What would be the best thing to do?

[ILoveTheLordGod]

Okay,

My friend and I just had a talk about masturbation. My first reply was “that’s a mortal sin, right?” Then he said 'no, everyone does it". Then he told me how to do so. I had no plans to do so, but I just went on with the conversation. Then lastly he told me to do it when I get home. I refused, but he told me to do it or else he’ll tell everyone else that I do so (even though I don’t).

I don’t feel like lying to him on the next day that I did, but I don’t wanna masturbate either.
Well, people so far have been referring to me as “priest boy” (idk why) and it’s pretty much going to ruin my reputation if he rumors about it. The thing is though, in my school, not everyone believes in denials automatically, so simply saying “no, i don’t” isn’t so convincing.

So, my only questions would be:
Is masturbation a sin of grave matter?
What would be the best thing to do with this situation?

 

[Little_One0307]

Masturbation is a sin, whether it is grave matter or not depends on circumstances that no one can judge except God.

What you can do is pray, pray for the grace to not do this. Pray to the Virgin Mary who is our model of purity to help you in this.

One cannot worry about one’s reputation when it comes to following the Truth and doing what is right. Everyone else fades away, it is what God thinks.

In my younger days when I was struggling with this, I would hold a crucifix in my hand and contemplate on our Lord’s Passion and Death. And if I could not contemplate on it, I would beg Him for the grace to just look at Him on the Cross.

It’s not easy being a Faithful Catholic in the world today. My heart goes out to those who are in the world and struggling to keep their faith. Yet God will give you whatever graces you are in most need of to continue to be Faithful to Him and to obey His Commandments.

God bless.

 

[ILoveTheLordGod]

The thing is, he believes that masturbation is not a sin if you don’t think of anything while doing it.

But then again, God said sex is only for procreation and as a unifying act between spouses.

In my school, nobody but the green-minded masturbate. In other words, majority of my school does not masturbate. If people would think I do so, they’d think I’m one of the few who are green-minded.

 

[Little_One0307]

The thing is, he believes that masturbation is not a sin if you don’t think of anything while doing it.

But then again, God said sex is only for procreation and as a unifying act between spouses.

In my school, nobody but the green-minded masturbate. In other words, majority of my school does not masturbate. If people would think I do so, they’d think I’m one of the few who are green-minded.

It should not matter what others things. Masturbation is a sin.

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church which by Blessed Pope John Paull II said that is a “sure norm for teaching the Catholic faith.”

paragraph 2352

By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that can lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.

God bless.

 

[smichhertz]

Hi ILoveTheLordGod,

I hope this doesn’t come off too strongly, but I’d like to make a quick observation.

My friend and I just had a talk about masturbation. My first reply was “that’s a mortal sin, right?” Then he said 'no, everyone does it". Then he told me how to do so. I had no plans to do so, but I just went on with the conversation. Then lastly he told me to do it when I get home. I refused, but he told me to do it or else he’ll tell everyone else that I do so (even though I don’t).

The two things I have underlined contradict each other. This guy is NOT your friend. No friend would threaten to spread false rumors about you if you don’t commit a mortal sin. Now, I don’t know the whole story here, but I would not put up with this at all. At the very least, I would not hang out with, associate with or even communicate with him. Who does he think he is? This is way out of line and totally inappropriate, and he needs to be made aware of it. If someone tried this on me, I’d honestly struggle resisting the urge to punch him in the face.

 

[Jeffe]

Simple answer, don’t!

You’re opening yourself up to a world of temptation and moral degradation that you haven’t experienced, one that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy (not that I have any ).

No “friend” would threaten to tell your classmates you do such a thing. If he continues I’d recommend letting your parents or teachers know of his allegations.

You are in my prayers!

-Jeff

 

[Joe_5859]

Hi ILoveTheLordGod,

I hope this doesn’t come off too strongly, but I’d like to make a quick observation.

The two things I have underlined contradict each other. This guy is NOT your friend. No friend would threaten to spread false rumors about you if you don’t commit a mortal sin. Now, I don’t know the whole story here, but I would not put up with this at all. At the very least, I would not hang out with, associate with or even communicate with him. Who does he think he is? This is way out of line and totally inappropriate, and he needs to be made aware of it. If someone tried this on me, I’d honestly struggle resisting the urge to punch him in the face.

x2

Masturbation is always gravely sinful. It may not always be a mortal sin for each individual depending upon other factors (i.e. knowledge and consent), but it is always a serious misuse of one’s sexual faculties.

I would simply refuse to discuss this issue with someone whose maturity is so sorely lacking (as seems evident with regards to your “friend”). It’s frankly none of his business.

That you do not have the desire to commit this sin is a great grace from God. Many men struggle severely with this. Do not go down that road.

Pray for this friend of yours. Growing up, I also always had the reputation as the “holy roller” of the group. I think that sometimes when people encounter someone like that, they want to “corrupt” them so that they can justify their own sinful behavior. After all, you are living proof that “everyone” does not “do it.”

In college, I had a guy offer to buy me a video game console, several games, and a bunch of other things just to take one sip of alcohol when I was still under age. I refused. Although I’m generally a mellow guy, I’m stubborn enough that I would never cave to peer pressure. I think that mystified them. But I do know it made an impression. One time, I overheard one of “the guys” talking with someone and he made the comment that I was the only person he met who actually practiced what he preached. Every other “religious” person he ever knew was a “hypocrite” (in his words).

So hang in there. Guys will hastle you about such things. But it does make an impact. Your witness can plant seeds that will blossom in their hearts down the road. Because of knowing you, others can never honestly say that “everyone is doing it.” And sometimes that one exception is all that is necessary to get someone to reevaluate what they’re doing.

I’ll pray for you.

 

[starsmurf]

I agree with smichhertz.

This person is not your friend, friends don’t blackmail one another. He wants everyone to do what he does because then he can justify it to himself, “it’s not a mortal sin if everyone does it”. I don’t know where he got that idea, probably his own mind. You should stop talking with this person, especially about such personal matters. He obviously can’t be trusted. Don’t say you did masurbate, he’ll just tell everyone else anyway.

If this person does follow through on his threat, offer it up to God as a cross you bear for love of Him and in reparation of this person’s sins. I doubt he has really thought this threat through, though. He will open himself up to all sorts of nasty rumours about himself. If he tells everyone you masturbate, they will immediately ask him, “how do you know that?”. He will dig a pit for himself. If you get the chance to point this out to him, he may threaten to tell further lies about you. I particularly fear that he may say you are gay or something. If that happens, go straight to the principal. What he is threatening is bullying and shouldn’t be tolerated for a moment. If you couldn’t talk to the principal, speak to a teacher you trust. They will deal with this.

I had a time at school when other people thought that I had done something that I hadn’t, and it made people think I was a terrible person. It was awful at first but then I learned not to care about what “everyone else” thinks, something that is really hard to do. Looking back, I know it made me stronger. If it hadn’t been for that experience, I wouldn’t have become a Catholic. If this person spreads untrue rumours about you, he will do the same to other people. Soon people will stop trusting what he says and they won’t believe what he said about you.

I am praying for you, both to have the strength to resist temptations to masturbation and to patiently bear with whatever the results of refusing to sin or pretend you have sinned are, and for this other person, that he may turn back to God and enjoy His Mercy.

 

[JRKH]

Okay,

My friend and I just had a talk about masturbation. My first reply was “that’s a mortal sin, right?” Then he said 'no, everyone does it".

Just because “everybody does” something has no bearing on whether it is sinful or not…
Besides, since you don’t masturbate, and Neither do I by the way, his statement that “everyone does it” is already false…

Then he told me how to do so. I had no plans to do so, but I just went on with the conversation. Then lastly he told me to do it when I get home. I refused, but he told me to do it or else he’ll tell everyone else that I do so (even though I don’t).

Tell your “friend” how hurt you are by his threat.
Ask your “friend” why he should wish to hurt you and your reputation by committing the sin of lying - Or does he believe that lying is also not a sin because “everyone does it”.

I don’t feel like lying to him on the next day that I did, but I don’t wanna masturbate either.

Do not sin…Ask him the questions outlined above…

Well, people so far have been referring to me as “priest boy” (idk why) and it’s pretty much going to ruin my reputation if he rumors about it. The thing is though, in my school, not everyone believes in denials automatically, so simply saying “no, i don’t” isn’t so convincing.

Well it appears that people where you live are like people everywhere…They will believe what they want to believe…Regardless of what might be true…
IF this so called friend of yours chooses to spread a lie about you, all you can do is speak the truth if confronted about it. Then the person, or group will be confronted with His word against your word. Ask them why they should choose to believe him over you?
Any who choose him, are not your friends - forgive them and pray for them, but do not expect them to stand up for you.
Any who choose you are indeed your friends and can be counted upon.

Of course I expect that those who choose to follow a liar will themselves eventually find themselves victimized by him at some future date.

So, my only questions would be:
Is masturbation a sin of grave matter?
What would be the best thing to do with this situation?

Masturbation is grave matter - yes.

I hope my comments above are of help.

Peace
James

 

[sw85]

Okay,

My friend and I just had a talk about masturbation. My first reply was “that’s a mortal sin, right?” Then he said 'no, everyone does it". Then he told me how to do so. I had no plans to do so, but I just went on with the conversation. Then lastly he told me to do it when I get home. I refused, but he told me to do it or else he’ll tell everyone else that I do so (even though I don’t).

I don’t feel like lying to him on the next day that I did, but I don’t wanna masturbate either.
Well, people so far have been referring to me as “priest boy” (idk why) and it’s pretty much going to ruin my reputation if he rumors about it. The thing is though, in my school, not everyone believes in denials automatically, so simply saying “no, i don’t” isn’t so convincing.

So, my only questions would be:
Is masturbation a sin of grave matter?
What would be the best thing to do with this situation?

With due respect, your friend sounds like an idiot, a jerk, and a scandalizer to boot. He not only fundamentally misapprehends Church teaching, he would actually corrupt your (quite accurate) understanding of it and threaten you with social sanction if you don’t conform to it, as smichhertz pointed out.

Masturbation is indeed a mortal sin, as you said. Our sexual faculty exists to serve the end of procreation; so does the pleasure which sexual stimulation gives us (after all, who would have sex if it didn’t feel good?). To use one’s sexual faculty in a manner contrary to its end is deeply morally illicit.

This guy is no friend of yours. Drop him!

 

[CB_Catholic]

You know what this is? It’s called “bullying”. Your “friend” is a bully and the last thing you should do is give into his blackmail. You do not have to put up with this. Find a new friend. If you give in to him, it will only reinforce his behavior.

Refuse to give in and tell him to get lost. If he causes you trouble, report him to the school authorities.

 

[105lynne]

This is so simple: It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, it only matters what God thinks. Will it be difficult for you if this “friend”'does spread rumors? Yes, but so what? Deny it and move on. I know this sounds easier said than done, but give it a try. I was a kind of kid who didn’t want to get in trouble and stayed away from bad situations. I remember in 9th grade I went to a slumber party at a friends house and the girls decided to smoke marijuana. I was the ONLY one who stayed inside and didn’t do it. Did some girls make fun? Of course! But the next morning they all we telling me how much they respected me for not going along with the crowd and doing something I didn’t want to do. This set the tone for the rest of my high school life. I was respected by real friends and made fun of by “friends”. Maybe guys experiences are different, I don’t know…
The most important thing for me was to make God proud, not to fit in. I’m telling you, if you stand up for yourself once, it only gets easier from there to continue that. Stay strong!! Some people take tremendous pride in corrupting others. Dont be this guys next victim! I’m proud of you for having some moral values! You’re in my prayers

 

[JRKH]

With all due respect to those giving the advice to “drop him” and “it doesn’t matter what others think”…It’s not quite so simple…

If as it seems this is a school situation then this person is rather stuck being around these people no matter if he likes it or not.
The art of getting along AND the ability to stand firm in ones faith requires more than just “dropping this person (or people)”.
While I don’t disagree that he might need to distance himself, I think he can also serve God better by at least trying to prevent the problem and give these fellows something to consider…

Peace
James

 

[Robert_in_SD]

Okay,

My friend and I just had a talk about masturbation. My first reply was “that’s a mortal sin, right?” Then he said 'no, everyone does it". Then he told me how to do so. I had no plans to do so, but I just went on with the conversation. Then lastly he told me to do it when I get home. I refused, but he told me to do it or else he’ll tell everyone else that I do so (even though I don’t).

I don’t feel like lying to him on the next day that I did, but I don’t wanna masturbate either.
Well, people so far have been referring to me as “priest boy” (idk why) and it’s pretty much going to ruin my reputation if he rumors about it. The thing is though, in my school, not everyone believes in denials automatically, so simply saying “no, i don’t” isn’t so convincing.

So, my only questions would be:
Is masturbation a sin of grave matter?
What would be the best thing to do with this situation?

First of all, if I were you I would find another friend.

Second, I would tell my other friends about what this other “friend” of yours plans to do, and then plan on spending the day with your other friends. Don’t be alone at all, so that when your friend makes the accusation, you can be prepared to respond by showing anyone who may want to believe him that: (1) you called him on his lie today; and (2) you were never in a position to have the opportunity to commit the act.

It is a disordered act, and an objective evil that should be avoided just like fornication. My advice to you is, regardless of what your friend may do or say, you should not engage in such an act. Do your best to avoid the sin, and all occasions that might lead you into that sin.

Peace,
Robert

 

[Robert_in_SD]

With all due respect to those giving the advice to “drop him” and “it doesn’t matter what others think”…It’s not quite so simple…

If as it seems this is a school situation then this person is rather stuck being around these people no matter if he likes it or not.
The art of getting along AND the ability to stand firm in ones faith requires more than just “dropping this person (or people)”.
While I don’t disagree that he might need to distance himself, I think he can also serve God better by at least trying to prevent the problem and give these fellows something to consider…

Peace
James

Perhaps in the long term, you may be right. But in the short term, he should certainly distance himself from this person who has stated an intention to do him harm by spreading lies.

Peace,
Robert

 

[Joe_5859]

With all due respect to those giving the advice to “drop him” and “it doesn’t matter what others think”…It’s not quite so simple…

If as it seems this is a school situation then this person is rather stuck being around these people no matter if he likes it or not.
The art of getting along AND the ability to stand firm in ones faith requires more than just “dropping this person (or people)”.
While I don’t disagree that he might need to distance himself, I think he can also serve God better by at least trying to prevent the problem and give these fellows something to consider…

Peace
James

Indeed! “Drop him” is easy to say, but not so easy to do if the guy is one classmate of 30 (or 60 or 100) whom you will be going to school with year after year after year.