What to Do?

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Edthecarpenter

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I have been married for a little over 3 Years. My wife and I also have a daughter that is 18 months old. but for the past 3 weeks or so things have felt a little uneasy at our home. I do alot of things for our community such as Coaching Jr HIgh Basketball, play for a company and a church softball league and now these things have seem to push my relationship away with my wife and child… My wife has recently left me because she says " I need time alone and feel trapped within myself" and for the most part I have done so I have moved in with my Mother and Father and have distance myself from her. However the only thing I can think about is her and what I can do to fight for the relationship we had. It seems the more I try to mend things back to what they were I have distance myself further from her. I have ask God through Prayer to give me guidence and Paitence. So I guess what Im asking is im I being selfish in trying to make myself happy or im I not leading my heart and letting my Emotions make bad decisions?

P.S. Sorry about the puncuations
 
It is not wrong for you to take time for yourself, but if your activities mean that she doesn’t ever have time for herself, it doesn’t surprise me that she wants a break. True or not, she may feel like she is already ‘doing everything’ at home, and might be asking herself the famous Ann Landers question: “Am I better off with him or without him?” Please do not underestimate the emotional exhaustion a mother of a small child can experience - especially if she works at a job, then comes home to a child and household duties while the hubby goes to play with the boys . I don’t know that this is the case - but I have seen this at my house, and my sisters, and my friends, and count myself lucky that my husband has been willing to compromise and scale back.
Peace,
Kathy
 
It’s about balance Ed. Your happiness involves their happiness. Make them happy–you’re happy. 👍
 
Thanks for the reply…Well my thing is I cut back to where I am no longer involved in any after work activities and I have dedicated all my time to My Wife and My Daughter… but my wife is still acting like I dont exist… and my daughter feels the tention… So I just stay away…will it put more unesscary pressure on my daughter… Im at a lost of Ideas to Make this better… Any Advice? Thanks in Advance
 
Edthecarpenter said:
Thanks for the reply…Well my thing is I cut back to where I am no longer involved in any after work activities and I have dedicated all my time to My Wife and My Daughter… but my wife is still acting like I dont exist… and my daughter feels the tention… So I just stay away…will it put more unesscary pressure on my daughter… Im at a lost of Ideas to Make this better… Any Advice? Thanks in Advance
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It’s tough without knowing the people involved Ed, what does your wife say? I’m loathe to say it, but is there any chance she’s met someone else?
 
Edthecarpenter said:
Thanks for the reply…Well my thing is I cut back to where I am no longer involved in any after work activities and I have dedicated all my time to My Wife and My Daughter… but my wife is still acting like I dont exist… and my daughter feels the tention… So I just stay away…will it put more unesscary pressure on my daughter… Im at a lost of Ideas to Make this better… ** Any Advice? ** Thanks in Advance
Click to expand...
Maybe your wife still has hurt feelings and it will take time for her to get over them??? How well do you two communicate? Retrouvaille can help you to improve your communication, which can definitely help you work through the problems in your marriage.
 
I can’t say anything helpful right now.
I will pray for you, your wife, and your daughter, that God can help sort out and heal the hurt and the damaged relationships in your family. It sounds as if the hurt has gone very deep and your wife has lost hope that your relationship can work.
Lord please flood Your healing love into the members of this family.
 
Father, in Jesus name I ask healing for this family.

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come. Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen

Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible,
look kindly upon us, and increase Your mercy in us,
that in difficult moments we might not despair, nor become despondent,
but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is love and mercy itself.

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle;
be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray.
And do you, O prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God,
cast into hell satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

I ask our Mother, your guardian angel and patron saints, please pray for you and your family
 
For this family…

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible,
look kindly upon us, and increase Your mercy in us,
that in difficult moments we might not despair, nor become despondent,
but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will,
which is love and mercy itself.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou amongst women
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God pray for us sinners, now
and at the hour of our death. Amen

Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle.
Be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; and do you, O Prince of the heavenly host,
by the power of God cast into hell satan and all the evil spirits
who wander through the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen
 
Psalm 25

In you, Lord my God,
I put my trust.
I trust in you;
do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.

No one who hopes in you
will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those
who are treacherous without cause.

Show me your ways, Lord,
teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you, Lord, are good.

Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful
toward those who keep the demands of his covenant.

For the sake of your name, Lord,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

Who, then, are those who fear the Lord?
He will instruct them in the ways they should choose.
They will spend their days in prosperity,
and their descendants will inherit the land.
The Lord confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.

My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
Relieve the troubles of my heart
and free me from my anguish.

Look on my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
See how numerous are my enemies
and how fiercely they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me;
do not let me be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.

May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope, Lord is in you.
 
Edthecarpenter said:
I have been married for a little over 3 Years. My wife and I also have a daughter that is 18 months old. but for the past 3 weeks or so things have felt a little uneasy at our home. I do alot of things for our community such as Coaching Jr HIgh Basketball, play for a company and a church softball league and now these things have seem to push my relationship away with my wife and child… My wife has recently left me because she says " I need time alone and feel trapped within myself" and for the most part I have done so I have moved in with my Mother and Father and have distance myself from her. However the only thing I can think about is her and what I can do to fight for the relationship we had. It seems the more I try to mend things back to what they were I have distance myself further from her. I have ask God through Prayer to give me guidence and Paitence. So I guess what Im asking is im I being selfish in trying to make myself happy or im I not leading my heart and letting my Emotions make bad decisions?

P.S. Sorry about the puncuations
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**Yeah, I’d say you’re being selfish…why didn’t you put as much energy and thought into your wife/child as you did your extracurricular activities?..you think it’s easy being with a baby all the time while you’re out “playing” and having fun???:mad:

Grow up and stick to your commitment, I am so sick and tired of whiny, cowardly men like you! Suck it up, GOD gave you the gift of a family, are you seriously gonna turn your back on that? Grow up, be a man and TRY HARDER…geeeeeez!:dts:**
 
Edthecarpenter said:
Thanks for the reply…Well my thing is I cut back to where I am no longer involved in any after work activities and I have dedicated all my time to My Wife and My Daughter… but my wife is still acting like I dont exist… and my daughter feels the tention… So I just stay away…will it put more unesscary pressure on my daughter… Im at a lost of Ideas to Make this better… Any Advice? Thanks in Advance
Click to expand...
Well your first post was on the 20th and this one was one the 21st so how much time has it been since you cut out all the activities? Maybe she doesn’t believe things have a changed. Do you come home and spend time with her? Do you ask about her day and what she feels or how her family is doing? We women are normally talkers and want someone to listen to us. So if you get her started she may feel like your making an effort to care about her life as a women and not just as your wife/mother. Have you gone out on a date with just her? Have you really listened to her needs? IF she complaines about cleaning then help her out. You may not like to clean toilets but if that helps your wifes stress level then do it. Also try to do things together. Clean together play with the baby together, go on a walk together, make family time. Or help watch your daughter so your wife can have some “me” time to read a book or enjoy a bath. The little things will help. Show her that you care and that you are there for the long haul.

With that said dont forget about yourself. You too will need activities for yourself but you can’t committe to alot outside your family. Family comes first! Make it one night a week that you have committments outside your marriage. Volunteer or play softball but not for the same season. Listen i play softball with my church on sunday and then bowling on wednesday and a girls night on Monday. i relaized that if i wanted my relationship to work that i needed to restrict my activites so that i can spend time with my man. I have dropped bowling and softball ends in 3 weeks and is off until next spring and monday night he is at bible study. I have to make time for him because our relationship can not grow if we can’t spend quality time together. He makes sacrifices in his schuedle too for me.

As a child of a divorced parents i would never wish that on anyone. Don’t give up. Stay and Fight. Pray and be comitted to working through it. You are married and nothing can break that bond.
 
In prayer for your welfare and that of your family

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come. Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners,
now, and at the hour of our death. Amen

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle;
be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray.
And do you, O prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God,
cast into hell satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
 
I agree that you have to give this time. It took three years to get into this mess. If it takes three years to get out of it, that’s still shorter than a lifetime. Your child relies on you. You made promises to your wife that you must keep. Take the time.

Something that may help you – I saw a good interview the other day (on EWTN as it happens) with a very shrewd psychologist guy named Dr. Phil Mango. (Of all names!) I was struck by how sensible his advice was on relationships, and on the different things that men and women want from each other. He had a lot to say on how men can get their wives to trust them, so he’s probably a good source for you.

(searching) He’s got some talks on YouTube, apparently. And here’s an mp3 of the EWTN Live episode I saw: ewtn.edgeboss.net/download/ewtn/multicast/audio/mp3/el422.mp3

Pay close attention to the part of the TV show where he explains what many women mean when they say they don’t want to talk about it! I have a feeling this may be useful to you. 🙂

Hope this helps.
 
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