FightingFat:
I think it’s really hard when the Church interfers in this sort of thing- a really private, intimate thing between a man and his wife. It messes with your loyalties and emotions.
I would offer that this presents a window of grace into where one’s loyalties and emotions primarily reside. Jesus make it clear to His would be followers (today as then) that the cost of discipleship is total abandonment to Him.
The spiritual fathers (such as St. Ignatius) refer to this struggle of our own personal allegiances/preferences over those of God as “inordinate attachments”, and consider it a grace when the Holy Spirit offers the lucid conviction and choice to transform and purify our motives and walk with Christ. Lest, one becomes as the young rich man in the gospel (Matt. 19:16-29) who walks away sad because He refused in His personal encounter with Jesus to accept what was demanded of him to “be perfect” as a condition to “come follow me” as a disciple to Jesus.
Jesus made quite clear the conditions of discipleship when our personal, private preferences conflicted with His [the Church He founded] teachings – His exhaustive demand made it clear that nothing was off limits.
“He summoned the crowd with his disciples and said to them, "Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and that of the gospel will save it.”
Mark 8:34-35
"If any one comes to me without hating his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.”
Luke 14:26-27