What is the right way to act in a secular job?

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MarthaSo

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I’m returning to work in a secular environment with many mean coworkers. I will do my best.
Since I will be sad missing my baby and replacing my time with angry people how can I be a good witness to our faith if I smile and am good natured upon my return, sure it is polite, but if I feel terrible inside wouldn’t I sound fake if my eyes are dead? What a poor witness that would be, they would look at my Catholic stuff on my desk and be turned off. But how can I fake joy? Should I fake joy for the sake of being a good witness? I promise I would do it if it honors the Lord. I’m not upset He hasn’t given me joy yet but what do I do in the meantime with my disposition when coworkers want to chat, is what Is like advice on please.
I know I’m “there to work” and I will work for the Lord. I’m talking more about how not to “feel” so opposite when smiling at coworkers. I would like it to be genuine but I am dealing with matters of the heart that won’t resolve itself so easily.
I don’t like people coming to my desk for chit chat, I just want to work in the background. One coworker asks me all the time how I’m doing and after a brief response she just continues staring so I can say more lol, this I honestly am not looking forward to.
The answer just be professional is not helpful because that’s what I keep telling myself but it’s lacking because I don’t know what that means exactly when it comes to smiling and kindness.
You all are the best. If I ask this anywhere else I hate to say many of the answers would be very much on the surface.
Thanks
 
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You’re going through a lot. It’s a time of transition. Don’t overthink. Be courteous and professional. But take care of yourself too.

-Fr ACEGC
 
Thank you, my husband says I overthink too. It’s almost comical that I am at a loss for how to put my face and voice and disposition when I return. Who can imagine that this is my legitimate worry, I don’t know who to be and how to put my face. I am a daughter of the Lord, whom I love so much and I know He permits this pain, ok I accept, but then I have to face these angry people and I’d like to work in a closet and not deal with the public.
I neglected to mention many of my coworkers are crass and very unprofessional, if it were my previous corporate job where everyone was politically correct and polite it would be easier but here people are very abrupt. I wish I could be tough like St Jerome but there’s no room in my heart for that emotion because it’s too filled with missing my baby. I’m hoping for someone to tell me what to do.
 
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One day your beautiful baby will be older, perhaps just a teenager in his or her first job. Treat your coworkers like you’d want your child treated at work. They may be imperfect but they are children of God. Humble yourself. Quietly pray for them. Your cross may be your struggle with them on a daily basis, but be a light in your workplace.

“25 Therefore, putting away falsehood, let every one speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his hands, so that he may be able to give to those in need. 29 Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for edifying, as fits the occasion, that it may impart grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, in whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice, 32 and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:25-32)
 
Is looking for a new job an option?

I know you don’t want to go back anyway but a better job may make things easier on you.
 
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Thank you, that’s what I was afraid of actually that I would continue to do what I always did before the baby, which is suffer their personalities and hate of me with patience. I am not a strong person inside and peoples mean attitudes get to me and I can’t easily let go, I was hoping I could be stronger this time around. I honestly want to go in there like I don’t care if they hate me and be abrupt myself. That’ll teach them! And I would feel better!! The problem is the Lord would not be happy with that. He’d rather I suffer their nastiness with kindness and that hurts because I’m already hurting enough missing my baby. I think I just hit the crux of the matter.
Thank you
 
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Is it possible for you to find a different, more fitting job? Life really is too short to spend around the mean people you describe.
 
How come? Usually one can always find another job of some sort.
 
Thank you, that’s what I was afraid of actually that I would continue to do what I always did before the baby, which is suffer their personalities and hate of me with patience. I am not a strong person inside and peoples mean attitudes get to me and I can’t easily let go, I was hoping I could be stronger this time around. I honestly want to go in there like I don’t care if they hate me and be abrupt myself. That’ll teach them! And I would feel better!! The problem is the Lord would not be happy with that. He’d rather I suffer their nastiness with kindness and that hurts because I’m already hurting enough missing my baby. I think I just hit the crux of the matter.
Thank you
 
I don’t think you have to be a doormat; if you are being disrespected, you should certainly stand up for yourself. But “let not the sun go down upon your anger,” and take their bad attitudes home with you or lower yourself to their tactics. It may take time, but by your example maybe one or two of them will realize how hurtful their actions and words are and change their ways.

Also, how much more do you look forward to seeing and holding your baby each day, especially after dealing with these difficult folks all day? Sometimes an unpleasant situation in one place helps one to really see how blessed and fortunate they are in another.
 
Print out this quote by soon to be St. John Henry Newman. Read it every morning, keep it at your desk and read it during the day when your peace begins to ebb.

“God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons.

He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments.

Therefore, I will trust Him, whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.”
 
Wow that is beautiful. Thank you Little Lady. I will do it.
The one thing that crossed my mind is that my coworkers will see it and so I must behave accordingly and that would be added stress.
I hate that I had that thought but I don’t know what to say to it!
 
I would just be truthful.

You are working there for the free tuition benefit. Everyone takes a job for at least one of the benefits: money, health plan, retirement plan, education tuition assistant, training, career stepping stone, etc

It’s totally ok that you primary reason is the free tuition for your kids. It’s NOTHING be be ashamed of. Just like many others are there primarily for the pay check.

It’s ok to be honest about that fact that you would rather be home with you baby if you could be. You are 43 years old, it’s totally understandable that you would want to spend as much time with your baby as possible.

You are NOT working out of selfishness reasons - you are working out of selfless reasons for your kids.

God Bless you and PLEASE be at peace.
 
It does not matter what your coworkers think. Stop allowing them to live in your head, stop allowing them to take away your peace. If they see it, you never know if they have a struggle they are keeping secret and those words may help them heal.
 
In your previous thread you called me rude for stating you were overthinking things. But now you say your husband also says it. It is still my opinion based on what you’ve written here. Many of us work with difficult people in purely secular environments. It is reality. What works is being cheerful, a committed employee, shunning gossip, being friendly but not being disappointed when people aren’t warm back, and continuing to pray about the situation and offer it to God daily.
 
MarthaSo said:
don’t like people coming to my desk for chit chat, I just want to work in the background.
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I read that if you have earphones in your ears, people are less likely to try to talk with you.

So you might try wearing earphones. And then you might try having calming music that you like coming through the earphones as well 🙂
 
MarthaSo said:
if I feel terrible inside wouldn’t I sound fake if my eyes are dead?
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What I do in these situations is think that they are the ones who have a problem. Maybe they were not raised well, maybe they have a bad relationship, etc.

The point is to realize that if they are treating you badly, it is not because of you, but because of some lack or difficulty within them.

So pray for them when they act like jerks, and set a good example.

From time to time, you may be able to send a message, by complimenting them when they behave well.
MarthaSo said:
One coworker asks me all the time how I’m doing and after a brief response she just continues staring so I can say more
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At this point, ask her how she is doing 🙂

You are there under duress and are unhappy about it but part of working in an office is the human connection. Be friendly to your coworkers–they may be as miserable as you are, so try to lighten their loads by being friendly.

It is good not to neglect your work, but it is also good not to neglect the people around you.
 
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