What to do about honey baby dolly

[JimG]

Wherein a school teacher reminisces about his own teachers and considers the plight of some current students.

I didn’t know that the University of Kansas has therapy dogs available every other Wednesday.

Anyway, he has some interesting stories about families—his own and others. Some of them resonate with my own experiences, maybe with yours.

What to do about honey baby dolly

 

[Irishmom2]

Ya know what, honey baby dolly? This guy is smart. And did he get that way? From not being coddled. Lucky him! Great piece.

 

[RPRPsych]

Wherein a school teacher reminisces about his own teachers and considers the plight of some current students.

I didn’t know that the University of Kansas has therapy dogs available every other Wednesday.

Anyway, he has some interesting stories about families—his own and others. Some of them resonate with my own experiences, maybe with yours.

What to do about honey baby dolly

Super article.

One of the reasons I decided not to go into child psychiatry was not because of the children, but their parents.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

Yes, because the phrase " do onto others as you would like others do onto you" means treat 'em like cr4p! It’s good for them!

If this is what good catholic culture is touting, count me out. No where near what Jesus Christ taught. It teaches : better become worldly to survive in this world, shut up, don’t emote, emoting is for wimps! This is stuff taught by current political trends, not a solid catholic view…certainly not the Catholic view of asking Mary to cover you with her mantle, instead this shames a person for having feelings at all, or sensing that sin from others hurts. A bit like hazing. Make them hard. Make them all hard hearted! That’s the way! Arrrrrrgh!

Listen, I’m not for coddling and pampering and spoiling either, but this is the evil opposite of that, neither extreme is good. There is a right way, but this shaming like this article upholds, is shameful in and of itself. It’s as bad as those who overprotect, coddle and spoil. Both ways can ruin a young person. Each good teacher uses prudence to evaluate which side of things a student needs, but not one way works for all students, people.

It’s awful to see current worldly political views being touted as religious wholesome truth.

 

[Viki63]

Y
It’s awful to see current worldly political views being touted as religious wholesome truth.

I wouldn’t say this was a worldly political view. It’s a bit countercultural at this point.

Neither would I call the author’s examples shaming. As a young man he was told to respect his elders and work for what he wanted. St Paul said the same: those who will not work shall not eat.
As for the grief rooms, coloring books and Playdoh, good grief. That’s just outrageous. What kind of people are we raising here?

.

 

[mommy_k]

Yes discipline is good, and so is being compassionate and kind…

I think there is too much emphasis these days on therapy when discipline (not extreme) would have a better result in most cases…Kids are labeled with all types of unheard of things these days, which did not exist before…

These alternate therapies I am sure have thier place, but should not be used in all cases. It’s time I think for these things not to be overused. For sure these therapies help some, but is a crutch and reinforcing oversensitivity for many.

Convetsely, havING repeated exposure to agressive authoritarian feedback without compassion, can lead to anxiety as well.

Again balance is needed.

 

[Irishmom2]

Yes, because the phrase " do onto others as you would like others do onto you" means treat 'em like cr4p! It’s good for them!

If this is what good catholic culture is touting, count me out. No where near what Jesus Christ taught. It teaches : better become worldly to survive in this world, shut up, don’t emote, emoting is for wimps! This is stuff taught by current political trends, not a solid catholic view…certainly not the Catholic view of asking Mary to cover you with her mantle, instead this shames a person for having feelings at all, or sensing that sin from others hurts. A bit like hazing. Make them hard. Make them all hard hearted! That’s the way! Arrrrrrgh!

Listen, I’m not for coddling and pampering and spoiling either, but this is the evil opposite of that, neither extreme is good. There is a right way, but this shaming like this article upholds, is shameful in and of itself. It’s as bad as those who overprotect, coddle and spoil. Both ways can ruin a young person. Each good teacher uses prudence to evaluate which side of things a student needs, but not one way works for all students, people.

It’s awful to see current worldly political views being touted as religious wholesome truth.

Where is all of the anger coming from? How was anyone treating anyone like “cr4p” or telling anyone to shut up? This article to you somehow represents “the evil opposite” of coddling and pampering. You make it sound like abuse. Can you explain specifically why you think hard work is not “good catholic culture.”

 

[MarkInOregon]

Yes, because the phrase " do onto others as you would like others do onto you" means treat 'em like cr4p! It’s good for them!

If this is what good catholic culture is touting, count me out. No where near what Jesus Christ taught. It teaches : better become worldly to survive in this world, shut up, don’t emote, emoting is for wimps! This is stuff taught by current political trends, not a solid catholic view…certainly not the Catholic view of asking Mary to cover you with her mantle, instead this shames a person for having feelings at all, or sensing that sin from others hurts. A bit like hazing. Make them hard. Make them all hard hearted! That’s the way! Arrrrrrgh!

Listen, I’m not for coddling and pampering and spoiling either, but this is the evil opposite of that, neither extreme is good. There is a right way, but this shaming like this article upholds, is shameful in and of itself. It’s as bad as those who overprotect, coddle and spoil. Both ways can ruin a young person. Each good teacher uses prudence to evaluate which side of things a student needs, but not one way works for all students, people.

It’s awful to see current worldly political views being touted as religious wholesome truth.

This is what you got from reading that? Did we read the same article?

The peace of Christ,
Mark

 

[Katherine438]

Enjoyed the article … thanks for posting it.

 

[JanetF]

Yes, because the phrase " do onto others as you would like others do onto you" means treat 'em like cr4p! It’s good for them!

If this is what good catholic culture is touting, count me out. No where near what Jesus Christ taught. It teaches : better become worldly to survive in this world, shut up, don’t emote, emoting is for wimps! This is stuff taught by current political trends, not a solid catholic view…certainly not the Catholic view of asking Mary to cover you with her mantle, instead this shames a person for having feelings at all, or sensing that sin from others hurts. A bit like hazing. Make them hard. Make them all hard hearted! That’s the way! Arrrrrrgh!

Listen, I’m not for coddling and pampering and spoiling either, but this is the evil opposite of that, neither extreme is good. There is a right way, but this shaming like this article upholds, is shameful in and of itself. It’s as bad as those who overprotect, coddle and spoil. Both ways can ruin a young person. Each good teacher uses prudence to evaluate which side of things a student needs, but not one way works for all students, people.

It’s awful to see current worldly political views being touted as religious wholesome truth.

Wow, I don’t think you and I read the same article at all.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Where is all of the anger coming from? How was anyone treating anyone like “cr4p” or telling anyone to shut up? This article to you somehow represents “the evil opposite” of coddling and pampering. You make it sound like abuse. Can you explain specifically why you think hard work is not “good catholic culture.”

Just want to address the work thing; I’m certain the PP isn’t referring to hard work. I think she’s referring to the the attitude of the teachers in the articles.

This is what you got from reading that? Did we read the same article?

The peace of Christ,
Mark

Wow, I don’t think you and I read the same article at all.

I’ll start with this:

Suddenly, Mr. Mac stopped, grabbed me by the collar and shoved me against the warm brick wall. His face was ruddy and grave as he pushed it a half-inch from mine. “You will never disrespect me like that again.” He half-breathed, half-growled the words. I nodded my head frantically in agreement and he released me.

I see an over-reaction and physical assault. If someone wants to teach respect they can do it without slamming someone against the wall. It’s because of teachers like this that teachers now have fewer options to manage student/class conflicts without risking their jobs.

If you want to know where my anger comes from it’s from the teacher that nailed me in the eye with a ball while aiming for another student. Yes, yes. I propbably still had it coming, right. I still want to rip him a new one. BTW the kid he was aiming for was the oldest son of a single mom who, as it became obvious later, had some mental and social issues. Darren was a sweet kid; my best friend and I knew him before we met each other and she saw how badly his mom treated him. Who. Was. There. For. Him? Even other adults who should have known better tormented him and I felt it quite literally. I’m not the only one who experienced injustices like this. We hate seeing people hurting and right now it’s everyone. If you think people just need to toughen up, think again; you are just as wounded and it’s hidden behind your hardness of heart.

Unhealed trauma is not a good foundation for a healthy emotional life. I can see it in the author of the article; he was grieving and he was treated harshly and he now lacks empathy and champions harsh treatment and mocks therapeutic activities. Maybe the two are unrelated, maybe he would have lacked empathy and been intolerant of any strategy that wasn’t his cup of tea, even if those strategies are beneficial. I know lot of people like this. Too many. “Why can’t people just do, say, think what I think because there is only one way to do, say or think, and I’m right.” I’m never sure if these people are hard-headed or hard-hearted. It starts in childhood. If there are people who seem to fall apart and can’t cope with stress, consider that they lacked something growing up and it might not be discipline,

There are other approaches. There is a healthy balance between abuse and neglect. Dr. David Walsh has several books that are good resources for parents. Hard work isn’t the problem as I said above. And I’m ever mindfull of the section in Greg Popcak’s book, “Parenting with Grace” titled “How not to raise a Nazi.” This isn’t an excerpt from the book, but an article online:

As a result of this difference in parenting philosophies, parents of rescuers tended to respond gently to their children’s misdeeds. Over and over, rescuers identified “reasoning” and “explaining” as their parents’ preferred interventions. Moreover, children who grew up to be rescuers were rarely, if ever, spanked. This is in contrast to bystanders and collaborators who grew up in homes where corporal punishment (although not necessarily abusive forms of it) was the norm.

The Oliners explained this phenomenon by relying on researcher Dr. Alice Miller’s findings that corporal punishment is damaging to a child’s will. Early on, a damaged will manifests itself in the form of a very compliant child, but as the child matures, he lacks the ability to discern between appropriate and inappropriate authority. He only knows that he must comply with the orders of a superior regardless of what he thinks of them.

If you think my post is rambling, I apologize, but the author of the article was all over the place too.

Thanks for letting me vent. My 6th grade teacher gets to live another day without me letting him know I think he’s a jerk.

 

[AbideWithMe]

Just want to address the work thing; I’m certain the PP isn’t referring to hard work. I think she’s referring to the the attitude of the teachers in the articles.

I’ll start with this:

I see an over-reaction and physical assault. If someone wants to teach respect they can do it without slamming someone against the wall. It’s because of teachers like this that teachers now have fewer options to manage student/class conflicts without risking their jobs.

If you want to know where my anger comes from it’s from the teacher that nailed me in the eye with a ball while aiming for another student. Yes, yes. I propbably still had it coming, right. I still want to rip him a new one. BTW the kid he was aiming for was the oldest son of a single mom who, as it became obvious later, had some mental and social issues. Darren was a sweet kid; my best friend and I knew him before we met each other and she saw how badly his mom treated him. Who. Was. There. For. Him? Even other adults who should have known better tormented him and I felt it quite literally. I’m not the only one who experienced injustices like this. We hate seeing people hurting and right now it’s everyone. If you think people just need to toughen up, think again; you are just as wounded and it’s hidden behind your hardness of heart.

Unhealed trauma is not a good foundation for a healthy emotional life. I can see it in the author of the article; he was grieving and he was treated harshly and he now lacks empathy and champions harsh treatment and mocks therapeutic activities. Maybe the two are unrelated, maybe he would have lacked empathy and been intolerant of any strategy that wasn’t his cup of tea, even if those strategies are beneficial. I know lot of people like this. Too many. “Why can’t people just do, say, think what I think because there is only one way to do, say or think, and I’m right.” I’m never sure if these people are hard-headed or hard-hearted. It starts in childhood. If there are people who seem to fall apart and can’t cope with stress, consider that they lacked something growing up and it might not be discipline,

There are other approaches. There is a healthy balance between abuse and neglect. Dr. David Walsh has several books that are good resources for parents. Hard work isn’t the problem as I said above. And I’m ever mindfull of the section in Greg Popcak’s book, “Parenting with Grace” titled “How not to raise a Nazi.” This isn’t an excerpt from the book, but an article online:

If you think my post is rambling, I apologize, but the author of the article was all over the place too.

Thanks for letting me vent. My 6th grade teacher gets to live another day without me letting him know I think he’s a jerk.

Great, balanced post, IMO.

 

[RPRPsych]

Interesting responses across the board.

I think the language in the original article may have been a little hyperbolic or dramatized for effect (after all, who is a completely honest biographer of himself?).

The good points to take away are that coddling, overprotection, infantilization, and the denial of reality are not good ways to raise children. The Bible contains similar strongly-worded admonitions to discipline one’s children, and I don’t think we can question its infallibility.

This does not mean that the extreme antithesis is correct. There are situations where corporal punishment may be an effective solution (heck, even Pope Francis said so), and there are certainly situations where a limit must be set or a line must be drawn. But we cannot endorse discipline that is unduly brutal, capricious, inconsistent, and driven more by emotions than by a concern for the recipient’s growth and maturity.

One must also take culture into account. In Eastern cultures, such disciplinary measures are often tempered by an extended family network of nurturance and support, and a generally child-friendly (“child-positive”, if you will) culture. This does not necessarily obtain in the West, especially in cultures where rugged individualism and being a “tough guy / bad ***” are viewed as desirable. Parents must decide for themselves where a line is to be drawn. Giving adolescents in college “cry rooms” and colouring books is stupid and criminal, but so is going all Michael Pearl on them. Balance is the key word.

And for those who think what I’ve written above is not “tough enough”, I have three words for you: Saint John Bosco.