What does the Church ask of us regarding vocations/a possible "deal-breaker"?

[iwillrisenow]

Hello,

I am currently in RCIA and have been experiencing the highs and lows of the journey. One particular question that I keep coming back to is the question of vocations/discernment.

I come from a Protestant background, where I viewed marriage in terms of if-and-when and religious life in terms of if-I-were-called-to-it-I’d-go-there. The whole Catholic notion of religious life being the objectively superior state and the pressure to discern it on all single people are completely new to me. I can understand it up to the point of there being less temptation and it being a “safer” route to salvation…objectively, and especially if one is called to it. I have more difficulty accepting that it is right and good to push all single people in that direction, especially ones who do not feel a call. That’s me right now: at this stage in my life, I do not feel any sort of attraction or pull to religious life and I cannot say that I “wish” I were called or that I were “good enough for that”, as some people do and as seems to be the Catholic ideal. Marriage, on the other hand, is something that I am drawn to and hope to be blessed with the opportunity to more seriously discern that down the road. Only time will tell for any vocation, as I am really just focused on preparing to enter the Church right now. I really wish I could be happy when people make little jokes or try to pressure me into going to discernment groups, but this all feels like giving up and going with something that doesn’t seem right rather than trusting what God has put in my spirit. I know that vocations are essential for the Church and I respect people’s efforts in cultivating them, but I have some doubts about entering a Church that seems to guilt people into discernment, especially single young women.

My question is…what does the Church expect of its members in terms of vocations and discernment? Do I have no choice but to discern a religious vocation as a single woman? How accepting is the Church of single lay people who do not discern because they do not sense a calling from God to religious life? And is it normal in the Church for people to make jokes or encourage all single people to be religious (just trying to figure out if this is just something I’m not used to yet)?

 

[shondrea]

Well, I’m a cradle Catholic, and I’ve never heard a teaching like that before…

 

[beckers]

I think there is some confusion in your RCIA class. Married life is a VOCATION and you don’t just discern in life whether to become a nun or not. You discern all the time even within your vocation. I discerned what God’s plan were for me in my job and whether i should persue going to law school.

No one should force you into any vocation. If you have prayed and discerned that the religious life is not for you then that is fine. Not all of us are called to that life. Yes its a “Higher” calling but that doesn’t mean it is a BETTER calling then the marriage vocation. Each one has its issues and God will led you down the right path.

I did the same thing. I wasn’ sure if the married life was for me but i knew being a nun was not my calling. I was happy being either single or married. Its a hard path too because people don’t want to accept if you decide you are meant to be single. They think there is something wrong with or that no once wants you.

One of the best advice i ever got from a priest was to make a decision. Don’t sit on the fence but look at the vocations and make a decisions. If being a nun doesn’t ‘feel’ right to you then there is nothing wrong with that. God may be calling you to married or stay single. If other’s have a problem with that then that is their problem.

When people ask they must see godly qualities within you so take that part as a compliment. I always had a standard come back when people asked me. “Yea i have discerned and i don’t believe that is where God is calling me to but thank you for caring about me.” Stand your ground. Some people have nothing better to do then to tell others how they should live their life. It not just church ladies but some people in general.

On another note. Since you are a “newbie” catholic i wouldn’t make any grand vocation decisions for atleast a year. I had a friend who was a new catholic and felt the calling to be a priest. The seminary wouldn’t take him for a few years because they wanted to make sure this was his calling and not just a high from becoming catholic. I would suggest getting a spritual director at some point just to help you in general on your journey. Its hard sometimes to get clarity and an outside voice can help in all matters.

BTW: WELCOME HOME!!!

 

[CalCatholic]

I agree with the above posters, after I went through RCIA, I spent a year 'just being a new Catholic Christian. After that year I started attending Bible study, then another half year later I started helping out in the RCIA class. If you want to get involved in the parish later you can also be a Eucharistic Minister or Lector, etc. There are many things you can get involved in, after about a year you will know what they are. Good luck!

 

[revert_jen]

I can understand it up to the point of there being less temptation and it being a “safer” route to salvation…objectively, and especially if one is called to it.

Not “especially” if one is called to it, ONLY if one is called to it.

I have more difficulty accepting that it is right and good to push all single people in that direction, especially ones who do not feel a call.

I’m single, and nobody is pushing a vocation on me. OTOH (and you can take comfort in this, as it means that in any case people won’t be pushing you forever), a lot of religious orders aren’t interested in women over 30, so that could be why the pressure is off. Also, perhaps people who meet me can see right away that I’m not suited. =)

BTW, are you sure that people are pushing everyone toward a religious vocation? Or possibly is it just you? One of the signs that you may have a vocation is supposed to be that a lot of people think you have one. However, I agree with everyone that you definitely shouldn’t make any decisions (either way) about a religious vocation in the first year or two after you come into the Church.

Anyway, no it’s not normal for all single people to be pushed toward a religious vocation; no, you do not have to be a religious if you are single; but unfortunately no, people who are single and not discerning a religious vocation are not always accepted. The Church (Magisterial body) doesn’t technically have a problem with it, but sometimes the church (the people in that building in your neighborhood) don’t have a lot of places for singles to fit in. But there is never any oblication to become a nun just because you aren’t married!!

(slightly premature)Welcome Home!!

–Jen

 

[mbnoel]

Hi. Lemme add my voice to what has already been said. Please don’t lose your peace over this! When the Church invites people to discern their vocation, it wants them to discover that unique state of life to which they are invited by God if they are to most easily attain their ultimate purpose- Eternal life. The Church recognizes three directions into which one may be called: Consecrated Religious life, The Married life, or Celibate lay apostolate (you’re celibate, but neither a priest nor a nun. Take Cardinal Henry Newman, for example; even before he became Catholic, he was convinced it was his calling to serve God as a single man). Never direct your steps where you do not feel the call is.

As for those folks who keep raising this issue, it may be that there’s something impressive about you. Thank God for that. However, since you’re certain the Religious life is not your calling, don’t be pressured. I find Becker’s suggested response very clever. Otherwise, WELCOME!!!

 

[iwillrisenow]

Thank you all very much for your wise answers. When I first heard about discerning vocations, I thought it was a more general process of understanding God’s will for your life and following His guidance, as you mentioned, beckers. I even thought that becoming Catholic was a process of discernment, to some extent. As a newbie Catholic, it is a process of growth and all I can do right now is have faith and trust, despite what others may project or impose on me.

To answer your question, revert_jen, I am not the only one who has been pushed towards religious life in this group-- I’ve witnessed actual conversations involving two other people who seemed not to be previously discerning. It seems like it would be tough to tell for sure, though, just by those conversations. Overall, the group is very discernment and religious life-oriented (especially for men), which is probably why there’s an “everyone is a potential religious” vibe among the folks there.

 

[GAHere]

Sounds to me like someone in your RCIA group doesn’t grasp the concept of vocation very well.

As beautiful as the vocation of the priesthood is I can’t wrap my mind around any vocation being greater or better than that discerned by Mary, our mother. That vocation was marriage and parenthood. Tragically, her son was taken in his early 30s, but she was blessed with caring for John and the early church disciples after that. It makes me think of God’s promise to Abraham, to him he was granted nations, to Mary, she was granted the entire church, all from one ‘yes’.

Even parenthood requires a further discernment process, as how a couple or person enters into that vocation differs according to God’s plan and timing, as it did for Mary: some couples aren’t able to conceive, some are called to adopt or foster parent, some find themselves parents later in life due to the death of a relative who left their children to them, some are called to embrace the children in the community with a full heart.

Even if a person discerns they are not called for marriage that doesn’t mean they’re called to religious life through an order or the priesthood. God needs those who devote themselves to prayer and devotion, he needs those who will administer the sacraments, he needs those who will co-create human life through him, and he needs those whose purpose is to interact with humanity by serving the people, administering to their needs, evangelizing to them through their life, their actions and their words.

 

[PJM]

=iwillrisenow;6386287]Hello,

I am currently in RCIA and have been experiencing the highs and lows of the journey. One particular question that I keep coming back to is the question of vocations/discernment.

I come from a Protestant background, where I viewed marriage in terms of if-and-when and religious life in terms of if-I-were-called-to-it-I’d-go-there. The whole Catholic notion of religious life being the objectively superior state and the pressure to discern it on all single people are completely new to me. I can understand it up to the point of there being less temptation and it being a “safer” route to salvation…objectively, and especially if one is called to it. I have more difficulty accepting that it is right and good to push all single people in that direction, especially ones who do not feel a call. That’s me right now: at this stage in my life, I do not feel any sort of attraction or pull to religious life and I cannot say that I “wish” I were called or that I were “good enough for that”, as some people do and as seems to be the Catholic ideal. Marriage, on the other hand, is something that I am drawn to and hope to be blessed with the opportunity to more seriously discern that down the road. Only time will tell for any vocation, as I am really just focused on preparing to enter the Church right now. I really wish I could be happy when people make little jokes or try to pressure me into going to discernment groups, but this all feels like giving up and going with something that doesn’t seem right rather than trusting what God has put in my spirit. I know that vocations are essential for the Church and I respect people’s efforts in cultivating them, but I have some doubts about entering a Church that seems to guilt people into discernment, especially single young women.

My question is…what does the Church expect of its members in terms of vocations and discernment? Do I have no choice but to discern a religious vocation as a single woman? How accepting is the Church of single lay people who do not discern because they do not sense a calling from God to religious life? And is it normal in the Church for people to make jokes or encourage all single people to be religious (just trying to figure out if this is just something I’m not used to yet)?

***My dear friend in Christ;

Perhaps this verse will help put things into a proper perspective for you? All of us, but in a more urgent way, young people need to pray regullarly the the graces of God Given Discernment and Wisdom. God tends to usually speak with “a very small voice,” to encourage us to listen closer to what He is saying.***

**John.15: 16 ** “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide; so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you”

God decides who He is calling to the Priesthood or Religious life. One should pray the Lord’s Prayer daily, with heartfelt conviction… “THY WILL BE DONE” … Lord, please let me know what your will is for me? THANK YOU…AMEN ! *.

No matter what our vocation, happiness can only be found in, with and through Jesus Christ, and by doing His Will.

I will add you to my prayer list.

Love nd prayers,*

 

[tvknight415]

First, there is nothing that says a single woman has to live in religious life. It sounds like you’ve already discerned a call to the vocation of marriage, just haven’t met Mr. Right yet. Don’t panic on this, as not everyone is married with children by their mid 20’s (my wife and I met when I was 32 and she was 34, and we now have a lovely 2-year-old daughter).

But, at the same time, because you feel that you are called to marriage, don’t interpret that to mean you aren’t called to religious life. Sometimes we want something so bad that we blind ourselves to what God wants of us. I went through the discernment process for the priesthood at age 27, and learned an awful lot about myself in the process, and am better for it, even though I ultimately did not become one. I would recommend to anyone to go through discernment. Going into vocational discernment doesn’t mean you’re going to be a nun or a sister, it simply means you want to know more about yourself and what God wants you to do. Besides, we all carry stereotypes and romantic notions about what religious life is, and it can be far different than we have it out to be in our heads.

But no matter what, right now, as someone just coming into the Church, don’t worry about vocational discernment. I believe all religious orders would require you to have been Catholic for several years before considering you to join them. Just focus on growing and strengthening your faith and welcome!