What to do about her?

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theres this girl i know whom i really like. but she has had (still having, i dont know) family problems, and thus has lead her to be very unpersonal. she has built up this wall around her so getting to know her on any meaningful level is almost impossible. i would really like to get to know her better/start courting but i don’t know how to ‘break’ the barrier. i know shes scared to get into anything and i obviously dont want to force her into anything but i owuld still like to go out with her. any sugestions?
 
everyday at school…we talk lots but not a wholelot, we sit beside eachother in most classes. we even went to a school event ‘as a date’ but shes so barriered it really means nothing…were as with other girls, it would have definately meant something
 
I see what you mean. Well right now just being a good friend to her is your best bet. Since you are aware of this wall she’s behind you are wise not to try to move too soon. Do you know anything about her past, like is it relationships that have made her this way or just the family problems? Or both?
 
Beware of getting into any relationship at any time in your life with someone who is not ready. They may not be ready for many different types of reasons, but it doesn’t matter. You cannot fix them.
Dating is meant to help us find our future spouse. If one of the people has “baggage” and the other is constantly trying to “fix” them, there is not much time and energy left to devote to the things that really matter.
Just be a good friend to her and be a good example of a Christian. That will help her more than any date ever could. But be prepared to never see the fruits of your work. It may be 10 or 20 years from now when she realizes that you helped her.
Malia
 
Nuruns said:
I see what you mean. Well right now just being a good friend to her is your best bet. Since you are aware of this wall she’s behind you are wise not to try to move too soon. Do you know anything about her past, like is it relationships that have made her this way or just the family problems? Or both?
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the problem is even being a good friend to her is impossible. thats more the jist of my problem…id like to be good friends with her, and see if it leads to anything else. even her good friends are clueless with her, the barrier is so that i feel like im better friends with people i dont even talk to:p and definately will take it slow. shes never had a past relationship and most of her problemos leading to this barrier are family problems
 
I was once in a situation like yours. There’s really nothing you can do here – do not attempt to start a relationship with this woman. It would most likely end in disaster. If being her friend without having a relationship is too painful, you’ll have to back away. This will be painful…but you’ll have to back away from her eventually…and it will be painful no matter when it happens…
CHCatholic said:
the problem is even being a good friend to her is impossible. thats more the jist of my problem…id like to be good friends with her, and see if it leads to anything else. even her good friends are clueless with her, the barrier is so that i feel like im better friends with people i dont even talk to:p and definately will take it slow. shes never had a past relationship and most of her problemos leading to this barrier are family problems
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ack said:
I was once in a situation like yours. There’s really nothing you can do here – do not attempt to start a relationship with this woman. It would most likely end in disaster.
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As a woman, I just have to second this. If you keep on pursuing her romantically, she will probably relent eventually, but if her heart isn’t in it, it just won’t be that great. If you have the guts, you could let her know you’re interested in her. Then after that I’d recommend never mentioning it again until you get some warm, interested vibes back from the girl. (which might never happen) Beware the myths about shy/broken-hearted girls falling hard and fast for the magic guy like in the movies. In real life, girls with emotional damage need ample time and space to figure out what they want.
 
Dacinom said:
Please pray and find out why you are so determined to date this woman and so attracted to her.
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Very good advice, too, IMHO. Pray for wisdom. It also struck me as odd how your description of this young lady really wasn’t all that glowing. You would be prudent to explore your reasons for being interested in someone you describe in such unflattering terms.

I also suggest doing a lot of reading up on what the Catholic Church has to say about love (even if you have already). When you’re young or inexperienced it is easy to mistake feelings of affection and charity for feelings of romantic attraction. I’ve been there, done that!
 
i dont think i gave a fair interpretation of her. she is a very sweet outgoing talkative, gorgeous (of course:D ) young lady and most people would find nothing wrong with her. its just on a deeper level its absolutely impossible to communicate with her. no matter what you say or how hard you try the conversation is always led to small talk. this isnt your typical guy-saves-crazy-depressed-girl-and-they-fall-happily-in-love-the-end …I like her because of all her endearing qualities but when i try to take this ‘liking’ to another level, its near impossible.:mad:
 
CHCatholic said:
i dont think i gave a fair interpretation of her. she is a very sweet outgoing talkative, gorgeous (of course:D ) young lady and most people would find nothing wrong with her. its just on a deeper level its absolutely impossible to communicate with her. no matter what you say or how hard you try the conversation is always led to small talk. this isnt your typical guy-saves-crazy-depressed-girl-and-they-fall-happily-in-love-the-end …I like her because of all her endearing qualities but when i try to take this ‘liking’ to another level, its near impossible.:mad:
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Ok, now I’m getting a completely different impression of her. Does she limit all people to a shallow level of conversation, or just you? Does she express interest in other guys? Does she confide in anybody at all?

You guys are pretty young, right? Maybe the fact that her home life is unpleasant makes her reluctant to talk much about herself and what’s important to her. I did that with my friends when I was going through a really rough time at home–I just didn’t say much about myself because there was nothing happy to share and I didn’t want to bring others down or talk badly about the person in my family who was giving me so much grief.

Is she of the same faith as you, too? A lot of people don’t confide much in friends who don’t have the same worldview. I don’t talk much about my dreams and goals to my non-Catholic friends, for example.
 
we’re both catholic 👍 And yes she limits all people to this level. i was talking to one of her friends who said she opened up once and they all thought she was going crazy:p she confides a little in people, myself included, but very miniscule things, not big things like future plans or what not. and who knows if she expresses interest in guys, ive been getting so many signals, but with her it could mean diddly squat just because thats the way she is :confused:
 
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