What to do after miscarriage D + C

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Borgia1

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My wife had a miscarriage and they are doing a D + C in a few hours. I called the doctor to ask if I could get the remains cremated. He said there would be very little remains as the child was only 13 weeks. He said it would amount to a teaspoon and I said that is fine.

He said some of the material will be sent to pathology so they can try to figure out the cause of the miscarriage.

He said he has been doing this a long time and no one ever asked for the remains of a child this young. I explained the situation but he was not sure what could be done. He said the remains will be mostly fluid with little fetal material. Since this is my first time dealing with this I had no idea as well. I’m not trying to give him a hard time and he was very cordial. He said he would do what he can if I can tell him what to do. Thing is I have no idea. Can anyone help me out with what to ask him? How do practicing Catholics handle this type of situation? Is it acceptable to have them just remove the remains and dispose of them however they do? I would not think it is but like I said I honestly never thought of this before.
 
I’m sorry your wife had a miscarriage. We had a similar situation and received cremated remains, even though we were also warned there wouldn’t be much.

I would just explain that you’re aware the remains will be physically tiny, but that you would like to receive them regardless.

Again, very sorry to hear that. I don’t know if you already have living children, but if not, don’t be discouraged. The next time we tried after the miscarriage my wife gave birth to our beautiful, healthy daughter.
 
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At our Catholic hospital, the family has the option to claim the remains however the hospital has a plot at the Catholic Cemetery where all “unclaimed” are buried.

You might want to speak to your Catholic Cemetery and ask if such a plot exists in your town.
 
My heartfelt condolences. :pray:t2: I will be praying for your family. 🌷

I don’t know anything from personal experience however have come across this:

https://www.chausa.org/docs/default-source/hceusa/800560da9f7b48e390a4e89b32aaf4371-pdf.pdf?sfvrsn=2 Page 11 deals with your request, but from the view point of those in the medical profession. However, it may help you navigate what you need to in order to receive the remains and have them buried.

https://www.archbalt.org/respect-life-2/burial-after-miscarriage/ You can have the remains buried. Unsure in what diocese you are in, but if you call their switchboard and just ask who to talk to about burials for a miscarriage they should be able to assist you.

http://www.catholicmiscarriagesupport.com/practical/practical-qa/burials-and-names/ This website deals with the topic from a Catholic point of view, and may offer further assistance prior and after burial.

I would strongly recommend approaching your local parish priest, as well as the hospital’s on call priest. They both can help advocate for you and your wife.
 
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Check with your priest and maybe a couple other local ones or your diocese if he doesn’t have resources for you. With my first miscarriage, we called our parish and they didn’t have answers for us. But my husband ran into another local priest at work and that priest knew of a program through our local KoC and funeral home that helps ensure miscarried and stillborn babies are buried free of charge.

I’m so sorry for your loss.
 
I don’t have any advice to share about collecting the remains. I went through a miscarriage 21 years ago this month. After that miscarriage I had a healthy baby girl who is currently a junior in college. This prayer written by Mother Angelica is wonderful and may help you , so I’ve copied from EWTN to share…

My Lord, the baby is dead!

Why, my Lord—dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face—it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?

“Why, My child—do you ask ‘why’? Well, I will tell you why.

You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”

I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool—forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity. – Mother M. Angelica
 
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