What is the best way to deal with sinful anger?

[Jesness]

I’m sorry if this is in the wrong forum… if I wasn’t sure where this should go. Anyway… As of late I have noticed I become exceedingly angry with a certain person, with, and sometimes even without cause. I go from calm to rage without anything inbetween. I have tried praying for this person, but I am afraid that I can’t pray sincerely because of my anger, and sometimes I have to force myself to pray because what is supposed to be love is quickly turning into indifference. I know that my pride is at work here, because I often become annoyed at this person for doing things that I have done, which makes me a hypocrite on top of everything else. I know that all of this is quite wrong, and I’m not sure how to deal with it. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do about this kind of anger?

 

[Snugglebugmom]

I am dealing with this very same problem. Currently I am reading a book by Mother Angelica (founder of EWTN, and a Poor Clare nun) and she writes that it is helpful to try and look at the person that has you fuming through the eyes of Jesus instead of your own eyes. I am earnestly trying this, and I have to admit it is sooo hard… but yeah, I cannot imagine Jesus ever blowing His top the way I do, and it sure is humbling. So far it hasn’t really cut down on my anger much, but it has made me a lot more aware that there are other, better ways of looking at something, and that letting loose and screaming at the top of my lungs is just not right. I’m hoping to get better at it. For now I am reading along with you and hoping to get better tips and more insight in this. Thank you for asking this question!

 

[DasErlibnis]

Do acts of charity (love) for that person until the anger goes away.

 

[105lynne]

Oh, I have a terrible Irish temper! And I, too, have one person in particular that brings that out of me like no other! I know St. Jerome had a terrible temper. I’ve asked him to guide me before. If anyone knows a sure fire answer to this problem, I’m all ears! You’re in my prayers, Jesness!

 

[rhiannonh]

I’m sorry if this is in the wrong forum… if I wasn’t sure where this should go. Anyway… As of late I have noticed I become exceedingly angry with a certain person, with, and sometimes even without cause. I go from calm to rage without anything inbetween. I have tried praying for this person, but I am afraid that I can’t pray sincerely because of my anger, and sometimes I have to force myself to pray because what is supposed to be love is quickly turning into indifference. I know that my pride is at work here, because I often become annoyed at this person for doing things that I have done, which makes me a hypocrite on top of everything else. I know that all of this is quite wrong, and I’m not sure how to deal with it. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do about this kind of anger?

What is it about them that is making you feel angry? You don’t have to answer that here. Just with God. At first you may well think - everything. Thats okay. If it helps you to think then write it down. Observe them a little without them knowing and watch your own reactions. When do you feel that little knott begin to tighten etc? Be honest to yourself. How long have you known them? Do you know anything about them? Do you normally talk with them? Once you have your list of things that they do etc that make you feel angry of them, work on each one at a time. Look within yourself. Why does that make you feel so angry?
Can you feel as though you can get to know them a little bit more? You don’t have to admitt you are trying to understand them. But through knowing them a little better your anger toward them may change in time. Sometimes I know we are at a deadlock with one another. Sometimes we have to hand that to God and ask him to take care of the situation whilst we see it through. If you can, try hard not to be angry at them. But walk away from possible scenes by escaping to the loo and have a mini quiet stomp there rather than at them. Above all, talk about it in confession.

 

[bmullins]

There is one girl that comes to one of our classes who really grates on my nerves. Even to the point where I sometimes don’t go just to avoid hearing her talk. That’s very petty of me and I know it’s not her fault, it’s my own problem. I have found that for me, the only way I can get through it is to look for Jesus in her. Look at her not as herself, but as someone that is being worked on by God and is not where she needs to be.

Then I force myself to look at me. To look at myself and how I’m that same kind of person. That I’m still such a fleshly person that I can need to look at someone else in such a way just to accept them. I find that the easiest way for me to deal with her… is to deal with myself. Because on the very point of the issue is that I myself am being worked on by God and am not where I need to be either.

 

[pinkcatholic]

This is something that I have been struggling with massively.

I come from an abusive past - I suffered physical abuse as a child, and emotional abuse from my parents for the first 21 years of my life. I am now 26, and have been trying to overcome a lot of psychological wounds associated with my past.

I am constantly working to forgive, and my family is also working toward improving themselves as people in their own way. But I have found that outside of my family, I have some anger issues to work out.

Example: I had a falling out with a young lady who had been a very close friend of mine for about a year. Her path in life changed significantly, and she attacked me verbally, feeling threatened by the chaste way I chose to live my life, although I never tried to act judgemental toward her. She said horrible things to me, but continues to attend all these different Catholic events and act as though nothing about her has changed. I can’t read her heart - I don’t know why she has chosen to be such a hypocrite and why she chose to be so cruel to me - as I said, I can only conculde she felt threatened somehow.

In any event, everytime I see her boasting in public and making such a big show of herself (constantly trying to tell everyone about a pilgrimage she went on, or how many times she’s made it to mass this week), I feel an anger I am sure is not proportionate to the situation. I just feel furious, because I hate witnessing injustice and I hate lies passionately. I felt abandoned by her, just as I have felt in my past.

I am having a very difficult time letting this anger toward her pass, even though it is a year after our final conversation. I still feel resentful, and I am certain this is sinful anger. I have prayed that this anger be removed from me, but I feel as though that hasn’t been enough in the past year. What can I do to overcome these feelings?

It seems as though I am occassionally siezed by extremely negative feelings that just continue to escalate until I am completely removed from logical reasoning. This MUST be sinful anger, but it seems so often to be outside of my control. I can’t be that powerless… what can I do?

 

[DasErlibnis]

Bake 'em a cake! You’ll feel good and so will they.

 

[Jesness]

I am dealing with this very same problem. Currently I am reading a book by Mother Angelica (founder of EWTN, and a Poor Clare nun) and she writes that it is helpful to try and look at the person that has you fuming through the eyes of Jesus instead of your own eyes. I am earnestly trying this, and I have to admit it is sooo hard… but yeah, I cannot imagine Jesus ever blowing His top the way I do, and it sure is humbling. So far it hasn’t really cut down on my anger much, but it has made me a lot more aware that there are other, better ways of looking at something, and that letting loose and screaming at the top of my lungs is just not right. I’m hoping to get better at it. For now I am reading along with you and hoping to get better tips and more insight in this. Thank you for asking this question!

The very fact that your advice makes me intensly uncomfortable is a good sign that is something I should try. The last thing I want to do is look at this person through the eyes of Jesus because if I do I will no longer be able to justify the feelings of anger in light of His love for this person. That is to say, I will be forced to view them with compassion. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to be able to view them with compassion, it’s just a lot harder when all you can see is red whenever they’re around.

Some advice that a priest gave me about a completely different person who I pretty much hated. Pray for them. (It’s really hard at first.) After a while you (or, me a least) become emotionally invested in this person’s spiritual journey and start to root for them when they do well, and are sympathetic when things are going badly for them. We aren’t best friends or anything, but we are on friendly terms and I don’t hate them any more. (I don’t know this person’s heart, but they [l]seem to like me more too. They will talk to me sometimes just to chat, whereas before we could sit in the same room for a long time and never say a word to each other.)

 

[105lynne]

The very fact that your advice makes me intensly uncomfortable is a good sign that is something I should try. The last thing I want to do is look at this person through the eyes of Jesus because if I do I will no longer be able to justify the feelings of anger in light of His love for this person. That is to say, I will be forced to view them with compassion. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to be able to view them with compassion, it’s just a lot harder when all you can see is red whenever they’re around.

Some advice that a priest gave me about a completely different person who I pretty much hated. Pray for them. (It’s really hard at first.) After a while you (or, me a least) become emotionally invested in this person’s spiritual journey and start to root for them when they do well, and are sympathetic when things are going badly for them. We aren’t best friends or anything, but we are on friendly terms and I don’t hate them any more. (I don’t know this person’s heart, but they [l]seem

to like me more too. They will talk to me sometimes just to chat, whereas before we could sit in the same room for a long time and never say a word to each other.)
That’s so true, what you said about praying for people who make you the most angry. I was very angry at my husband’s friend because he always had snide comments to say to him about how many kids we have and was always encouraging my husband to go out drinking with him. He’s been disrespectful to me on more than one occasion. I finally turned to God once I saw this man out in public drunk out of his mind. My hatred turned to pity very quickly and I now pray for him everyday. He and my husband aren’t friends anymore, but he’s very well known around town and we do have other mutual friends. I find out through them what is going on in his life and it’s really sad. Thank God for forgiveness and sympathy!!! Without that, I’d be harboring all this anger toward a person who is in desperate need of prayers.