What to do with total sexual abandonmen

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I am looking for advice on what to do when one’s spouse completely abandons you, sexually. No, not once or twice a month, or even a few times a year, but zero sex for many years, complaining about it and degrading me for years before that. She says she doesn’t like it and doesn’t care how I feel about it.

Even before completely abandoning me, she would make me feel degraded in those rare times we did have sex, once even leaving the room exclaiming, “I hate God” (for making men and women so they have sex and she has to sleep with me). She says nothing will change her mind, so I effectively have to live the rest of my marriage without sex, get divorced, or simply find someone else. None are good options.

What do you all suggest?
 
Thanks for the recommendation, but she won’t go because she doesn’t care. I have suggested it. I spoke with a priest and he gave me some books on faith, which were great. However, the situation remains.
 
Have you actually asked her if she will go? There has to be a bigger issue here. But we are not to give advice on CAF so if you are asking for our advice, you cannot have it. AS per the rules.
 
No, it is not the extent to which we have discussed it. She says she simply doesn’t like sex and doesn’t care about me. She says there’s nothing I can do to change and she has abandoned the marriage in pretty much every way, not just sexually.
 
Do you have children? That would make a difference.
If you do, they are the most important priority, and you would benefit by counseling for both of you, or just you if she refuses.
If not, you could decide whether you want to live the rest of your life with a woman who says she doesn’t care about you or your feelings, or look into separation or divorce. That’s not a decision any one else can make for you.
She may be suffering from clinical depression, or just be self centered. We can’t tell from little information. Will she consider seeing a physician?

I’m sorry you are going through this; sadly, you are certainly not alone. I encourage you to spend time in prayer, as I’m sure you are doing.
 
Thank you Cecilia Dympna.
The only advice we can give is to seek professional help.
 
AS I am constantly reminded by moderators there are CAF rules

here is the one I refer to.
  1. Do not offer or solicit medical, psychiatric, psychological, or legal advice. Do not give advice that is contrary to civil law. Do not give advice to a minor that opposes the instruction of a parent or legal guardian. All such discussions should be directed to the proper authorities: parents, guardians, therapists, parish priests, or primary care providers.
In this thread, i would see medical, psychological and psychiatric headings under the term advice that could be given for this situation.

It would encroach on legal if people were to start suggesting staying or leaving.

Thats my interpretation of this rule and I don’t intend to test it.

The op specifically states
jb007 said:
I am looking for advice on what to do when one’s spouse completely abandons you, sexually.
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is the op asking us to choose between
jb007 said:
I effectively have to live the rest of my marriage without sex, get divorced, or simply find someone else. None are good options.

What do you all suggest?
Click to expand...
 
Do you both go to Church? Are you both Catholic? Does your wife receive Communion?
 
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If I were you? A) Try to enlist a priest to explain to her how she’s sinning; B) if she doesn’t listen, file for divorce. If you have to live without love and sex, better to do it avowedly alone than in a sham marriage.
 
So, to answer some questions…we have an early teenager, she has felt this way for a long time, partly stemming from not feeling she was cared for like her mom would have when she went through cancer, and also does have depression. She refuses treatment, blaming the depression on her circumstances, having immigrated here and regretting it, in addition to being pushed into a career she hated by her mother, the career from which she has left for homeschooling.

I have talked to a priest at the local church yet only once. I am thinking of talking again. She goes to church there with out son and I attend a different church, one we all attended together for a time. FYI, neither of us are formally Catholic, although we both tend to act as Catholics. She was previously married and divorced, so without a ton of paperwork from her ex, who lives in a different country, we’ve not been able to even consider membership.
 
Your wife needs therapy and a physical. Something is very wrong psychologically or medically.

If this has been going on many years, it will likely be harder to treat. I am sorry you have suffered with this, try to get her to see a psychologist and a doctor.
 
FYI If someone is in the UK they can see their GP and they sometimes have a free counselling service attached to the surgery which can be used I think for six weeks, maybe after that there might be a charge.

Sometimes people need that kind of third party help with their lives temporarily because it can give a fresh perspective to an issue.
 
Are you Baptized?

Was your wife and her husband Baptized Christian’s when they Married?

According to the Catholic faith, you may be committing adultery with her anyway!

What did the priest say to you when you spoke?
 
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