What is the "right" response to abuse?

[gemma]

If one finds oneself in a verbally/psychologically abusive relationship (familial), or a neglectful one…

… is it sinful to clearly and forcefully say “stop”, and to back away as much as possible from the relationship?

… or must one always be kind, loving, sweet and supportive even when it encourages another person to use and mistreat oneself?

I have found no Catholic advice on this topic, and I desire to show Christ’s love, and I do not want to sin. What is the most virtuous response to being mistreated by someone who doesn’t claim to be an enemy, but rather claims to be a “friend”, and wants you to continually allow yourself to be used by them for their pleasure (not physically).

 

[Christy_Beth]

I was in various abusive relationships over the years. First, from my dad as I was growning up. Then from my ex-husband. What’s the correct way to deal with this? Lovingly, yes. But responding with love doesn’t mean that you allow the abuse to continue. The most loving thing to do would be to tell the abuser that you love them enough that you are concerned about them. Then remove yourself from the picture.

This is especially important if kids are involved. You need to love those kids, and yourself, enough to take a stand against any and all abuse.

 

[Didi]

I agree with ChristyBeth. Abusive relationships are far from normal and the abuser typically has a lot of issues they need to work through. The most Christian thing you could do for the abuser is to acknowledge that they need help, offer to assist them in doing so when they are ready, but state you cannot condone this type of lifestyle for yourself or for the abuser.

In a similar situation, I had to do this with my brother and sis-in-law who are addicts. It is difficult, but it is also the best thing for them. (We are still estranged as they continue to abuse alcohol and drugs.) I have spoken with my priest often about this. Might be good for you to speak to your pastor and/or a priest you know who is familiar with abusive relationships.

There are also a lot of wonderful programs out there for women and children to find a safe house if needed. Your pastor and/or church secretary should have this type of information for your area.

 

[Christian4life]

I really have trouble with this one because the Bible says you should never divorce except for adultery. However you can seperate if you need to.

If it is not someone you are bound to like a husband…I would just leave period. You don’t need that. Especially if it is a friend. I have had abusive friends and you know, you may love them but being with them just isn’t worth it because it will only get worse.

My mom was also very verbally abusive growing up. And though I love her and will talk to her on the phone sometimes…the best thing for me was when I moved thousands of miles away. I know you care about this person but trust me they do not care as much about you, and if they did they would not treat you like that.