What is kindness and most compassionate way to do this?

[CRATUS]

I have a relative. She is a good person at heart. My God she has a lot of flaws. Careless, naive, stubborn, cannot handle the truth, difficult time accepting reality, indecisive, demanding, gives up easily, people-pleaser, too sensitive, always looking for attention, never quite content, etc. I am very honest person. I think as her family, we should always tell her the truth. She is generally angry when she is corrected. She is often one in the family I guess “screwing up.” I guess it can feel like she is being picked on when mom, dad, sister, and younger sister correct her. But she is very stubborn. I can sort of see how she feels, always being corrected, is not easy. I can complain, she should be grateful we care enough about her to guide her. Realistically, no body likes being corrected all time. I can tell she has little to no confidence. She is an easy target. I think she realizes she is the weakest in the family.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I’m not sure what your question is.

Are you asking if it’s OK for you to pile on and add to the criticism? Or are you asking how to help defend her against all these people who are criticizing her? Or are you asking something else?

 

[mebcb]

Less critics, more compliments. Build her up rather than tearing her down. Surly you can find some good, honest traits to help her become less angry, more confident and have greater self esteem. Help her become the person the Lord wants her to be. I will pray for her. There is nothing worse than having someone in your face all the time telling you all about your faults and failings. Be kind in all things. Prying for the both of you.

 

[Mystical_Seeker]

People cannot hear new truth, when they are in defensive mode.

The brain has two basic modes: growth and protection. When its thoughts are threatened, it goes into protection mode by refusing to consider new thoughts.

If I were always being attacked, it would not be surprising to find me defending myself instead of trying in earnest to understand why Everybody Thinks I’m Always Wrong.

Not to say that a bunch of shallow compliments is the answer, but to be supportive, get to know her and listen instead of talk. Try to draw her out if you want to help her. She has enough people talking to her – and at her. Try listening to her. And don’t just listen, see if you can understand how she feels and say thing like “so do you feel more angry, or more frustrated, when that happens?” Let her know you are trying to understand, but not presuming to. See how much you can learn about her ideas, and even help her formulate words to describe them if she hasn’t, without regard to judging or correcting them. Simply listen and observer, and empathize by acknowledging you hear the feelings not just the thoughts.

Find out what music she likes. Listen to some with her. Offer her some music you like that means a lot. Music can convey feelings in ways words (or words alone) cannot.

My :twocents: anyway, FWIW

MS

 

[Holly3278]

I think we need more information before we can help you. For one, how old is this person? For another, is it possible that she is dealing with a mental illness? I ask this because a mental illness can cause a lot of the problems that you are describing. I know because I have dealt with severe mental illness for many years. I am definitely not a medical professional but mental health is one of my main interests and I’ve done some reading on it.

That said, I would be careful about being so quick to criticize others. Always be willing to criticize yourself before you criticize others.

 

[chefmomster2]

When my son was 5 years old he was seated next to the worst-behaved little boy in the class. He would push Daniel, scribble on his work, pinch him, etc. Daniel didn’t tell me about this for months! When I asked him why he didn’t report this to me or his teacher he replied, “Mom, don’t you know? People who act like that have big sadness inside. He’ll do better.” WOW!

 

[Mystical_Seeker]

When my son was 5 years old he was seated next to the worst-behaved little boy in the class. He would push Daniel, scribble on his work, pinch him, etc. Daniel didn’t tell me about this for months! When I asked him why he didn’t report this to me or his teacher he replied, “Mom, don’t you know? People who act like that have big sadness inside. He’ll do better.” WOW!

That is awesome!

 

[Humbly_Hopeful]

I have a relative. She is a good person at heart. My God she has a lot of flaws. Careless, naive, stubborn, cannot handle the truth, difficult time accepting reality, indecisive, demanding, gives up easily, people-pleaser, too sensitive, always looking for attention, never quite content, etc. I am very honest person. I think as her family, we should always tell her the truth. She is generally angry when she is corrected. She is often one in the family I guess “screwing up.” I guess it can feel like she is being picked on when mom, dad, sister, and younger sister correct her. But she is very stubborn. I can sort of see how she feels, always being corrected, is not easy. I can complain, she should be grateful we care enough about her to guide her. Realistically, no body likes being corrected all time. I can tell she has little to no confidence. She is an easy target. I think she realizes she is the weakest in the family.

Saying that “she should be grateful we care enough about her” is condescending. Every person deserves to be cared for by family, even if they are difficult. I know not everyone has a family with love in it, or a positive foundation, but if you and your family “care enough about her to guide her” then maybe you guys need to change the failing approaches.

As another poster mentioned; there is more information needed, but is there a possibility of mental illness? Prayers for you, her, and the family.

 

[LPS]

My God she has a lot of flaws.

This could be me I have a zillion faults. I loved the advice someone gave about building up instead of tearing down. You really don’t know how hard she tries to do better; if all everyone sees are the failures, then soon she will quit trying. But if you encourage her, she will keep trying.

In the end we have to remember that “I” can’t change someone else, only myself. And even then “I” don’t really change myself … the Holy Spirit is the one who truly transforms.

Please pray for her.

 

[Sunbreak]

Wow. If the person is surrounded by family who thinks she has so many problems, no wonder she is insecure. It would be terrible to be in a situation where family members were constantly criticizing you. It would be much better to compliment her when she does something positive and if something needs to be said then take her aside and gently explain how to handle things differently rather than just complain about what she did.

 

[Cricket2]

Are you sure all the corrections are needed?

Like it or not families can “pick” on one member with extreme and unrealistic expectations, over correction and their own need to be overprotective or in control.

If this person is an adult they need to get out on their own and discover themselves. This might be hard to do, and they will make mistakes. But before correcting this person again, ask them for their perspective and see what they say. They just might not be the one that needs all the correction and (name removed by moderator)ut.

On the other hand there are folks who are totally wrapped up in themselves, so they do need brought down to an honest way of looking at things,. Being honest is the best way, but it does not have to be harsh or unkind. I hope you can tell the difference and give this person a chance to express her views on the matter.

 

[ready]

I have a relative. She is a good person at heart. My God she has a lot of flaws. Careless, naive, stubborn, cannot handle the truth, difficult time accepting reality, indecisive, demanding, gives up easily, people-pleaser, too sensitive, always looking for attention, never quite content, etc. I am very honest person. I think as her family, we should always tell her the truth. She is generally angry when she is corrected. She is often one in the family I guess “screwing up.” I guess it can feel like she is being picked on when mom, dad, sister, and younger sister correct her. But she is very stubborn. I can sort of see how she feels, always being corrected, is not easy. I can complain, she should be grateful we care enough about her to guide her. Realistically, no body likes being corrected all time. I can tell she has little to no confidence. She is an easy target. I think she realizes she is the weakest in the family.

I’d only correct her if she were to do something that will either hurt her soul or the souls of others, that is, if she were to do something sinful. In other words, if she is gossiping or neglecting her daily duties, then correct her gently and lovingly; but if she is just making small mistakes of no consequence, then just pray for her and give her encouragement. God bless you.