What Does Contrition Really Mean?

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Antonius_Lupus

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Dear brothers and sisters,

I have found myself in somewhat of a spiritual “rut.” I hope to get some answers for what has been bothering me.

All my life as a practicing Catholic (which has been little over a year now), I have relied on the Sacrament of Reconciliation to give me the sense of certainty (or near certainty) that I have been forgiven of my sins.

Recently however I have begun to doubt not so much the power of the sacrament but rather my ability to make a good confession. I have been struggling with the fear and the feeling of uncertainty that I have failed to bring the necessary matter to the sacrament and thus made my confession invalid.

This is part and parcel, I believe, with my tendency toward scrupulosity…a tendency that has been borne out since I embraced my Catholic faith after being raised Baptist.

An example of these problems is something that happened to me yesterday. I woke up late in the day with the knowledge that I needed to go to confession as I knew that I had committed grave sin. I first went to my college to look for the books I needed for the semester. After I had accomplished this, I decided to stop and sit down in the activities center and write up my examination of conscience. I know that this examination was extremely thorough, and felt that I had done a good job with it. This was a response, I believe, to my scrupulousness that I had not been making good enough confessions.

After this I began to journey to the priest whom I usually make my daily confessions. As I did this, I made an act of contrition in which I told the Lord that I was sorry for what I had done. I mentioned my sorrow came from my thoughts that came to me from time to time that I would be eternally penalized if I didn’t confess these sins.

I went to confession and made one the best confessions, I think, that I have made in a long time. I mean this in the sense that I feel that I held nothing back and gave a good, deep confession. Afterwards, I received absolution and some good counsel.

Shortly after my confession, I noted that I didn’t feel forgiven…at least in the sense that I felt feelings of uncertainty. This manifested as a fear that I had not been truly sorry for what I had done. I was worried that I was so focused on making a good confession that somehow I hadn’t been sorrowful enough to worthily receive the sacrament, and thus, was not forgiven.

As I discussed this with the Lord, I felt very bad because of these feelings of uncertainty. I was also worrisome because I had received Holy Communion after my confession.

As I discussed this with Him, I realized that the main reason I went to confession was because I knew it was what I needed to do. I was in grave sin, and I needed the sacrament because that was not the life I wanted to be living. I knew that I needed to be reconciled with God else I would suffer some really bad consequences.

However I also noticed that I no real memory of whether I felt truly sorry as the Catechism says: “sorrow of the soul and detestation for the sin committed, together with the resolution not to sin again.”

I know that I was not intending to commit these sins again, although after all the failed resolutions of the past about this issue, I don’t know how strong that resolution was.

As for the detestation of the sin I committed, well all I can say is that I didn’t like the way committing the sin made me feel afterwards.

As for the sorrow of the soul, I honestly can’t remember any real sorrow. I do remember begging God to give me the sense to weep over what I had done, but then I remember that I committed the same sin shortly after making those prayers.

I am worried that in my last confession I have not been “sorry enough” to receive the sacrament. All I know is that I felt that confession was the right thing for me to do and so I did it because I knew I needed to.

I was hoping my brothers and sisters here could help me to learn from this experience and get some help in trying to figure out what occurred in this last confession and what I can expect from later confessions.

I know that I have lost much of the joy about Holy Communion as I am always afraid of taking it unworthily. I feel my scrupulosity has become a plague in my spiritual life.

I would have gone to my spiritual mentor with this, but my beloved deacon just got back from an anniversary trip with his wife…I don’t want to bother him, I have bothered him enough with my scrupulousness.
 
Be at peace. The dear Lord knows us so well and loves us so much that all He requires for a valid confession is for us to have some - any - supernatural aspect to our sorrow for sin. And that includes fear of hell.

Perfect contrition is a wonderful thing, and something to work toward as we grow in our relationship with God. But God wants us back so much that He does not require it for a valid confession.

Betsy
 
I remember how the priest whom I made my confession with said that my very coming was an example of God’s work and grace.

I know doubt about this and scrupulosity in general doesn’t just go away. But at the same time, I wish I had something to hold onto, something to cling to in the place of desert.

For example:

Does the act of going to confession in the first place evidence in itself of contrition?

How does one know when one’s contrition is genuine?

Is contrition simply a feeling or a choice?

I do not question my confession. I do not question the examination of my conscience. I do not question the power of the sacrament.

I am, ultimately, questioning whether I was contrite before my confession, and in a sense, what it means to be contrite…and how one can be aware that he has contrition that suffices for the sacrament.

Ora pro mei.
 
It seems to me that at least one issue you are having is that you are relying on your emotions to make you feel the way you think you should. But the word feeling in this context is very misleading.

Just like Christian Love is not primarily a matter of feeling, neither are these other kinds of actions - contrition, resolution, repentance. An emotion can help us to see that we have done something wrong, or incite us to do the right thing, but it is not the content of those things. They, like love, are an act of the will.
 
Ah, my soul still aches with uncertainty.

Remember me, brethren, when you seek God’s face. Remember my soul and pray for me.
 
Some thoughts I had last Lord’s Day as I sat in front on the Holy Tabernacle.
  1. “He Desires to Forgive.” If there is anything which does not need to be stated, if only for the reason that it would take too long, it is this. If we admit that God earnestly desires mercy, then it follows that the gravity of power that was poised to be bestowed in that sacrament was immense and in search of my salvation.
  2. “I Cannot Achieve Forgiveness Myself.” Forgiveness is, by nature, unable to be grasped by the person who has made the transgression. It is wholly the initiative of the one who has been trangressed or offended. This is particularly true with God in that we cannot do anything in general without His initiative.
  3. “If All is God’s Initiative, then my Response was From Him.” It then follows that my realization of my mortal sin, and the response of making an examination of conscience and confessing those sins, was the work of God within me.
  4. “In the Response to Our Sins, God only needs a little bit…” If we accept that God is yearning, indeed pining, to forgive us because of His love for us, and that our response is from Him in the first place, then it follows that God does not require a great deal from us to accomplish His miracle of forgiveness.
  5. “While my response may have been small, it is consistent with the Biblical examples above.” I will cite two stories to substantiate this: first, the healing of the demoniac’s son. The father approaches Jesus saying: “If you can…heal my son.” Jesus responds, “If you can? All things are possible for he who believes!” The man, so famously replies, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!” Here we clearly see in the man a desire for faith, but the recognition that there is doubt. Here faith is seen not as a feeling, but as a clear choice of the will. Imperfect faith though it may be, it is sufficient for Jesus who proceeds to heal the man’s demon-possesed son. The second example is found the wonderous parable of the prodigal son. The son’s desire for returning to his father was motivated by less than pure reasons, chief of which was hunger and the need to simply survive. One can certainly assume that the son realized that he has royally screwed up, and therefore needed to return to his father, confess his sins, and live a new life of loyal service to his father. What does the father do in Jesus’ parable? He see his son coming on the road, runs to his son and immediately anoints his neck with kisses. Even before the son has a chance to respond, the father is already embracing his lost son. The son then says: “Father, I am not worthy to be called your son, grant that I may be counted among your hired servants.” To this the father calls for his best robes, the family ring, and a preparation for a celebratory feast. The son’s desire was a paltry one, but the father’s response shows that even that desire was sufficient to elicit the father’s mercy and love.
  6. “I Desired to Be Contrite.” I remember before going to confession that I was desirous of contrition. I realized that contrition was necessary for the forgiveness of my sins, and therefore spent a relatively substantial amount of time trying to deepen a sense of contrition. My desire for contrition shows that I desired forgiveness. This shows that I realized my need to be forgiven. All this points to a reality that I was sorry, in some sense, for what I had done. I may not have felt the “tears of repentance” spoken of by the early Church, but I certainly was aware of my sinfulness and my need for mercy. This backs up the hope that I had, as the Catechism states: “sorrow of the soul, detestation for the sin committed, and the intention not to sin again.”
  7. “I Had no Intention of Committing the Sins which I confessed Again.” Both before and after my confession, I had no conscious desire to repeat what I had done. My attitude was one of desire: desire for forgiveness and for the state of life which is clean of the guilt of what I had done. This lack of any intention to commit these sins after my confession of them is a clear part of the works of the penitent, and may point to a deeper and perhaps hidden contrition over what I had done.
  8. “What Consists of a Bad Confession, and Did I Do This?” I also considered what makes a “bad confession.” My scenario includes a confession which knowingly hides mortal sins. It includes a person with the intention of committing their sins again. It includes a person who is proud of what he has done. It includes a person who has no desire for forgiveness or for sorrow over what he has done. It includes a person who is simply going to confession to please men rather than to meet with God in Christ in the priest. And finally it includes a person who is ignorant of what confession means and what is necessary to make a good confession. None of these scenarios was borne out in my own experience. In fact, in each of these I stand on the opposite or antithetical side, and thus as bad is the opposite of good…well y’all can fit those pieces together.
  9. “Does the Uncertainty About A Remedy Give Evidence to the Fact that Nothing is There to Fear?” Often we fear or are uncertain what is non-existent. This is borne out in our childhoods when we feared the “monster in the closet” or some such non-existent fantasy. We believed these might be true, but they never were and no amount of doubt or faith would change that fact. In my desire to resolve this issue, I realized there is no certain path to take. Because I feel unsure about my confession, I cannot rule out that it was either a good or bad confession, and reason seems to indicate that it was a good one. Therefore, I cannot simply re-confess my sins which I confessed in my last confession in a new confession because I would be doing so without a certain reason. At the same time, my life since the confession in question has been one lived as a Christian assuming a state of grace: frequent, almost daily, Communion etc. Despite uncertainties or fears about receiving Communion, I cannot say unequivocally that I am receiving unworthily because I cannot in turn say I did not receive forgiveness in my last confession. Thus, I cannot (it would seem) be held guilty of unworthy receptions of Communion since I am not receiving with the sure knowledge of grave sin. In like manner I cannot be held guilty (it would seem) for making a “bad” confession if I have no certain knowledge that this is what I had done. Therefore, if I cannot be held guilty of these things, and if sin requires full knowledge, and if God desires to save us at every opportunity, then it would seem to suggest that I have no real reason to fear.
 
Wow. God was very good to you to inspire all those thoughts.

Betsy
 
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