What to Do?

[mmlj4u]

I’ve always had intense desires for marriage, but have never had a relationship with anyone-much to my extreme pain and disappointment. Now I’ll be forty this year and there appears to be no hope. I’ve never, ever wanted anything to do with monasticism, because I was longing so much for marriage, but now I don’t know what to do anymore. Is there no hope? Should I just give up and cave in and become a monastic, even though for me it is a sign of failure?

 

[AdvanceAlways]

If being a monastic is something you clearly don’t want to do, I’m sure God is not calling you to do it.

 

[mmlj4u]

Is it worthwhile to live life alone, as a single person? The Chuch approves of marriage and monasticism, but does it really have much good to say about a single person living in the world?

 

[Cloisters]

Is it worthwhile to live life alone, as a single person? The Chuch approves of marriage and monasticism, but does it really have much good to say about a single person living in the world?

There is the vocation to the single life. I knew a woman in my hometown who was called to that, and she was quite content with it.

The Holy Ghost works on attraction. You could pray, “Give me my spouse or give me peace!”

HTH.

Blessings,
Cloisters

 

[barb_finnegan]

Is it worthwhile to live life alone, as a single person? The Chuch approves of marriage and monasticism, but does it really have much good to say about a single person living in the world?

You got that right-the Church doesn’t say much about single people living alone in the world.

I’m 54 going on 55. I never wanted to marry from day one. I respect and honor marriage as a sacrament and a human institution, but I was never keen on it.

From my mid-teens to early twenties, I thought about being a Carmelite nun. But that never panned out.

Then I was in two Third Orders in succession-the Franciscans, then the Discalced Carmelites. I walked out of the first one, and was ‘charitably dismissed’ from the second.

I feel useless now in my ‘old age’. I only do Adoration, and go to the TLM on Sundays. Not much for volunteer works-or what the modernists call ‘ministries’ [that word puts my teeth on edge].

Single Catholics [unless you’re the ‘superinvolved, gung-ho leadership types’] are the great invisible demographic in the Church-and the older you are, the more ignored!

Sorry for my rant…maybe it’s the depressed thoughts I’m having right now…

 

[Cloisters]

You got that right-the Church doesn’t say much about single people living alone in the world.

I’m 54 going on 55. I never wanted to marry from day one. I respect and honor marriage as a sacrament and a human institution, but I was never keen on it.

From my mid-teens to early twenties, I thought about being a Carmelite nun. But that never panned out.

Then I was in two Third Orders in succession-the Franciscans, then the Discalced Carmelites. I walked out of the first one, and was ‘charitably dismissed’ from the second.

I feel useless now in my ‘old age’. I only do Adoration, and go to the TLM on Sundays. Not much for volunteer works-or what the modernists call ‘ministries’ [that word puts my teeth on edge].

Single Catholics [unless you’re the ‘superinvolved, gung-ho leadership types’] are the great invisible demographic in the Church-and the older you are, the more ignored!

Sorry for my rant…maybe it’s the depressed thoughts I’m having right now…

Are you still feeling drawn to religious life? There are opportunities opening for older vocations.

Just a couple of suggestions: either diocesan hermit or consecrated virgin?

The Church prefers older folks for both vocations. The only time virgin males can make a consecration is if it’s part of a religious community’s charism.

Blessings,
Cloisters

 

[Tankjeep]

I’ve always had intense desires for marriage, but have never had a relationship with anyone-much to my extreme pain and disappointment. Now I’ll be forty this year and there appears to be no hope. I’ve never, ever wanted anything to do with monasticism, because I was longing so much for marriage, but now I don’t know what to do anymore. Is there no hope? Should I just give up and cave in and become a monastic, even though for me it is a sign of failure?

there is eharmony, and you can screen for christians (catholic) only. that’s where i met my wife. she lived in CT and i was in VA. good luck.

 

[Ocarm]

Is it worthwhile to live life alone, as a single person? The Chuch approves of marriage and monasticism, but does it really have much good to say about a single person living in the world?

I think for people called to single life, it can be as satisfying a vocation as any other, if it is lived in a spirit of discernment of God’s will for you. Of course, discernement is hard whatever the life we choose to live.

And monasticism is only one form of consecrated life - there are also apostolic congregations, and secular instirutes and tertiary orders, which ally people to a religious charism without requiring them to give up secular life.

Other than prayer (which is always good!) I’d recommend you find a spiritual director who can help you look at where God might be calling you. Sometimes the answer is that He wants us to make changes, and sometimes the answer is that we should stay right where we are, but the process of finding out will help to bring greater understanding of how to live the life that we have, one way or another.

Prayers and best wishes to you.

 

[Norseman82]

I’ve always had intense desires for marriage, but have never had a relationship with anyone-much to my extreme pain and disappointment. Now I’ll be forty this year and there appears to be no hope. I’ve never, ever wanted anything to do with monasticism, because I was longing so much for marriage, but now I don’t know what to do anymore. Is there no hope? Should I just give up and cave in and become a monastic, even though for me it is a sign of failure?

Your first and last sentences answer your own question. You are clearly drawn to the married life, and from reading between the lines, single life is not a desire, but rather a sentence imposed by disappointment. That is not a good base for discernment.

Instead, try to analyze why you have not had a relationship. A priest or other spiritual director may be able to help with this. It could be a personality issue (like shyness) that could be worked out, or it could be that you may have been tied down with helping out parents at home. However, one of the best things I’ve read this week here is a link to a Mary Beth Bonacci artice in which she states that we live in a bad age in which a person is called to marriage but it is very difficult to find a compatible Catholic / Chrtistian spouse becase due to the amount of sin in the world the marriage “pool” is “poisoned”. I think tha is the predicament that most single Catholics face.

I would also suggest that you read the Catechism’s section on marriage to get an understanding about the nature and relationship between the two state of life vocations (the Church lists them as “marriage” and “virginity for the sake of the kingdom”, which is further clarified as priestly ministry and consecrated life). Please also bookmark and memorize Catechism paragraph 1603 which states that the vocation to marriage was written into our very nature and coming from the hand of God.

I don’t know if you are male or female or where you live, but you may want to check out the National Catholic Singles Conference website.

 

[barb_finnegan]

Are you still feeling drawn to religious life? There are opportunities opening for older vocations.

Just a couple of suggestions: either diocesan hermit or consecrated virgin?

The Church prefers older folks for both vocations. The only time virgin males can make a consecration is if it’s part of a religious community’s charism.

Blessings,
Cloisters

I think sometimes about consecrated virginity. But I go to a TLM chapel that belongs to a group that the 'mainstream Church calls ‘sedevacantist’ or ‘schismatic’. * So I’m not in a ‘mainstream parish’.

If I went to the Bishop of my ‘NO diocese’, he-or the vocation director-will ask me all kinds of questions *. I know that they have to ask these things, but I’m not comfortable in answering them. Don’t worry, I’m not doing anything immoral or illegal…[silly grin].

I’m not sure about religious life. Most of the ‘good’ Orders won’t look at a woman past 35 years. And I wouldn’t consider any of the ‘liberal’ ones that are prevalent in my diocese-won’t touch them with a ten-foot pole!

I have no spiritual director-it’s very hard to find a good one nowadays, with our priests so few and overburdened with everything they have to do.

So there’s nothing for me…**