start setting more limits because eventually they will find themselves alone (whether or not they were planning on it) and emotions will get the best of them.

Teenagers are emotionally immature. This isn’t an insult, simply a fact (it hasn’t been that many years since I was a teen). In addition, their hormones are at levels (for guys at least) 40 times the average adult. Once it goes too far, no amount of self-control will be able to help them. Discipline on the part of a parent is serious business. I think it’s up to you to help your dad realize just how serious it is.

 

[Shinobu]

Thank you for your replies. I couldn’t agree more that they are emotionally immature.

I don’t think I would like to take this to a school councelor, in this sexually free society I would be more scared they would hand her contraception. It is also something I can’t go to the mother about. She lives with her new Husband in another state, there is a long story there, one which I will not go into. I could try the Priest, but I don’t want ot burden him with such issues, considering I’m not even Catholic yet, I am hoping one day that maybe I can talk to him about it, though I would still feel much more at ease talking to a woman abotu such issues.

I have tried and tried talking to my Grandmother, but she is all about birth control. That’s her solution to everything, not religion, not abstinance, just birth control. I continue to talk to my Dad about it and sometimes I do feel that he takes the things i say into consideration, but more often then not he just seems to brush off what I say as being “too controlling”. As strong as I am on these issues he sometimes leaves me feeling that I am being to overdone. Then I feel a bit silly for getting all upset. It’s not going to deter me though, I’ll keep talking to him, maybe one of these days he will realize.

Also thank you for your offering of prayers. That would be most helpful.

 

[mass4life]

If you have been patient with those in error, and have attempted to instruct the ignorant, pray, and live a life as an example of virtue in every facet, you are doing all you can, and God knows this. It is hard, I know, to let someone you love go down a terrible path. You are doing all you can do. Keep it up, do not get discouraged. Remember the parable of the persistent widow.