What should I do?

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pianoplayingmom

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My ex-husband has been living with someone outside of marriage for 2 years and he told me recently that they decided it was time to get married. So, they are getting “married” in a couple of months. He is Catholic, she is not. They are not getting married in the Church but rather in a Protestant church to appease her. He doesn’t believe it is necessary to remarry in the Church. He left the Church a long time ago and seems to mock Her teachings whenever it comes up. I believe all of this is causing great scandal among our children. Our daughter is living with her fiance and she will not be married in the Church. One of our sons is living with his girlfriend. I’ve told our children that, according to Catholic teaching, what they are doing is wrong. They both respectfully listened to me and then continued on with their lives. Is it my duty/responsibility to tell my ex-husband that what he is doing and about to do is a sin? Or should I remain silent? It all makes me intensely sad. I keep praying for all of them, that they will one day seek the Truth. Any helpful (name removed by moderator)ut would be greatly appreciated!
 
No, it is not your responsibility. Your ex has made his bed.

Continue to be a conscience for your children and pray for them.
 
Agreed. You should, however, consider telling your children that what your husband is doing is wrong, if that is not already crystal clear to them.
 
You have done a good job to admonish those involved. But ultimately, other people make their own choices. You need not feel like you need to be sole instrument of truth in their lives . Don’t feel like you are somehow wholly responsible in saving them and If you have honestly done what is in your power, sit back in hope and trust and let god do what is in his power.
 
Catechism of the Catholic Church

1868 Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:
  • by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
  • by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
  • by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
  • by protecting evil-doers.
 
You refer to him as your EX-husband. I cannot imagine why you would even feel it’s your business to talk to him about his personal spiritual life or his future marriage. However, you were not clear if this man is actually your husband by marriage in the Church and you are only civilly divorced? In that case the issue for you is whether to apply for an annulment.
 
“Knock and it will be opened.”

Notice he didn’t say “Knock and I’ll think about it.”

He made a promise to YOU, that it WILL be opened.

But on the condition that he hears you knocking.

Are you knocking? or are you just tapping?

Tapping won’t do it. You have to KNOCK loud.

Try 45 decades of the rosary every day, and 45 decades of the chaplet of the
Divine Mercy every day.

That’s knocking.

You might sprinkle this with a few hours of fasting on one day of the week, say
from noon to three in honor of his passion and death.

The knocking is getting louder.

How about spiritual reading of the Bible for 15 minutes a day.

Louder and louder.

Some time spent in front of the Blessed Sacrament each week in reparation for all
the bad he is receiving.

Getting louder.

Morning, night prayers, meal prayers

Knockles are now beginning to hurt.

And of course He didn’t say when, only that He will.
 
Margie9 said:
You refer to him as your EX-husband. I cannot imagine why you would even feel it’s your business to talk to him about his personal spiritual life or his future marriage. However, you were not clear if this man is actually your husband by marriage in the Church and you are only civilly divorced? In that case the issue for you is whether to apply for an annulment.
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We were granted an annulment a few years ago. He’s the father of my children and someone I care about. What he’s doing is affecting our children. However, I think 1ke is correct. His soul is not my responsibility. I will pray for my children and continue to speak the truth to them…and I will pray for him.

Thanks for all your responses, everyone.
 
pianoplayingmom said:
We were granted an annulment a few years ago. He’s the father of my children and someone I care about. What he’s doing is affecting our children. However, I think 1ke is correct. His soul is not my responsibility. I will pray for my children and continue to speak the truth to them…and I will pray for him.

Thanks for all your responses, everyone.
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Exactomundo.

St. Monica prayed for a very, very long time and look what happened. 🙂 Hopefully your prayers will be answered in a shorter time span.👍

Correction: he is not “getting remarried outside the church”, he is getting married outside the Catholic Church. Your marriage was granted a declaration of nullity, which means it’s like it never happened in the first place. In a civil sense, yes, it is a remarriage.

I wouldn’t be too hard on him in terms of him getting married. Granted, it’s not ideal but is better than continuing not being married and living together. And yes, it would be considered a marriage, not a “marriage”. Not a sacramental marriage, but he never had that to begin with, he annulment being evidence of that.

It’s not like getting married in a protestant church is the end of the world. It’s better to be a good protestant than a poor Christian altogether. And who knows…someday he and his wife might come home to the Catholic Church.
 
fred_conty said:
“Knock and it will be opened.”

Notice he didn’t say “Knock and I’ll think about it.”

He made a promise to YOU, that it WILL be opened.

But on the condition that he hears you knocking.

Are you knocking? or are you just tapping?

Tapping won’t do it. You have to KNOCK loud.

Try 45 decades of the rosary every day, and 45 decades of the chaplet of the
Divine Mercy every day.

That’s knocking.

You might sprinkle this with a few hours of fasting on one day of the week, say
from noon to three in honor of his passion and death.

The knocking is getting louder.

How about spiritual reading of the Bible for 15 minutes a day.

Louder and louder.

Some time spent in front of the Blessed Sacrament each week in reparation for all
the bad he is receiving.

Getting louder.

Morning, night prayers, meal prayers

Knockles are now beginning to hurt.

And of course He didn’t say when, only that He will.
Click to expand...
no one does this.
 
I wouldn’t leap to the conclusion that your children’s choices are based on their dad’s behavior. I know plenty of people whose parents’ marriages went on to last for life who made the same decisions your children are making.

Since you’ve done the duty of admonishment, you may now switch to encouragement. Encourage your children to have a prayer life, encourage your children to go to Mass, and encourage them to do works of charity and give alms. Do your best to find things that they are doing right, so that when the topic is spirituality the verdict from you has something besides negatives. Also, share the good things that come to you from your own faith. Pray for them, yes, but you might want to see them as people you are in a position to evangelize.

What would have been is water under the bridge. Look forward to what may yet be, and how you can help the Holy Spirit bring that about. You have to tell the truth, but you also catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Try to include both. It is Good News, after all. Don’t let that part of the message get lost.
 
EasterJoy said:
I wouldn’t leap to the conclusion that your children’s choices are based on their dad’s behavior. I know plenty of people whose parents’ marriages went on to last for life who made the same decisions your children are making.

Since you’ve done the duty of admonishment, you may now switch to encouragement. Encourage your children to have a prayer life, encourage your children to go to Mass, and encourage them to do works of charity and give alms. Do your best to find things that they are doing right, so that when the topic is spirituality the verdict from you has something besides negatives. Also, share the good things that come to you from your own faith. Pray for them, yes, but you might want to see them as people you are in a position to evangelize.

What would have been is water under the bridge. Look forward to what may yet be, and how you can help the Holy Spirit bring that about. You have to tell the truth, but you also catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Try to include both. It is Good News, after all. Don’t let that part of the message get lost.
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Thank you. You are right.
 
Newbie2 said:
Exactomundo.

I wouldn’t be too hard on him in terms of him getting married. Granted, it’s not ideal but is better than continuing not being married and living together. And yes, it would be considered a marriage, not a “marriage”. Not a sacramental marriage, but he never had that to begin with, he annulment being evidence of that.

It’s not like getting married in a protestant church is the end of the world. It’s better to be a good protestant than a poor Christian altogether. And who knows…someday he and his wife might come home to the Catholic Church.
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I think there would be those in Church authority who would vehemently disagree with you. Marriage outside of the Church is considered adultery and turning one’s back on the Church is apostasy. Adultery/fornication and apostasy are considered mortal sins.

As I have said, I will follow 1ke’s advice.
 
pianoplayingmom said:
I think there would be those in Church authority who would vehemently disagree with you. Marriage outside of the Church is considered adultery and turning one’s back on the Church is apostasy. Adultery/fornication and apostasy are considered mortal sins.

As I have said, I will follow 1ke’s advice.
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Disagree with me on which point?

Marriage outside the RCC is Adultery? If that’s what you’re saying, that is incorrect.

Marriage outside the (Universal) Church is adultery? As in a civil marriage being adultry?

Again, this is incorrect.

You said you and your husband’s marriage was annuled; that means you were never really married in the eyes of the Church. He is free to marry someone else.

Now fornication, yep, sex outside of marriage before he and his “other” get married, that is serious (mortal) sin. Apostasy as well, although none of us know his heart, and it’s not up to us to judge if he is through with the RCC (serious enough as it might be) or if he will soon or eventually become Protestant.

Yeah, I know, once Catholic always Catholic, but a Catholic “turning” Protestant isn’t necessarily apostasy.

The problem here is not as you say adultery, but more so the apparent absence of a dispensation that he needs to marry a non-Catholic. Of course with he shunning the RCC, that will be unlikely to happen.

I would guess he has a pretty good idea that what he is doing is wrong.
 
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