What to do...?

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Again, thank you all for your replies and support. It means more to me than I could ever possibly express.

I have spoken with my husband about trying church as a way of socializing our children, which is something that has been suggested to us before. He agreed, so this week I will begin making calls to see which parishes have child care and if they are equipped to handle children with autism. I figure the best way to get the used to things is to have them around other children first, then as they mature, introduce them to mass.

I am actually afraid to try it, to be honest. Many autistics are unable to express themselves - my son is not one of them. He never stops talking unless he is asleep. He loves infomercials and a lot of his speech echoes what he hears in them. I expect him to have a difficult time adjusting to an environment in which he needs to be quiet but eventually I’m sure he can do it.

My daughter, on the other hand…

She is mostly non-verbal and has social anxiety. In addition to her autism she has PDDNOS and a mood disorder, which means her moods can change immediately and without warning. When she gets tired of being out and wants to go home she will ask first, then throw a fit if we don’t take immediate steps to get her here. She screams, she cries, she contorts (as in, turns her body backward until the bottoms of her feet touch the top of her head - I’ve never seen anything like it), she self injures (bites and scratches herself, hits herself, etc.). Recently she has also been regressing in her bathroom habits and will urinate on the floor if someone is in the bathroom and she doesn’t want to wait or she’s throwing a fit. She’s done this at school twice in the last two weeks because she wanted to come home. She also has the classic autistic sleep disorder. I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times she has slept through the night since she was born. Even when she was a newborn she was up all night. Two weeks after she was born 9/11 happened, and I have often said I was probably the most well informed mom in the country because I was sitting up all night with her, watching CNN and trying in vain to get her to sleep.

This is why I am reluctant to take them to services. My son may be able to sit still and be quiet eventually, but I have doubts my daughter ever will. She is farther along on the spectrum than my son. To say that we are terrified about what will happen to them when we are no longer here to care for them is an extreme understatement.

They are sweet, beautiful children and we are blessed beyond measure to have them, and we are so afraid for their futures.

Mommyhood calling again. I still want to try to post a personal response to everyone who posts, but it may take a couple of days.
 
Again, thank you all for your replies and support. It means more to me than I could ever possibly express.

I have spoken with my husband about trying church as a way of socializing our children, which is something that has been suggested to us before. He agreed, so this week I will begin making calls to see which parishes have child care and if they are equipped to handle children with autism. I figure the best way to get the used to things is to have them around other children first, then as they mature, introduce them to mass.

I am actually afraid to try it, to be honest. Many autistics are unable to express themselves - my son is not one of them. He never stops talking unless he is asleep. He loves infomercials and a lot of his speech echoes what he hears in them. I expect him to have a difficult time adjusting to an environment in which he needs to be quiet but eventually I’m sure he can do it.

My daughter, on the other hand…

She is mostly non-verbal and has social anxiety. In addition to her autism she has PDDNOS and a mood disorder, which means her moods can change immediately and without warning. When she gets tired of being out and wants to go home she will ask first, then throw a fit if we don’t take immediate steps to get her here. She screams, she cries, she contorts (as in, turns her body backward until the bottoms of her feet touch the top of her head - I’ve never seen anything like it), she self injures (bites and scratches herself, hits herself, etc.). Recently she has also been regressing in her bathroom habits and will urinate on the floor if someone is in the bathroom and she doesn’t want to wait or she’s throwing a fit. She’s done this at school twice in the last two weeks because she wanted to come home. She also has the classic autistic sleep disorder. I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times she has slept through the night since she was born. Even when she was a newborn she was up all night. Two weeks after she was born 9/11 happened, and I have often said I was probably the most well informed mom in the country because I was sitting up all night with her, watching CNN and trying in vain to get her to sleep.

This is why I am reluctant to take them to services. My son may be able to sit still and be quiet eventually, but I have doubts my daughter ever will. She is farther along on the spectrum than my son. To say that we are terrified about what will happen to them when we are no longer here to care for them is an extreme understatement.

They are sweet, beautiful children and we are blessed beyond measure to have them, and we are so afraid for their futures.

Mommyhood calling again. I still want to try to post a personal response to everyone who posts, but it may take a couple of days.
From what you’ve written here it sounds like maybe you and your husband could share the responsibilities. One of you taking your son to church and the other staying with your daughter.

However, if you qualify for services and you get home hours with a TSS you can have them attend church with you.

Other than maybe leaving your daughter out of church (that is a decision only you can make with the counsel of some people from your local parish and/or diocese) I stand by the advice I gave you in my last post.
 
From what you’ve written here it sounds like maybe you and your husband could share the responsibilities. One of you taking your son to church and the other staying with your daughter.

However, if you qualify for services and you get home hours with a TSS you can have them attend church with you.

Other than maybe leaving your daughter out of church (that is a decision only you can make with the counsel of some people from your local parish and/or diocese) I stand by the advice I gave you in my last post.
It was excellent advice (thank you again!), and it makes me feel as if going back might even be possible. I haven’t thought so in a long time. We’re on a waiting list for services and hopefully we’ll be able to get started. My children both qualified, thank God.

What will probably end up happening is the three of us will go once then baby girl will stay home with daddy while I take her brother. I’ve been online looking for a church and found one I think will be great. I’m waiting to hear back from a member of their staff.
 
It was excellent advice (thank you again!), and it makes me feel as if going back might even be possible. I haven’t thought so in a long time. We’re on a waiting list for services and hopefully we’ll be able to get started. My children both qualified, thank God.

What will probably end up happening is the three of us will go once then baby girl will stay home with daddy while I take her brother. I’ve been online looking for a church and found one I think will be great. I’m waiting to hear back from a member of their staff.
That’s great. We’ll keep praying for you and your family!
 
Did I miss something? Granted the marriage situation here is complicated, although as has been pointed out, it may not be as bad as it appears if there was defect of form in the first place.

But where is the requirement that this baptised child of the Church go through RCIA to receive the sacraments? *Pacem *there might be wonderful benefits to her, but on what basis could she be turned away from the confessional today? And if she and her husband were willing to forgo their marital rights until the first marriage were cleared away (and I’m not suggesting that they are or even that she should raise this with him), but if - what basis for her not to receive Eucharist?

Either she was not a Catholic when she married, in which case the Pauline privilege almost certainly applies, or she was a Catholic then, in which case she still is.
 
Any updates for us Lace?
I’m sorry it took me so long to respond. Things are hectic, to say the least. I have to keep my focus elsewhere for the time being. We’ve had some developments with our daughter and son that include two new diagnoses (ADD & AD/HD), a medical issue with our daughter brought on by a rx her psych prescribed for her…it’s very chaotic.

We’ve also had to transition baby girl to a new school, which also means a county IEP and other changes that have kept us hopping. We now have two children going to two different schools on two different buses every morning and suddenly I have to be two people so I can be available to both during the day.

For now I have given up on trying to return to the church. I simply do not have the time or the energy to devote to anything other than my children. There’s no way I could balance everything I have to do with RCIA, the annulment process or any of the complex steps it would take to reconcile right now. Not to mention all of the mass I’d have to miss so I can be there for my children and get the things we need to do taken care of on weekends, which is the only time we have.

It’s just too much.

Thank you all again for your support. I thought I was going to be able to do this and I really appreciate it - more than I could ever say. I wish I could have made it work. Life seems to have had other plans.
 
I’m sorry it took me so long to respond. Things are hectic, to say the least. I have to keep my focus elsewhere for the time being. We’ve had some developments with our daughter and son that include two new diagnoses (ADD & AD/HD), a medical issue with our daughter brought on by a rx her psych prescribed for her…it’s very chaotic.

We’ve also had to transition baby girl to a new school, which also means a county IEP and other changes that have kept us hopping. We now have two children going to two different schools on two different buses every morning and suddenly I have to be two people so I can be available to both during the day.

For now I have given up on trying to return to the church. I simply do not have the time or the energy to devote to anything other than my children. There’s no way I could balance everything I have to do with RCIA, the annulment process or any of the complex steps it would take to reconcile right now. Not to mention all of the mass I’d have to miss so I can be there for my children and get the things we need to do taken care of on weekends, which is the only time we have.

It’s just too much.

Thank you all again for your support. I thought I was going to be able to do this and I really appreciate it - more than I could ever say. I wish I could have made it work. Life seems to have had other plans.
You are in our prayers. The door is always open for you to return.

I would point out that, since you were baptized Catholic, if you did not get married in a Catholic Church, the process for you is much simpler. You probably do not have to go through the whole annulment process but rather fill out the necessary paperwork to demonstrate a “lack of form” in your first marriage.
 
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