What is/was God's intent for marriage?

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PS–I want to say that my dad was always faithful…he was always home…I remember that. He was a good father, and loved the Lord. My mom prayed the Rosary…even in her sickest moments, and somehow, (through the grace of God) they made it through…although, my dad smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day.😦 So, I suppose in some ways, it took its toll.

I will offer you this, PM, and anyone else going through something similiar…that satan is at play, waiting to pounce. And he looks for those weak moments…I know my dad had to be weakened at times. He was a very good looking man…and to not have a wife paying attention to him, I’m sure was hard for him. But, to the best of my sister’s and my knowledge…he remained faithful. He should be a saint.😦

Ok–enough of my family album for now.:rolleyes:
 
PennitentMan said:
Thank you. I know that she is struggling with that.

We don’t know yet, actually. We are doing test after test after test and seeing doctors, and specialists and all that, and no one has found an answer yet.

That makes it more difficlut too, we react to the symptoms, but we have no idea what it is yet.
Tests included iron levels, blood sugar, heart, hormones, thyroid, and a myriad of others, but nothing.
And yet, she is bedridden almost all the time now.
The tests had to be stopped since she is pregnant, so we’ll go back when the new little one is born.

I don’t know.
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My neighbor (this is really weird) back in PA had the same symptoms…they tested everything…even for Lyme disease…and eventually came up with fibromyalgia. He started taking ‘superfood’ vitaminds and seeing a chiropractor…and lo and behold…he got muuuuuch better. Maybe try herbal solutions…that would not hurt the baby…You should both check with her doctor, but I remember him having these same exact symptoms.
 
Umm…As the sick person in our marriage this is making me feel sad. I’m not even nearly as sick as I know I’m going to become. I don’t want my husband to feel jipped or lonely. I thought marriage was in sickness and in health? 😦
 
rayne89 said:
Umm…As the sick person in our marriage this is making me feel sad. I’m not even nearly as sick as I know I’m going to become. I don’t want my husband to feel jipped or lonely. I thought marriage was in sickness and in health? 😦
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I hear you, and marriage is definately in sickness and in health.

I love my wife and will never do anything to hurt her, and while I have a smile on at home, deep inside I long for the days when things were “normal”.

It’s not like I want to end the marriage, by any means, but it is not a walk in the park and I think that with this amount of one sided servitude, it’s only natura for those feelings to creep in from time to time.

Just like it’s a challenge for me to serve my wife and special-needs child 24-7, it’s a chllenge for my wife to be served by me. I know that she’s struggling from such feelings.

We’re not even talking about complaining about it, we are just sharing thoughts on the situation.

🙂
 
rayne89 said:
Umm…As the sick person in our marriage this is making me feel sad. I’m not even nearly as sick as I know I’m going to become. I don’t want my husband to feel jipped or lonely. I thought marriage was in sickness and in health? 😦
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I am sorry for saying those things…but I am speaking of how I viewed my dad. I, too, feel ‘jipped’ that my parents died when I turned 10…it’s a word I use, and probably I shouldn’t. I am coming at this from a selfish view, perhaps. (and the child looking in) Marriage is about sickness and health…I just think my mom and dad’s entire marriage was more about sickness, than health…and it just makes me wonder why it was so hard for them.

I am sorry if in any way, I hurt your feelings…and made you sad.😦 Please forgive me. Truly, I am not meaning that if a spouse gets sick…then the other spouse should feel jipped…it’s just something I wonder about with my dad. I just don’t understand what the intent for my mom and dad’s marriage was…if to live together not really as husband and wife…

I don’t know.
 
it’s just something I wonder about with my dad. I just don’t understand what the intent for my mom and dad’s marriage was…if to live together not really as husband and wife…
I don’t know.
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I think you can really rest assured in the thought that your parents had a great marriage.

I think you gotta look at the marriage as a whole.

For a certain time they definitely lived as husband and wife, as a married couple in every sense. They laughed together, snuggled together, shared thoughts, ideas, dreams with each other, and the most beautiful part, they shared their flesh and their souls with each other. By your dad’s actions in the later years, this seems to be a given for the younger years.

Your dad obviously loved your mom deeply, he stayed by her side all those years. They obviously were very much in love and were very close. Your dad would not have been able to care for her for so long if he didn’t care for her very deeply. So, their marriage must have been great in previous years to grow so close.

So, I would say that they did fulfil the intent of marriage, to a) unify two souls and to b) produce children, and by the sounds of things, they did both of those things beautifully. 🙂

I hope I conveyed my thoughts well enough.
 
In rethinking some of the things I typed about my parents, and in reading through your posts (and in reading your pm to me rayne) I realize that my parents had something that I hope I have when I get older…if I’m ever sick, I pray that my husband stands next to me, and I pray for the strength to take care of my husband, if he falls ill. I think PM, you said it very well…that they really loved one another. I look at old photos of them, pre my sister and me, and wow…they looked really happy…young…excited about life. It’s hard to say why my mom took such a downfall with her health–but, I realize that I perhaps viewed their marriage as one sided, but my mom was very much in love with my dad, all along. I know that she didn’t like not being about to do a lot of things with him…my sister grew resentful of my mom, and sometimes, I wonder if she has pushed some of that on me. But, I think that through my parents’ marriage, I saw sacrifice, and a true love for God, and the RCC.

I will admit–that when my marriages has had rough patches, I have asked God…‘why should I have to struggle anymore? I lost my parents as a kid…everything else should be smooth.’

God typically answers, in His soft voice…‘Are you familiar with my son, Jesus? His life was filled with struggles.’ Hard to ‘argue’ with that.

I suppose if God permitted smooth sailing always…would we ever grow strong through Him? Marriage does serve as a good ground for taking the focus off of myself, and placing it on my husband…
 
Whatevergirl suffering brings us closer to Christ. I lost my sister when I was 13, my mom became mentally ill, my hubby was an active alcoholic in the early years of our marriage. There’s a great little book by Mother Angelica I read many years back when I first returned to the church called Answers, Not Promises, you should get a hold of it. I have to tell when I was diagnosed with Crohn’s 4 years ago I had a “what the heck God!” moment. I mean I already had major heart problems, really wasn’t than enough?:mad:

But you know I’m still alive and kicking, I married the love of my life and have a beautiful daughter. My sister died when she was 21 and didn’t to experience any of that. So who am I to complain?

I think me getting sick with Crohns really made me realize my hubby and I had moved the “what have you done for me lately” phase of marriage and truly into the sacrificial love that is spoken about in Corithians. Crohn’s is a digestive disorder, I was vomiting and having bathroom issues for days on end in the hospital while they were still trying to figure out what was wrong with me. My husband stayed at my side, he’s the one that cleaned me up because I was so weak I couldn’t do it myself. He didn’t complain, he didn’t act grossed out, he just did it out of love for me. I still turn red think about what he did. Once I got better and mentioned it he just shrugged “you needed help, I’m your husband, that’s part of the deal.”

I realized all those nights I spent on my knee crying out to God as my husband battled alcoholism, all those why God moments - it had all come full circle. We had our trials by fire and it made us both realize without God we are nothing. I would lay down my life for my husband and he would do the same for me. Our journey together here is to sanctify each other, to be strong when the other was weak.

I had an emotional moment where I had to step back from this thread and gather myself together. Nobody wants to be someone elses burden. I think if I asked my husband if he felt cheated he would tell me I was being ridiculous.

We have some awesome memories -my husband was my prom date 😛 . God willing we’ll have many more. But even when I’m vegging out in bed too tired to really do anything he can still make me laugh and we can still be silly. I thank God for that, and for him. I pray for God to always give my husband strength because it’s going to get worse before it gets better. I’m rambling… I know this we are blessed with happiness and a deep love for each other. I see people with health and wealth who are lonely or bitter or miserable -so I’ll keep my life and all it’s circumstances.
 
I really thank you for your post (and pm)…I agree…and think that marriage has helped me to go beyond me, and support someone else…through his hurts, and pains in life…and be his greatest cheerleader, when things are going great.

You sound like you have a great marriage…how neat that your dh was your prom date.😃 Aw!!
 
The Catholic Church teaches that marriage is for
  1. Mutual help and support
  2. The procreation and education of children
  3. The mutual sanctification of the spouses.
Alice von Hildebrand once gave a wonderful talk on marriage and she spoke of “love at first sight” and she said something beautiful about that. She said that a couple newly in love is given the privelege of seeing each other as God sees their potential. And when they marry, they are to be the Face of Christ in each other’s lives, and showing each other the love of Christ, they bring each other into the reality of becoming that image God created them to be.

When you are shown love, it makes you holier. When you love someone it makes you holier.

In sickness and health…

I read those stories of the spouses who take care of sick partners and I don’t feel sorry for them. They were living out their wedding vows in admirable and holy fashion. I wonder what it must feel like to be loved and taken care of like that.

Does the spouse resent it? Well… do you parents resent taking care of a sick child? Would you resent taking care of your sick spouse?

In caring for someone, you are sanctified too. Sometimes those are the holiest of marriages. And a model for an age where people dump spouses who become ill or old.

Marriage isn’t supposed to be a chore. When both parties understand what it’s supposed to be, it can be heaven on earth.
 
whatevergirl said:
I am sorry for saying those things…but I am speaking of how I viewed my dad. I, too, feel ‘jipped’ that my parents died when I turned 10…it’s .
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I understand these feelings because at different times in my life, I have felt similar. My own dad went to Vietnamn and died shortly after my birth. I never saw him. And as I have written in other posts on other threads, my mom had some serious mental issues. Sometimes I see women my age taking their moms out for lunch and I feel very sad that I couldn’t have a similar relationship with my mom.

I think that it is important to concentrate on what is good in your life right now. That is what I do.

At least you know that your parents loved you and one another. Some people come from homes in which they are told that they are mistakes and are unwanted.😦 As crazy as my mom was, I knew that( in her way )she loved me very much.
 
deb1 said:
I understand these feelings because at different times in my life, I have felt similar. My own dad went to Vietnamn and died shortly after my birth. I never saw him. And as I have written in other posts on other threads, my mom had some serious mental issues. Sometimes I see women my age taking their moms out for lunch and I feel very sad that I couldn’t have a similar relationship with my mom.

I think that it is important to concentrate on what is good in your life right now. That is what I do.

At least you know that your parents loved you and one another. Some people come from homes in which they are told that they are mistakes and are unwanted.😦 As crazy as my mom was, I knew that( in her way )she loved me very much.
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I’m sorry for your loss, deb. I had no idea. If there was one thing I wish I could change, it would be the way I think about the loss of my parents…I pray about it, and I have good and bad days. But, there are times, and I think this is a byproduct of what happened, when I look at what I don’t have…because of the losses, I guess. It’s a tool of the devil, I know this!:o

To Liberano–you posted something that struck me…Marriage is not a chore. Not that I think it’s a chore, but I would say that there are times when I might have thought that.😊 Wow…reading it in print, really helped me to put into words how I feel sometimes. And, feelings are not a good guage for spirituality. I went to Confession a few months ago, and the priest said…‘you and your husband are one flesh. it’s NOT about you doing more than him, or your husband doing more than you…think of yourselves as one flesh, and you will stop the struggle.’ That really helped me. But I want to thank you for your post, because it is something I will remind myself of, when I start acting like a brat to my husband.😦
 
Dig out your copy of the CCC and begin at 2201.

I. THE FAMILY IN GOD’S PLAN
The nature of the family
[2201](javascript:openWindow(‘cr/2201.htm’)😉 The conjugal community is established upon the consent of the spouses. Marriage and the family are ordered to the good of the spouses and to the procreation and education of children. The love of the spouses and the begetting of children create among members of the same family personal relationships and primordial responsibilities.
[2202](javascript:openWindow(‘cr/2202.htm’)😉 A man and a woman united in marriage, together with their children, form a family. This institution is prior to any recognition by public authority, which has an obligation to recognize it. It should be considered the normal reference point by which the different forms of family relationship are to be evaluated. [2203](javascript:openWindow(‘cr/2203.htm’)😉 In creating man and woman, God instituted the human family and endowed it with its fundamental constitution. Its members are persons equal in dignity. For the common good of its members and of society, the family necessarily has manifold responsibilities, rights, and duties.
 
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