What is forgiveness?

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After dealing with some father issues, I’ve confessed several times, talked to 3 different priests about it, and I know in my own conscience I have forgiven the man; I wish nothing but the best for him. BUT–and here’s where I don’t get it–whenever something comes up to remind me of this issue, I still get angry and I still go, yet again, to confession for anger.

My questions for you: What is the nature of forgiveness? Are there outward signs that ‘prove’ you have or haven’t completely forgived? Is forgiveness a matter of degrees or all-or-nothing? Scripture never says forgive and forget. Is it possible to forget? Have you really forgiven somebody unless you can forget? :confused:

All 3 priests said that I have expressed bona fide forgiveness and that the anger I continue to feel has nothing to do with the act of forgiveness that I have done. Yet I still hold on to this childlike nievete that believes when you forgive all should be better. :banghead: Is my conscience wrong and my anger a sign that I haven’t completely forgiven him?

Any insights from you mature Christians? Any book recomendations? Any comment will be appreciated. :blessyou:
 
there is a process for forgivness, as for grief, it has several stages, and you must pass through each stage. it takes as long as it takes, sometimes you need help, spiritual or psychological to transition through stages, and you discern when you have finally forgiven when the original offense and its perpetrator no long have the power to hurt you, to bind you in resentment, self-pity, low self-esteem, anger, etc.

short-term the forgiveness prayer in Linda Schuberts little book Miracle Hour of prayer, best expresses the act of will that generates forgiveness. Long-term the best help I received was a Healed in the Spirit Retreat I attended offered by the Sacred Heart Fathers in Youngstown. I believe this is one of the follow up retreats for Life in the Spirit.
 
It helps me when I self reflect on my changes of perception. At one time I didn’t think some of my actions hurt others. I have matured some since. Maturity and forgiveness. The anger you talk about sounds like a temptation to sin, nip it in the bud and replace it with a positive thought. Tim
 
Friends of God > The Christian’s Hope > Number 219http://www.escrivaworks.org/images/....escrivaworks.org/images/misc/pixtrans.gifThe struggle of a child of God cannot go hand in hand with a spirit of sad-faced renunciation, sombre resignation or a lack of joy. It is, on the contrary, the struggle of the man in love who, whether working or resting, rejoicing or suffering, is always thinking of the one he loves, for whose sake he is happy to tackle any problems that may arise. Besides, in our case, being united with God, we can call ourselves victors because, I insist, he does not lose battles. My own experience is that when I strive faithfully to meet his demands, ‘he gives me a resting place where there is green pasture, leads me out to the cool water’s brink, refreshed and content. As in honour pledged, by sure paths he leads me; dark be the valley about my path, hurt I fear none while he is with me; thy rod, thy crook are my comfort.’

To win the battles of the soul, the best strategy often is to bide one’s time and apply the suitable remedy with patience and perseverance. Make more acts of hope. Let me remind you that in your interior life you will suffer defeats and you will have ups and downs — may God make them imperceptible — because no one is free of these misfortunes. But our all powerful and merciful Lord has granted us the precise means with which to conquer. As I have already mentioned, all we have to do is to use them, resolving to begin again and again at every moment, should it prove necessary.

I would like to see you going to the holy Sacrament of Penance, the sacrament of divine forgiveness, every week, and indeed whenever you need it, without giving in to scruples. Clothed in grace, we can cross mountains, and climb the hill of our Christian duty, without halting on the way. If we use these resources with a firm purpose and beg Our Lord to grant us an ever increasing hope, we will possess the infectious joy of those who know they are children of God: ‘If God is with us, who can be against us?’ Let us be optimists. Moved by the power of hope, we will fight to wipe away the trail of filth and slime left by the sowers of hatred. We will find a new joyful perspective to the world, seeing that it has sprung forth beautiful and fair from the hands of God. We will give it back to him with that same beauty, if we learn how to repent.
 
When dealing with forgiveness, the basic things you must be willing to do is: greet the person when you see them and be willing to pray for them. That’s it.

Your anger comes from you. The more you grow in Christ, and learn to deny yourself, the easier it will be to forgive.

I had a better point, but it slipped.

All I can say is, it’s hard young men (I’m assuming your male) to deal with their fathers. Many have a lot of resentments. I did. I still do have problems in dealing with my father.

It takes time. You have to work at it. Like anything else.

Let it be a lesson in patience, humbless, and humility. Those three virtues will get you very far in life. That and mercy are the essence of love. Self-giving.

People anger me. I get a rise. It’s not a sin to be angry for a moment. Now, if you start plotting revenge, or carry this anger around and let it control you perhaps you have sinned. You’ve let your anger take the place of God. If you are angry and act out on it, you have sinned. To get angry for a moment, I’m no priest, but I don’t think that’s a great sin.

I admire your devotion to confession. It shows dedication. I think, however, your beating yourself up.

If you can: make a holy hour of adoration for your father. If not that, then pray the rosary and/or the chaplet of divine mercy for him.

I love praying for others. If not for anything else but for the fact that when I ask God for the right things he answers my prayers. When I pray for somebody and I see my prayers are helping, my love for God increases, my love of prayer increases, and obviously my love for that person increases. As I’ve spent so much time focused on them, and making them a part of myself. Unfortunately that’s where the hurt/anger/pain may come in. When you let someone into your heart, their pain becomes your pain. It becomes difficult. I hate when people I care about misunderstand. God has blessed me to care about so many, I often am overcome by grief/hurt. I’m aware of the agony of souls. Yet it’s then that God’s mercy comes in and I understand his love. Love is the key. God is love, love is not God. It is so important. If you want to truly learn to love God you must learn to love others and vice versa.

When you get angry, just think of it as a reminder to pray. Examine your conscience. Figure out what you can do, or what you haven’t been doing, for God and other people.

pray always
 
Thankyou for responding to this thread. Each of your replies have helped me tremendously. God Bless each of you.
 
This is a question I’m struggling with myself. The betrayal I suffered is recent, only several weeks old. I know that holding on to resentment and anger is harmful to my soul as well as to my emotional state, so I’m trying to forgive. I discovered 2 things:
  1. forgiveness is (as another poster said) an act of will. It is a choice I make - to forgive another person.
  2. I don’t make the choice one time only, but every time I remember the incident.
    I find it helps if I ask God for the grace to help me forgive because I don’t have it in me by myself. I’m still struggling, but hopefully it will get easier as time goes on
 
I try to pray for the person I’m angry or resentful towards. Eventually this can help too.
 
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