What if there is no God

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Yesterday my husband told me he no longer believes there is a God. Needless to say this was extremely upsetting to me, and I have been in tears since then. As we talked, I said that if there is no God I have completely wasted my life, because I always put everyone else before myself, knowing that if I’m a faithful servant here, I’ll be rewarded if I get to heaven. He said that was a foolish way to live, and then I should do the things that please me while Im here on earth, because this is it and I only get one chance.

What I didn’t tell him was that if I were going to do the things that please me I would divorce him and get out of our terrible 25 year marriage. I would travel instead of staying here, taking care of our two sets of parents, I would go back to school, or go get a job, or do something that I want to do.

So then I started thinking, maybe i should do some things that I want to do (probably not get a divorce, because I do believe there is a God, and that divorce is a sin) but even little things, like asserting myself more about asking for help around the house or telling him if something he’s doing is bothering me, just looking out for myself more in general, which I usually don’t do, and instead just offer it up.

Sorry if I’m just rambling, this whole thing has got me so upset, I just feel like the whole world has turned upside down. Anyway, what’s the balance between pleasing God and pleasing ourselves?
 
I suppose I am a little confused about why you think God is asking you to give up everything you want to do in life and fill it with doing things only for others…

Why can’t you do some things for you?
 
constantconvert said:
Yesterday my husband told me he no longer believes there is a God. Needless to say this was extremely upsetting to me, and I have been in tears since then. As we talked, I said that if there is no God I have completely wasted my life, because I always put everyone else before myself, knowing that if I’m a faithful servant here, I’ll be rewarded if I get to heaven. He said that was a foolish way to live, and then I should do the things that please me while Im here on earth, because this is it and I only get one chance.

What I didn’t tell him was that if I were going to do the things that please me I would divorce him and get out of our terrible 25 year marriage. I would travel instead of staying here, taking care of our two sets of parents, I would go back to school, or go get a job, or do something that I want to do.

So then I started thinking, maybe i should do some things that I want to do (probably not get a divorce, because I do believe there is a God, and that divorce is a sin) but even little things, like asserting myself more about asking for help around the house or telling him if something he’s doing is bothering me, just looking out for myself more in general, which I usually don’t do, and instead just offer it up.

Sorry if I’m just rambling, this whole thing has got me so upset, I just feel like the whole world has turned upside down. Anyway, what’s the balance between pleasing God and pleasing ourselves?
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Just don’t sin in order to please yourself .Asking for help is not a sin

I am sorry that this has happened.
 
Irishmom2 said:
I suppose I am a little confused about why you think God is asking you to give up everything you want to do in life and fill it with doing things only for others…

Why can’t you do some things for you?
Click to expand...
Well, I guess that’s what I’m asking-- how much of our lives should we devote to others and how much can we do as we like? The Bible says we’re supposed to deny ourselves, and put other people’s interests above our own. When I read the lives of the saints it seems like that’s what they do, and it seems like nuns do it as well. So holy people serve others, and not themselves
 
Personally,I don’t see the logic in not believing in God.Our existence and the resultant joys and sorrows make little to no sense otherwise. 🤷
 
constantconvert said:
Well, I guess that’s what I’m asking-- how much of our lives should we devote to others and how much can we do as we like? The Bible says we’re supposed to deny ourselves, and put other people’s interests above our own. When I read the lives of the saints it seems like that’s what they do, and it seems like nuns do it as well. So holy people serve others, and not themselves
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Yes, holy people do indeed serve others over their own self, but not foolishly.
 
constantconvert said:
Well, I guess that’s what I’m asking-- how much of our lives should we devote to others and how much can we do as we like? The Bible says we’re supposed to deny ourselves, and put other people’s interests above our own. When I read the lives of the saints it seems like that’s what they do, and it seems like nuns do it as well. So holy people serve others, and not themselves
Click to expand...
If you are a spouse and a parent, there is a certain amount of your life that you will devote to your family. Some of it, you do willingly, unselfishly, joyfully. Some of it, we do because we have to, it is our duty or what we have decided is our job to do. I don’t believe that the Bible is telling you to deny yourself everything in life. Neither is it saying that you are free to do whatever you want. God is not expecting us to be doormats. He wants us to use the talents we are given, not sacrifice everything to serve our family. That would make you nothing more than a servant.

It sounds like you have given up your own interests and desires completely. Perhaps that is why you would very honestly admit you would leave your marriage and 2 sets of parents behind.

This tells me that you need to start taking some time for yourself. What would you like to do? Get a job? Work on a your interest in music, or art or some other passion? Maybe you need to gather your family and regroup. Delegate, lower your expectations of what you feel you need to accomplish in a day. Give yourself a break. Be honest with your family about needing some time to do something for yourself.
 
constantconvert said:
Well, I guess that’s what I’m asking-- how much of our lives should we devote to others and how much can we do as we like? The Bible says we’re supposed to deny ourselves, and put other people’s interests above our own. When I read the lives of the saints it seems like that’s what they do, and it seems like nuns do it as well. So holy people serve others, and not themselves
Click to expand...
The second great command is to love others as we love ourselves. This commandment is only surpassed by the need to Love God above all things.

My point is that if we don’t love ourselves (and that includes taking care of ourselves) how can we effectively love others over the long haul?

It seems to me that you have been doing a wonderful job of living a good Christian life. God bless you for this. However, your husband’s announcement and your reaction to it strikes me as evidencing that you are under tremendous stress. You DO need to to take care of yourself, if for no other reason than so that you can continue to take care of others.
Note that even Jesus would go off by himself to rest and pray and recuperate.

Just some thoughts.

Peace
James
 
constantconvert said:
Yesterday my husband told me he no longer believes there is a God. Needless to say this was extremely upsetting to me, and I have been in tears since then. As we talked, I said that if there is no God I have completely wasted my life, because I always put everyone else before myself, knowing that if I’m a faithful servant here, I’ll be rewarded if I get to heaven. He said that was a foolish way to live, and then I should do the things that please me while Im here on earth, because this is it and I only get one chance.

What I didn’t tell him was that if I were going to do the things that please me I would divorce him and get out of our terrible 25 year marriage. I would travel instead of staying here, taking care of our two sets of parents, I would go back to school, or go get a job, or do something that I want to do.

So then I started thinking, maybe i should do some things that I want to do (probably not get a divorce, because I do believe there is a God, and that divorce is a sin) but even little things, like asserting myself more about asking for help around the house or telling him if something he’s doing is bothering me, just looking out for myself more in general, which I usually don’t do, and instead just offer it up.

Sorry if I’m just rambling, this whole thing has got me so upset, I just feel like the whole world has turned upside down. Anyway, what’s the balance between pleasing God and pleasing ourselves?
Click to expand...
Sorry you have been struggling in your marriage.

It must be hard not to be on the same page about so many things, and now, religion on top of it all! It must feel like the “last straw”.

I agree with your husband on one thing, about trying to take care of ourselves.

Sometimes, when we always put others first, fail to take care of our needs, it can become a kind of codependency. When your needs, then, aren’t met, you will feel frustrated.

wikihow.com/Tell-if-You-Are-Codependent

addictionz.com/20_questions_for_codependents.htm

Would you consider marriage counseling if your relation is having some difficulties. One doesn’t need to wait till it’s at the point of separation/divorce. It’s actually easier to resolve problems when they are small.

By all means, be more assertive. Ask for help around the house and work on getting your own needs met. If your own needs go unmet, especially chronically, you will become frustrated, embittered, disappointed, burned out, angry, and who could blame you. However, we are ultimately responsible for our own needs being taking care of, nobody else. In that, he is right.
 
JRKH said:
The second great command is to love others as we love ourselves. This commandment is only surpassed by the need to Love God above all things.

My point is that if we don’t love ourselves (and that includes taking care of ourselves) how can we effectively love others over the long haul?

It seems to me that you have been doing a wonderful job of living a good Christian life. God bless you for this. However, your husband’s announcement and your reaction to it strikes me as evidencing that you are under tremendous stress. You DO need to to take care of yourself, if for no other reason than so that you can continue to take care of others.
Note that even Jesus would go off by himself to rest and pray and recuperate.

Just some thoughts.

Peace
James
Click to expand...
Excellent points I hadn’t thought of. Thanks
 
I think you are beginning to burn out.

However, insofar as possible, try not to allow others’ actions or beliefs, to disturb your inner peace. Christ told us not to worry.

My mother once told me to put my life in God’s hands. You could drive your crazy feeling personally responible for everyone else.

I would say to avoid trying to persuade your husband about God. I was married to an agnostic, and pressure will probably only have the opposite effect of what you intend, make him want him to further dig in his heels, resist.

Let him be. Ironically, sometimes, some people come around precisely when we stop the pressure. Lead by example. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone persuade me of anything by nagging or pressure, or arguing with me.

I HAVE been VERY persuaded, once reverted due to the example of 3 friends. Don’t underestimate the power of your own example. Be at peace.

Christ said not to worry, that it did no good, that with worry we couldn’t change one hair on our head, so why do it?

Do your best, and then let it be, or you could place undue stress on yourself, your mental, emotional, and possibly physical health.

Also, if you want to tell your husband at least some of the things you’d do if you didn’t believe in God, you could also try that.
 
ClearWater said:
Sorry you have been struggling in your marriage.

It must be hard not to be on the same page about so many things, and now, religion on top of it all! It must feel like the “last straw”.

I agree with your husband on one thing, about trying to take care of ourselves.

Sometimes, when we always put others first, fail to take care of our needs, it can become a kind of codependency. When your needs, then, aren’t met, you will feel frustrated.

wikihow.com/Tell-if-You-Are-Codependent

addictionz.com/20_questions_for_codependents.htm

Would you consider marriage counseling if your relation is having some difficulties. One doesn’t need to wait till it’s at the point of separation/divorce. It’s actually easier to resolve problems when they are small.

By all means, be more assertive. Ask for help around the house and work on getting your own needs met. If your own needs go unmet, especially chronically, you will become frustrated, embittered, disappointed, burned out, angry, and who could blame you. However, we are ultimately responsible for our own needs being taking care of, nobody else. In that, he is right.
Click to expand...
Thanks, I have tried to get my husband to go to counseling, but he won’t. I guess maybe I’ve had a skewed view of what it means to live out my Catholic faith, I alway thought it was selfish to do what pleases me. I guess I was wrong. I’ve always been a bit suspicious of “love yourself” because the world is so self centered. I thought the verse about love others the way you love yourself meant that we automatically care for ourselves because we’re selfish, so we were supposed to look out for others the same way we look out for ourselves.
 
If their actually is no God, then We’re in a lot of trouble,
If their is no piont in existence, Then what’s it all about,?
Like Life, The Galaxies , the universe , the Ant Colony invading our house ,
What is the point of it all ?
If a good person, lives a life as good as they can, following the word of God,
And Die’s , if their is no God, No afterlife, No Heaven,
then what harm has this Person Done ?
But, How lucky would this person be, if Actually there were a God ?
 
constantconvert said:
Thanks, I have tried to get my husband to go to counseling, but he won’t. I guess maybe I’ve had a skewed view of what it means to live out my Catholic faith, I alway thought it was selfish to do what pleases me. I guess I was wrong. I’ve always been a bit suspicious of “love yourself” because the world is so self centered. I thought the verse about love others the way you love yourself meant that we automatically care for ourselves because we’re selfish, so we were supposed to look out for others the same way we look out for ourselves.
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I have problems with codependency. My relationship history looks like a minefield!

Anyway, even if your husband refuses to go, I think you could benefit from counseling on several counts. Number one…you can vent with a neutral person, get what’s bothering you off your chest with someone who is trained, has experience in these matters. Sometimes, that helps people, that alone, the opportunity to talk about problems.

Then, you might have issues of codependency. If you do, you would need to work on boundaries…taking care of yourself

I studied social work, and burnout is high in helping professions. One way to fend off burnout is to TAKE CARE OF oneself.

Yeah, I know this sounds unchristian, but I assure you, you won’t be any good to yourself (or anyone else) over the long haul…if you continue unhappy like this.

Try at least asking for help. Look for ways for your needs to be met.

I stand by my position that, whether you husband goes to counseling or not, I believe YOU would benefit, possibly greatly. What do you have to lose? Many times, health insurance will cover at least a few visits.
 
You can change your husband’s heart by your witness and praying for him.

Take a look at the life of Elizabeth Leseur and don’t let your husband’s unbelief affect you for the negative…

youtube.com/watch?v=jGTsi6zD3Zk

I’m not married, but in my mind this seems like one of the greatest expressions of authentic love that I am aware of by one spouse for the other.

If you want the quick version of the video start at the 17 minute mark, it is listening and time well spent.

God Bless You.
 
Oh, I wish I could give you a big hug right now. Your situation reminds me a bit of The Secret Diary of Elisabeth Leseur. She was a devout Catholic married to an atheist. This broke her heart. She prayed constantly for her husband’s conversion and led by her good example.
She was concerned for his salvation. After her death he finally converted to Catholicism then later became a priest. I believe he finally found her diary and realized what she had done for him. He later had it published as a book.

St. Monica prayed about 18 years for her pagan son’s conversion.
Her prayers and example finally paid off. He became a Catholic, a priest, a Bishop and a Saint. His book Confessions, is an autobiography.

Everyone must deny oneself some things which hinder our relationship with God.
God still wants us to be happy, do things for ourselves and take care if ourselves.
Find a hobby, set goals, pursue a dream. It is not too late.
Recommend your marriage to Our Lady Undoer of Knots. She loves to solve problems.
Talk to a holy priest. The spiritual life should not be a burden. God bless you.
 
Well, if the bible is truly nothing but a bunch of stories from 2000 yrs ago, and there really is no God, we would have to look at who would most benefit from a society believing in such things, and what motivation they would have for doing this.

If it was proven fact that the bible is just a collection of stories that have zero impact on us in modern times, what motivation would the average person have for continuing to be a ‘good person’? If there as no such thing as sin, in that none of us had to worry about our actions in this life or worrying about being punished in the afterlife, what would keep society from becoming a place where only the strong survive and everyone is out for themselves, without any caring or love for others. There would be nothing to motivate people to lead a normal, peaceful life, people would be out killing, robbing banks left and right, basically only interested in instant gratification.

This would be a society totally out of control, chaos and anarchy would be law, there would be no basic right from wrong.

Who would most benefit from preventing such a reality?
 
I suppose your husband wants concrete proof. Well here it is.

It is the principle of cause and effect. If your husband believes that the universe ‘created itself’ or came out of nothing, tell him to put his beliefs into action by not using a key or button to start his car the next time he uses it. Instead, ask him to wait for the car to start itself, because this is what he is asking you to believe; that there is no prime mover of the universe. If that were true, the same principle would work in everything. Alternatively, you could also ask him to place a ball in the centre of your living room, take two paces back from it, and then attempt to move the ball without touching it or influencing it in any way.

If he can achieve these things, then he can say with certainty that there is no God.

Best wishes,
Padster
 
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