M
marie_of_god
Guest
I have been a faithful member of a lay order for about 15 years. I served in elected positions of authority several times. The community I was in was not healthy. There were power struggles and pulls all the time. As a result, I was lied about. I could easily prove my innocents and perhaps restore my good name- but it would mean exposing 15 others as trouble makers, with serious evidence that would absolutely clear me, but cause them to be explunged from not only the community but the order.
I am not interested in hurting anyone. So I took isolate status. But nearly every night, I have dreams about these persons…and how they continue to harm others. Sometimes I think it is just because I did not resolve it. Other times I think or ask myself: What does God desire from me? I let them destroy my good name, and walked away. I gave them what they wanted. But I felt that being in the presence of such evil was destroy far more than a simple reputation- it was harming my interior life of prayer, and I left to remove my soul from that.
Friends who remain, and some of those candidates I taught in various levels of their formation, call me a lot. They are hurt by what continues to be going on. I tell them to keep themselves our of the political or gossip circles. To try to see goodness in everyone…and things long these lines. I don’t want to have my experiences weighing them down or confusing their experiences. that would not be right. I try to change the subject and try to encourage their vocation and love for God.
What can I now do to obtain some peace? I have confessed having bad feelings, and I admit I was deeply hurt by the depth of untruthfulness and mean things done. I mostly feel at peace about that now, but I still don’t have complete peace? Could someone wiser than me help me to see what I am so obviously missing in myself? I know I can not fix the other things… I NEED PRAYER AND SOME FRANK ADVICE- PRIESTLY if at all possible.
Please help. I will do whatever it takes.
I am not interested in hurting anyone. So I took isolate status. But nearly every night, I have dreams about these persons…and how they continue to harm others. Sometimes I think it is just because I did not resolve it. Other times I think or ask myself: What does God desire from me? I let them destroy my good name, and walked away. I gave them what they wanted. But I felt that being in the presence of such evil was destroy far more than a simple reputation- it was harming my interior life of prayer, and I left to remove my soul from that.
Friends who remain, and some of those candidates I taught in various levels of their formation, call me a lot. They are hurt by what continues to be going on. I tell them to keep themselves our of the political or gossip circles. To try to see goodness in everyone…and things long these lines. I don’t want to have my experiences weighing them down or confusing their experiences. that would not be right. I try to change the subject and try to encourage their vocation and love for God.
What can I now do to obtain some peace? I have confessed having bad feelings, and I admit I was deeply hurt by the depth of untruthfulness and mean things done. I mostly feel at peace about that now, but I still don’t have complete peace? Could someone wiser than me help me to see what I am so obviously missing in myself? I know I can not fix the other things… I NEED PRAYER AND SOME FRANK ADVICE- PRIESTLY if at all possible.
Please help. I will do whatever it takes.