What should we expect on a Retrouville weekend?

[maryalene]

My husband and I will be going to a retrouville weekend next month. I was wondering if anyone could provide some insight on how the weekend is structured and what to expect. Thanks!

 

[rayne89]

It’s been several years for me since Retrouvaille. Basically there is about 3 or 4 couples and a priest leading the weekend. The couples are past Retrouvaille attendees who went through a weekend just like you will be.

A couple will give a talk referring to their own struggles in marriage (or the priest at times), discuss “dialoguing” a written way of communication they will teach you, and give you a question to dialogue on. Each partner goes to a seperate area to respond to the question in a provided notebook, the note books are exchanged privately and you have a short discussion about each others response (also in private -I believe it’s about 10-20 minutes if I remember correctly.) The you return to the main area for another talk and it continues in the same pattern.

Meals are provided (although we did pack some snacks . ) Confession is available, and Mass. The hosting couples and the priest are also available for private discussion with you and your husband, or either one of you alone if you are having stuggles you need assistance with.

Retrouvaille saved my marriage. My God Bless you and your husband with healing, I will pray for you both.

 

[bjj]

Rayne89 seems to have a good idea of the Retrouville weekend. My husband and I attended probably 5-6 years ago and the format was exactly as Rayne89 explained. Please do not be discouraged with the writing, it is easier than you think. Unfortuanately, my husband does not like writing and the process did not continue for us or help us. We are still married and have just overcome MANY obstacles in a hard marriage, I pray that we are strong enough to continue to work on our marriage and make it better with each year that passes. Good luck to you and your spouse, Retrouville is a step in the right direction. Our week end retreat was an experience we thouroughly enjoyed. God Bless You and Your Spouse!

 

[maryalene]

Thanks guys! I am worried that my DH thinks it will end up being a group therapy type thing where we all sit in a circle and bare our souls to one another. I am sure he will be relieved to hear that that is not the case.

 

[sparkle]

Good Luck and Blessings to you and hubby Maryealne! Great you’re going! We’re going to Marriage Encounter next month too, at the much given urging and advice from nice folks here. Pray for us too!

 

[CARose]

I’ve been trying for many years to get my husband to attend a Retrouvaille weekend. Does anyone here have any ideas of how to encourage him to attend if he’s currently unwilling? We currently have little - no communication in our marriage and he doesn’t seem interested in resolving this other than the potential of his leaving.

CARose

 

[rayne89]

sparkle:

Good Luck and Blessings to you and hubby Maryealne! Great you’re going! We’re going to Marriage Encounter next month too, at the much given urging and advice from nice folks here. Pray for us too!

That’s great Sparkle!

 

[rayne89]

CARose:

I’ve been trying for many years to get my husband to attend a Retrouvaille weekend. Does anyone here have any ideas of how to encourage him to attend if he’s currently unwilling? We currently have little - no communication in our marriage and he doesn’t seem interested in resolving this other than the potential of his leaving.

CARose

Generally men feel like these types of retreats are a way for their wives to continue their “home improvement project” on them. That they will be ganged up on , told they are doing everything wrong and expected to change to suit their wife.

I would speak only in terms of yourself.

“I really feel this would help me be a better wife to you.”

“I really feel this will help me see to your perspective better.”

“I would like to do this for you so that you can be more satisfied with our relationship/marriage.”

“I realize I have difficulty listening to your side on things, I think would really to be more understanding to your feelings matters.”

“I really like the structure of this weekend because it is very private, I wouldn’t have to share my thoughts (don’t use the word feelings-guys avoid feelings like the plague) with a whole group of people.”

“It makes me more comfortable that the presenters of the weekend are husbands and wives that gone through the weekend with similar struggles instead of a psychologist guru who gives us a speech on all I’m doing wrong.”

“I really would like to try this, it certainly can’t make things worse but it could make things better, what do we have to lose? I would like you to be happier in our marriage.”

And if all else fails you can tell him it greatly improves sexual intimacy.

By the way all of the above statements are true about the weekend -even the sexual one.

I will pray for you and your husband.
Does he give you his objections for not wanting to go?

 

[maryalene]

CARose:

I’ve been trying for many years to get my husband to attend a Retrouvaille weekend. Does anyone here have any ideas of how to encourage him to attend if he’s currently unwilling? We currently have little - no communication in our marriage and he doesn’t seem interested in resolving this other than the potential of his leaving.

CARose

I know I have been wanting to go to Retrouville for more than a year. However, DH has been very resistant. As Rayne said, I think he envisions it as a weekend where he’ll be picked to pieces and told what a lousy husband he is. I suppose if I thought the weekend was like that, I wouldn’t want to go either.

When we got into a big fight a few weeks ago (over something small), we ended up discussing the fact that our communication skills are lacking. I took that opportunity to say that “I think Retrouville might help us both communicate better. I’ll look into when the next weekend is.” He didn’t say no (didn’t say yes either) but I took that opening to sign us up and sent him an email with the details. It probably wasn’t the best way to go about it, but I knew that if I mentioned it to him again, he would say no. So I just signed us and told him ‘we’re going.’

I don’t think he’s thrilled about going, but he’s going. He’s not convinced that there is anything wrong with our marriage that we can’t handle ourself. I told him that even if we didn’t learn anything new on the weekend, at least we would have a weekend together without the kids.

 

[CARose]

Maryalene,

Congratulations on your managing to schedule a weekend for your husband and yourself. I pray that you and your husband grow in your marriage through your efforts.

Rayne,

Thanks for your suggestions. Pray that the opportunity arises in which I can utilize your advise.

CARose

 

[sparkle]

CARose:

I’ve been trying for many years to get my husband to attend a Retrouvaille weekend. Does anyone here have any ideas of how to encourage him to attend if he’s currently unwilling? We currently have little - no communication in our marriage and he doesn’t seem interested in resolving this other than the potential of his leaving.

CARose

Yes. Tell him it will be definately cheaper than the $100.00 per hour fee the therapist charges for an in-home counseling session, that you’re going to write a check for, when they come over to talk with you both soon. Ask him does he prefer a few sessions of this or the weekend Retrouvaille? Either way CARose, it’s great you know to get some help in some way. All marriages I think are worth saving.!!!

Blessings~

 

[Teakafrog]

We are volunteers for Retrouvaille, and can attest to the fact that it WORKS if you can both just open up and be honest with each other in the process. There is absolutely no group sharing, unless you want. You have no obligation to say anything at all to anyone except your spouse while you are there. What Retrouvaille does is teach you communication skills that most couples don’t know about or aren’t using with each other. Then there is follow-up, the post sessions, for 6 weeks, and then a monthly CORE (continuing our ret. experience)
meetings that are the basis for continuing your communication with each other and healing your relationship. Please attend, and tell everyone you know to attend! It is literally the best thing that ever happened to our marriage. God sent us there, no doubt.

 

[Brendan]

My wife and I were on the team that gave Marriage Encounter weekends (had to quit that ministry due to time constraits when I began studying for the diaconate).

Retrouvaille grew out of the Marriage Encounter format, couple would attend M.E. weekends looking to save their marriage, something that M.E. is NOT for.

The format is very similar though.

Ranye gave an excellent description.

You will listen to a presentation by a couple who found themselves in need of Retrouvaille telling of their experiences, a priest who is a member of the team will offer the insights of the Church.

After the talk, you will return to your room and write about it. You will share your letter with you spouse in the privacy of your room.

After that, you will return to the main room for the next presentation.

The only one you bare your soul to is your spouse. Retrouvaille is NOT some ‘group help’. The Sacrament is between you, God and your spouse and those is the only people you will be sharing with.

The whole idea of Retrouvaille is to open safe and loving lines of communication between you and your spouse. Your husband is not married to you, not some large group of people , so there is no need or desire for him to bear his heart to them, only you.

 

[Brendan]

sparkle:

Good Luck and Blessings to you and hubby Maryealne! Great you’re going! We’re going to Marriage Encounter next month too, at the much given urging and advice from nice folks here. Pray for us too!

Best of Luck on your M.E. weekend, I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time!!!

We’ll pray for 'ya

 

[leaner]

So can/should you do a weekend like this if your relationship is in a “good” place? I feel very happy and blessed right now, and really always have been – we’ve had our share of struggles, that’s for sure – many have left after what we’ve been thru, but we always seem to pray our way back to eachother and work to fix the issues – my DH’s parents are in the middle of a possible divorce that’s been coming for years, and I’m wondering if a weekend away like this or an encounter weekend might just be good for us to remind us our strengths and weaknesses and that the best things in life (like eachother and God) don’t come easily, but with work and appreciation…etc. Is Retrouville more for troubled relationships? Tx…!

 

[Princess_Abby]

leaner:

So can/should you do a weekend like this if your relationship is in a “good” place? I feel very happy and blessed right now, and really always have been – we’ve had our share of struggles, that’s for sure – many have left after what we’ve been thru, but we always seem to pray our way back to eachother and work to fix the issues – my DH’s parents are in the middle of a possible divorce that’s been coming for years, and I’m wondering if a weekend away like this or an encounter weekend might just be good for us to remind us our strengths and weaknesses and that the best things in life (like eachother and God) don’t come easily, but with work and appreciation…etc. Is Retrouville more for troubled relationships? Tx…!

If your marriage is happy but a normal relationship in which there are struggles, trials, tribulations, etc, you can try a Marriage Encounter weekend.

Retrovaille is more for marriages that are on the brink of divorce.

 

[leaner]

Yep, that’s what I was a’wonderin! Thanks!

 

[CARose]

Leaner,

Based on what you’ve shared in your post, I think it would be a great idea to look into a Marriage Encounter weekend. They are exactly the thing to help a healthy marriage stay healthy and grow in the strengths that are already there.

Sparkle,

Thanks for the suggestion on how to encourage my husband to go to Retrouvaille. I’m sorry, I didn’t see it until just now. (somehow I wasn’t getting info that there had been activity on this thread).

I’ve been wondering though, why did you decide to take a Marriage Encounter weekend rather than the Retrouvaille retreat? My parent’s marriage was in trouble back in the 70’s, shortly before there was a Retrouvaille option, and the Marriage Encounter was actually detrimental to the weekend because they saw what they didn’t have that healthy marriages should have. I think it’s kind of like tossing someone into the deep end of the pool when they’re just learning to swim, or worse yet, if they’ve already had a bad experience with water.

There may be reasons that ME is the right thing for you at this particular time, I just thought I’d ask.

Take care of yourself & God Bless,

CARose

 

[Brendan]

leaner:

So can/should you do a weekend like this if your relationship is in a “good” place? I Is Retrouville more for troubled relationships? Tx…!

You’ve just hit on what Marriage Encounter is for.

It’s for couples with healthy marriages that want to explore a deeper relationship with each other together with Christ.

As CARose noted, couples who are looking to save or repair a marriage should look to Retrouvaille.

They both have the same format, but they cover different things (healing and problem solving vs growing together). M.E. assumes a deeper level of trust and communication than is commonly present in those needing a Retrouvaille weekend.