What sins done by others makes you personally angry?

[littlechicken]

It’s been a really long time since I last went to any kind of formal confession, but isn’t there some sort of protocol involved, whereby the priest is not entitled to demonstrate a personal judgement of the confessing person?

Anyway, ‘sins’ that make me angry are any that demonstrate a lack of empathy. If any person does to someone else something they would not want done, or could not tolerate being done, to themselves, I find myself feeling angry and indignant, not only at the action itself, but at the attitude that permitted the action. As a nonbeliever, I might add, I find religious belief an insufficient excuse for a violation of human needs and rights.

Truly, I recognize that Priests are people too. The life I lived before my conversion was of such that I hurt a lot of people, and that extended to people in my now Parish Community. For me, I am simply reaping what I sowed, and though it is difficult to deal with at times, and I whine and complain, it is just to at least some degree.
It isn’t easy. After my RCIA completed, and my Confirmation, I simply stopped attending for years because it was so difficult to keep going where I wasn’t wanted. (small community, and for reasons I can’t go into, moving away isn’t an option).
Added to the problem, is that while I admit I’ve done many hurtful things in my life, is that others, have embellished and added to those stories. And what can I say? These are “credible” people, whereas I am someone who is an “obvious” sinner. I found that attempting to defend myself, with few character witnesses, was simply a waste of time and energy. People have preconceived notions that they refuse to let go of. If people were to dislike me, and reject my presence for the things I have done, which are bad enough, it wouldn’t bother me near as much as it does that I know many reject me on what they think I’ve done.
And so be. It is the life I must live. I find myself more and more concerned these days, that these people have to put up with me, rather than I them. It must hurt, I must be a reminder every time I attend Mass, of the pain I’ve caused others.
When I attend Mass, I try to be as quiet and as unobtrusive as possible. I keep to myself, and walk out as soon as Mass has ended. I try, very hard, to not be an offense to those who are there.
So, I am one of those who certainly appeared to lack empathy. I am one of those who hurt others. And I am sorry. What can a person do once they have found themselves buried?
I don’t think I would do any differently. And that I have to acknowlege. If a loved one of mine had been hurt by someone in the same manner in which I have hurt others, I don’t know how forgiving or accepting of that person I would be either.

The greatest empathy comes from respecting life, all life, at all stages. I do believe that.
As an abuse survivor from my earliest memories, I know that if someone had respected me as a human, from my earliest beginning, that if we lived in a culture that respected all life, my life, the course it took, would have been much different.

Why? Because I would have put others first, instead of me.

I am glad though, that I was born. I am grateful, that though the remainder of my years may be filled with loneliness and suffering, they are still days to be thankful for, and perhaps I can atone somewhat.
It is my hope and prayer.

Sorry about the rant…
May you have a day filled with blessings,
littlechicken

 

[Bill_7154]

I have to agree, I was just reading that they think they’ve found the body of Jessica Ridgeway, the little 10 year old girl that came up missing in Colorado, and have been crying my eyes out since.
Between the tears, well, I’ve never felt such intense loathing in all my life thinking that someone could harm a little one so horribly.
When I say intense loathing, I mean it, it is gnawing and deep.
Please pray for the little girl’s loved ones.

Although I have not had a family member raped on molested (other than myself) I can certainly understand not only being angry at such sins/sinners…but also know of the extreme hate and loathing toward the individual who did this to me, as well as all people who do this.

Before I came back to the Catholic Church about 5 months ago I was quite proud of my stance of being for street justice and vengeance against child molestors. There were times in my life I was overwhelmed with fantasies of torturing such individuals and took great pleasure in these fantasies.

Since coming back to the Church and confessing my sins and doing pennance, this rage and desire to seek vengeance for children who were molested has been lifted from my heart. I now have found the ability to separate those sins from the people who commit them and no longer desire to seek retribution or impose vengeance upon them. That is an example of the power that God and Jesus Christ have, to remove deeply engrained hate towards individuals or groups of individuals who do horrible acts towards innocents. I am amased I can even publicly speak of thig being removed from me as I was obsessed with it during a period in my life. Jesu Christ, my Lord and Savior, has stepped into my life and removed this obsession, something I didn’t think was possible (nor did I want it removed really- and i know this is a sin too).

God Bless,
Bill

 

[Bill_7154]

A lot of the people that are thinking that they are going to heaven are in for a server shock when judgement day comes. Wise men strive for holiness in fear and trembling.

The greatness of Christianity is the opportunity to admit that you are a sinner. It is also the opportunity to ask God to transform are sinful state so that we can help others to see the light and love of God.

I am very greatful for my dad. He was abusive and neglectful when he was raisng me. As he started to have grandchildren he started to change and then started going to Church. .He is now a Eucharistic Minister. Somehow over the years he knew how to evangelize to me only every once in a whle, I would have rebuked him if he did it with much more frequency. But eventually I found my way back to my Faith and the Catholic Church. It is truely a wonderful thing what Christ did for us in order for us to be saved and have a path to get to heaven. I am very, very greatful for the opportunity to confess my sins, repent, strive to sin no more, and it is working for me! I still sin, but when I would initially be tempted by a certain sin I would pray for strenght to not do the sin but then do it. Now that sin I just don’t do and don’t have to pray for the strenght to avoid it. So I am improving which is good.

And given the tenuous past I had with my dad, he had to walk a very fine line when offerng me any type of advice as despite my best efforts I remain angry with him that he didnt’ offer me any guidance when I was a child and he treats he dog better than he treated me when I was a child. I have told him I have forgiven him, which I have (to the best of my ability) but the memories and emotions remain and can be triggered by different actions on his part. But I don’t want to be one of those people who has his dad die and then regret not having a relationship with him for several years prior. I know that he simply didn’t have any parenting skills because his dad walked out on his and his mom when he was 2. I understand he didn’t wake up thinking ‘how can I neglect my son today?’ He did the best he could.

Anyway, his evangelizing to me was instrumental in bringing me back to the Catholic Church. So he gave me a great gift in helping me find my way back to my faith. And he and my mom are both good and loving people today. I am very greatful for that as well. I used to have terrible fantasies of doing terrible things to my mom because she molested me when I was a child.

So it is a struggle to completely get past this in relationships with them. I have fogiven them but when certain situations come up it brings back memories and emotions that are overwhelming to me and I simply can’t cope with them so need to cut off contact with them for a period of time until I re-adjust. It’s something that is a work in progress for me and something i pray on on a regular basis.

God Bless Everyone,
Bill