What does it mean to be "intelligent"?

[TEPO]

I was talking to one of my siblings this morning and she told me that her relationship with her husband was on rocky grounds. She told me that the reason they have trouble getting along is because they are both smart or ‘intelligent’. I replied by saying that sometimes intelligent people clash w/ other intelligent people because there becomes resistance in gaining their own personal goals -each one understanding the other ones motives and then ‘roadblocks’ are created to prevent the other from succeeding. She agreed, nodding her head and looking down.

To me, it seems that ‘intelligence’ is equal to competitive selfishness, or at least it’s viewed that way by some members of my family… I’ve always been labeled the ‘unintelligent’ sibling in my family… I’m the youngest of the bunch, and grew up being manipulated by the others. I’m the last remaining Catholic in the family, aside from my parents.

Is it a common thing that intelligence is viewed as a characteristic or ability for achieving personal gain?

Has anyone ever encountered another person who views intelligence in this way?

 

[revert_jen]

When I was in psych classes in college, I came to the conclusion that the reason people can’t agree on what should be in IQ tests, is that people don’t agree on what constitutes inteligence.

However, what you are describing is not any definition of intelligence that I have encountered. It certainly fits the definition of “dysfunction” and is also pretty good for “competitiveness.”

Intelligence may indeed help you discern the goals of others, but only competitiveness (the desire to succeed at the expense of others), manipulativeness (the desire to determine the outcomes of others), and malice (the desire to hurt others) can explain using that knowledge to thwart the desires of the other. Even ambition (the desire to succeed) and selfishness wouldn’t do it unless the goals were in direct conflict. Intelligence helps you be better at being competitive, manipulative, or malicious, like it also helps you do a lot of other things. Saying that intelligence is the same as those other characteristics is like saying that good hearing (because it helps you be a better singer) is the same as the ability to sing.

Benign intelligence would work out a way for all persons to meet some or all of their goals–a third way if the two are in competition currently.

So no, they are not in conflict because they are intelligent. They are in conflict because they are uncharitable, if what you describe is what they are actually doing to each other.

–Jen

 

[Allegra]

I’ve encountered a few people who attribute someone’s inability to get along with others to “intelligence”, but that’s the kind of conversation where you nod your head compassionately and then excuse your self from the room so they can’t hear you busting a gut laughing.

It seems obvious to me that a person who is truely intelligent, at least from a social standpoint, would be able to easily determine the cause of disputes with others and come up with solutions and compromises to resolve them. It’s hilarious to me when people suggest that “intelligent” people are unable to do so.

Obviously, intelligence manifests itself in different ways in different people but certainly the ability to navigate gracefully through relationships and social situations is a clear indication of intelligence.

In my opinion, this idea that very intelligent people are, by nature, self-centered, cold, or socially awkward is endorsed primarily by insecure individuals who feel the need to “take others down a notch” and has no basis in fact.

In this instance, it sounds like your friend is trying to make herself feel better about not getting on her with husband by giving herself an out and a compliment.

Why!? Why doesn’t selflessness and compromise come easily to me when the moronic, crass, and unenlightened mob are able to coexist with their spouses blissfully and without conflict? Curse my superior intellect!

 

[TEPO]

Thank you Jen and Allegra! You’re both clearly intelligent and kind.

…I hate starting a thread about my sister like this, but after encountering a few people at work who seemed to share that disfunctional perspective, I started to question my own consciounce… Something in my heart told me that it just wasn’t right.

Peace,
TEPO