What should I take into account before asking her to marry me?

[Kylar_Vonzain]

What kind of things should a man take into account when deciding when and if to propose? I am in a relationship with the girl of my dreams, a girl whom I love with all my heart and who has helped bring me closer to Christ than I have ever been (it was through her example, first as my friend, and then as my girlfriend, that I converted to Christianity and have now decided to enter RCIA… though in saying that, I do not wish to diminish the huge impact of my other Catholic friends). She is an amazing person, with a passion for life and God that humbles me and a desire to do good and change the world that is inspiring, and I want to be there to help her stay strong in that in whatever way I can. I want my children to grow up with mother who loves God and humanity as much as she does, and who will always push them to put people first and foremost. I honestly want to marry her, but I realize that wanting is not enough to make a decision which truly has her best interests in mind.

We’re both young: I just turned twenty, she won’t be twenty-one for another few months. We’re both about to start our third year of college (we met at and go to the same school), and we’re both hoping to go to grad school afterwards. And admittedly, we haven’t been dating for that long: we’ve been together for six months (although we were close friends for a year before that), a time span which seems short compared to our two and three year relationships which proceeded college. Also, and very importantly, I am not yet a Catholic… in fact, I don’t even start RCIA until September.

On a personal and a spiritual level, I think that we are great for each other, and I am honestly ready to give myself to her in marriage. But there are more than just personal and spiritual concerns. Should I wait until we are done with college? What about finances? I was listening to Catholic Answers Live, and I heard one of the guest speakers say that one of the tests of manhood is being able to afford a mortgage: I won’t be able to do that while I am still in college, and I don’t know what financial situation graduate school would bring. What about children? Is it good in God’s eyes to put off marriage, and thus, put off having children, until you are in a better position to support them, or is it better to open oneself up to that gift and make the best with what He gives you? I want to be a responsible husband and father… but at the same time, I have been told that being a responsible Christian means not ignoring the people that God sends your way and waiting for someone or sometime that is better.

If anyone has any advice to help me with my confusion, I would be very grateful.

 

[Keikiolu]

What kind of things should a man take into account when deciding when and if to propose? I am in a relationship with the girl of my dreams, a girl whom I love with all my heart and who has helped bring me closer to Christ than I have ever been (it was through her example, first as my friend, and then as my girlfriend, that I converted to Christianity and have now decided to enter RCIA… though in saying that, I do not wish to diminish the huge impact of my other Catholic friends). She is an amazing person, with a passion for life and God that humbles me and a desire to do good and change the world that is inspiring, and I want to be there to help her stay strong in that in whatever way I can. I want my children to grow up with mother who loves God and humanity as much as she does, and who will always push them to put people first and foremost. I honestly want to marry her, but I realize that wanting is not enough to make a decision which truly has her best interests in mind.

We’re both young: I just turned twenty, she won’t be twenty-one for another few months. We’re both about to start our third year of college (we met at and go to the same school), and we’re both hoping to go to grad school afterwards. And admittedly, we haven’t been dating for that long: we’ve been together for six months (although we were close friends for a year before that), a time span which seems short compared to our two and three year relationships which proceeded college. Also, and very importantly, I am not yet a Catholic… in fact, I don’t even start RCIA until September.

On a personal and a spiritual level, I think that we are great for each other, and I am honestly ready to give myself to her in marriage. But there are more than just personal and spiritual concerns. Should I wait until we are done with college? What about finances? I was listening to Catholic Answers Live, and I heard one of the guest speakers say that one of the tests of manhood is being able to afford a mortgage: I won’t be able to do that while I am still in college, and I don’t know what financial situation graduate school would bring. What about children? Is it good in God’s eyes to put off marriage, and thus, put off having children, until you are in a better position to support them, or is it better to open oneself up to that gift and make the best with what He gives you? I want to be a responsible husband and father… but at the same time, I have been told that being a responsible Christian means not ignoring the people that God sends your way and waiting for someone or sometime that is better.

If anyone has any advice to help me with my confusion, I would be very grateful.

OK. The most obvious answer to the title of this thread is: EVERYTHING!

That said, talk to a priest in depth about the sacrament of marriage.

REALLY understand that it is a PERMANENT commitment…ll All else will need to be sublimated to that commitment. ALL ELSE…!!

Once the enormity of that reality has sunk in,… go talk to your priest again, and talk to everyone that he wants you to talk to.

I’m not really sure what your “confusion” is? The only question is, do you want and need to make this permanent commitment or not?

Once that question is answered (in the affirmative), all other “issues” will work themselves out, and in the best way possible for you and your betrothed.

So,… go talk to some experts on the sacraments, and quit asking these REALLY hard questions of ninnies like me,… OK…!?

Mahalo ke Akua…!
E pili mau na pomaikai ia oe. Aloha nui.

 

[Kylar_Vonzain]

I guess I could rephrase my question simply as “If the answer to that question IS affirmative, is that enough?”

That said, you’re right: I should go talk to a priest about this.