The opposite of love is apathy.
Hate, as in real hate, is more like a warped, corrupted love.
So, to get back to what he was talking about, we know that you’re supposed to honor your father and mother, right? So obviously, he isn’t saying hate your parents in the way we think of hating your parents. (The Latin is odit-- which has the sense of he/she/it is displeased by/detests/dislikes.)
So, let’s look at the context of what he’s talking about at the time–
25 Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. 27 And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
28 “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? 29 For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, 30 saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’
31 “Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Won’t he first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? 32 If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. 33 In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.
34 “Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? 35 It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out.
“Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”
In all of those cases, he’s talking about people who start something, but aren’t able to see it through. You start building a tower— but you can’t afford to finish it. You start seasoning your food-- but your salt has lost its oomph and isn’t able to do its job. You’re looking at entering into warfare-- but only a fool starts a war that he doesn’t have enough men to finish.
The same thing is true for following Jesus. You don’t start-- and then get detoured because of your parents, or your spouse, or your children’s, or society’s disapproval. Some people give up spouse and children so they can focus exclusively on God. Other people realize how their path is firmly anchored in their families, and their path to God is a communal journey.
But ultimately, you have to love God more than the things that will cause you to stop partway through your journey, and go wander somewhere else before you get to your destination. If you prioritize other things above God-- your parents’ approval, or society’s approval, or whatever-- you’re never going to be the disciple you were called to be.
