What would you do?

[Cubby]

There has been something troubling me for the past two weeks, and I would really appreciate your advice on it. During our last CRHP (Christ Renews His Parish) meeting one of the men, and leaders of the group used some inappropriate language (like f… and gd). I mean it didn’t offend me, I hear those words way too often, but it did offend The Spirit in me, and it was inappropriate.

I shouldn’t judge and I don’t want to create a rift in our relationship or a ripple in the group. The churches that I grew up in would have publicly chastised him and forced him to step down from his leadership role! One of the many things I like about our Catholic faith is that everyone seems to be more tolerant with each other and less judgemental, however, some things are just wrong! How do you deal with these issues when you encounter them?

 

[Sherlock]

I would suggest speaking to him in private. He may be so used to using expletives as a kind of punctuation or all-purpose adjective, and might not realize how it sounds to ears that are less calloused. If he gets defensive, then I don’t know if there’s much you can do, though I would have to wonder about the maturity of an individual that refuses to temper his speach for the sake of others—pretty basic charity, I’d say.

 

[tom.wineman]

Well, you should have been offended. You have every right to judge when a church lay leader is using sinful language at church officiating a church function. You sinned by not making that clear.

Sounds like your parish is in need of renewal.

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

For me it would depend on his history with this kind of language: is this just how he speaks in general or was this an unusual moment?? Either way it’s not appropriate, but for the first I’d probably say in a half-laughing manner: “That’s some pretty strong language for this discussion - it must really be heating up!” If it continues though I would quietly talk to him about the impact of his language, especially in light of his leadership role in the parish.

It makes him aware of his err in speech, but not unwelcome in the group. In the second case, a mild shocked look would probably be enough - maybe an “Oh my!”